Detachment, anxiety and the end of limbo

[Phoebe]

Thank you, Jim. I hope so, otherwise this is so not worth it.

[Painter]

I don't know why it should bother me so much that H took OW camping in our beautiful bus, but it hurts me very much.

OF COURSE it hurts you! You've been rejected and replaced in a most inconsiderate and hurtful manner, and your world has been turned upside down by the person who was supposed to be there for you and have your back.

Don't ever wonder about the right you have to feel grief and anger over this.

[Painter]

Thank you, Jim. I hope so, otherwise this is so not worth it.

What would the alternative be? We really have no other option, do we.

[Phoebe]

no choice whatsoever, but the pain can't be for nothing. I have to grow from this.

[SH_]

Phoebe, I need to take a page out of your book for meeting more people. Odd huh, since I encourage so many to do this, and yet find myself a little stagnate with this aspect. I work and then focus on my daughters and find very little time to get out with others.
I need new acquaintances and this will be a new goal for me as I am stable in my emotional mindset for now.

Keep at it. I know it is benefiting you.
Keep up with the pencil smiles, emotional first aid, chicken saddles and when was the last time you did the chocolate meditation? I know you do the F*ck that meditation everyday. LOL

[BluWave]

(((Phoebe)))

I know you will grow from this. You already are. I have so much faith that as you move through this process you will find a more beautiful and authentic life, one you would have not have known without this. There are always silver linings. This is so raw still, but as you heal, you will become open to seeing them. I think those of us reading here already see some.

-Blu

[Phoebe]

Thank you fro checking in on me Blu and SH. It's been a really tough day for some reason.

To be honest, I've been having a bit of a hard time since Sunday morning, but having my brother around helped me push it back for that day, and then being busy Monday with hiking and therapist at least got me through most of the day. I even got together with the L friend for some food, even though I wasn't hungry, just because I really needed some company. I didn't get home until nearly midnight, and then I went out and took a walk in the dark in my fields. That made me feel really good - it was breezy, the stars were out, fireflies were blinking, and the tree frogs were in full cry.

I was feeling bit better, and then after my walk I had to work on my grief recovery homework and the tears just started and have been with me on and off since. Well, I barely made it through with my therapist without tears yesterday, actually. Today I cried for half of my drive to see my grief counselor, cried while I was there. Halfway through my drive back home I had to stop and sleep for an hour in a parking lot I was so exhausted. Cried again when my neighbor friend stopped by to visit. Just struggling and sad.

My heart just hurts right now and I need to let myself feel my way through that. I've bottled it up for the last few days because I didn't have time to let myself feel it, and now I'm worse than if I'd just let it out immediately. It seems like I have been on a pretty regular schedule for a minor crash about once a week, and I pushed it off and it's ended up being more than a minor crash.

I'm going to walk with my neighbor tomorrow, then I am going to an Audubon meeting in the evening. Thursday I am ice skating again with the same person as last week, and Thursday evening I have my WW meeting, so I have some activities planned. Staying busy, seeing people, etc., doing what I can. I'm trying to set up a second session with my therapist this week, too, because I could really use the extra support.

I still have not been officially served with my legal papers. I am going to spend the $ and see a local lawyer again to talk things over and try to figure things out a bit. The out of state L is still waiting for me to retain her, but she did answer a couple questions for me, which was really good of her.

SparrowHawk, I did listen to the f-that meditation again last night in your honor. I need to find one that's less amusing at some point, though.

[SH_]

My dear Phoebe. My heart breaks at the thought of the sadness you re going through.
Be kind to your self and let it flow as needed. There will come a point that all of the tears will dry up. It will come, because you are putting in so much work to care for yourself and your well being. You are an example for many here that you can still push forward and do some heavy lifting to heal, in spite of the challenges.

I will find some additional material for us to chuckle at, learn from and grow with.

I have been a little off of late, and feeling kind of numb. Kinda stuck in a routine that I know must end, but the normalcy of it makes me feel at ease. I know that there is much to be done and go through, but for now I will take it as it is.

My goal is to get a learning plan and follow it. Get out and create a new social life. I hear there are many mid 40 single folks out there that like to mingle. I just have to find the gathering place and watering hole I imagine.

I am here to support you sweet Phoebe. I will share my thoughts as you go through the legal process. The things I would do different, and the things that I find are working now.

Sleep well, that will help you.

((((((((Phoebe))))))))

We need a new challenge to distract us. I will think on this and come up with a good idea.

[BluWave]

(((Phoebe)))

[Painter]

Not sure I can be helpful about making anything better today. The waterworks are on here, too, and I feel like I'm having a slight anxiety attack, something I haven't had in a long time.

My chest hurts, too. I wish we had a way to take away this pain for both of us. I took my anti-anxiety meds and will try to get some sleep.

Where's the Easy button when you need it!