Ginger, If the guy hasn't responded to your text, then make some fun plans for yourself. Don't sit there waiting on him to respond and if he responds at the 11th hour, say "sorry, I didn't hear from you and I've already made other plans". Don't change your plans for him. Don't be so overly accommodating to people because they will tend to take advantage of you and yes, you will begin to feel used and resentful. Just remember...your time is just as valuable as the next person's.
Stay positive...Mr. Right will come along when you aren't looking. Don't settle for less...aim high because you are worthy of a higher quality relationship and Ginger, you don't need to pretzel yourself for anyone. You're the prize and when guys start to see that you value yourself and your time, they'll begin to respect you and your time and that's when Mr. Right will come along.
Again, don't settle for less and do not sell yourself short. You have a lot to offer!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You really nailed something I would like to work on. I am always overaccomdating and I pretzel myself. I think I am being nice and helpful, but perhaps I am making myself look kind of desperate and pathetic by doing that. I knew if I told exNG I needed him to come to me sometimes from the beginning, it would have only ended way sooner. I only told him when I was ready to accept the consequences. I thought by then he loved me enough to want to do that. I was wrong. I always used to drive to another guy I dated. I think he saw me twice. And it was usually with a last minute invite.
Sheesh, guys must not respect and value my time because apparently I don't. See, there really is something else to work on. I can do this without being a B*tch. And I can do this without being a doormat.
I am certainly not looking right now. If it happens, it happens. Otherwise, it's going to be business as usual for me. Work, school, activities, friends.
Actually there has never been one guy who came to me. Only exH when we first started talking and I wasn't interested. And he was usually drunk off his butt.
I've always been the pursuer and accomodater. I'm so done with that.
Hey, give yourself credit, you told ex NG what you needed and expected...he couldn't give it so you walked. Whether you were perfect or not in your approach, who cares. You did good! It hurts but it hurts more to carry on in a relationship where your needs are unmet. That was a big step and I'm proud of you! Chin up...you will rise again
thanks for pointing that out again. I did take a stand, an I did really do it in a nice way actually. gave him time to think, gave a very reasonable need and instead he chose to look elsewhere in the time I gave him to think. I have to remember I was feeling just unworthy when my needs were going unmet.
Otherwise, I am a bit of a doormat, just like you, haha!
I got angry last night that I was so freakin nice and reminscant when we had our phone convo. I told him he had hurt me, called out on his lies, told him I was angry...... but I still let myself hear his "words" and melted a little by engaging in talking about the good stuff.
I had the urge to text him to tell him he was douchebag for lying, for being such a taker and not giving, for not wishing me a happy birthday, for not even letting me know if his D got the card and gift and if it made her feel a little better.
Then I remembered the promise I made to myself to leave it alone after that last phone call. I just don't want him thinking I'm pining over him. I know I am a part of his everyday thoughts and convos still and it pisses me off.
But I am following through on my promises with myself.
Good restraint! It's pointless and honestly, won't make you feel any better. I like to remember that we're all broken people, in one way or another, and most people don't want to maliciously hurt anyone else...they just do and often don't know why either. In my last R I had to recognize that she just couldn't change the things I needed her to change...and I couldn't keep going the way things were. I found it hard not to jump whenever she needed something and exhausted myself. Is it loving to exhaust yourself so that you can't be who you really want to be? Nope. Is it loving to be a doormat? Nope. There's a place for pleasing and we all need to do it but it can also be destructive to a relationship. We give the other party the idea that we like doing for them and compromising when inside it takes it's toll...not good, not honest. Anyway,enough of my babbling, hang in there...I'm thinking of switching for doormat to car mat just to change things up a bit. You did good!
Last thought...part of my doormat thing is that if I'm doing lots of things for you then I'm in control...'cuz you need me! If I don't do them then you might not need me anymore and therefore not love me. I also guilt myself "oh, it's not that big a deal, what kind kind of bf would let his gf take the bus while he sits on his arse at home doing nothing" etc. I also like caring for those I love...but let it get beyond reasonable sometimes. That line can get very blurred for me. Self care is hard ...may just be better to hang with my turtle lol. I don't know if any of that hits home with you but I'm just throwin' it out there.
It does hit home with me. For the most part, I do what I do because I want to. It's who I am. At first it was brainless for me to drive there all the time. He works a lot, so I thought I was helping out and I there was benefit to me, I got to see him. Then I realized, ummmm, I work , go to school, have kid almost all the time..... I'm pretty darned busy too. I still don't mind giving so much if a little is received and appreciated. Not abused.
But in the next breath I do too much out of fear of losing someone. That's way unhealthy.
But you and I, I think are genuinely kind hearted with good intentions. And perhaps some insecurities.
We will get there. I sometimes envy people who haven't been through all the crap and view R's as a fairly simple thing. Too much is tied to them for me now.
