@darknes, my WW argues that she's only going out because I am GAL'ing. She only put a lock on her phone because i did it. Every attempt to drop her, financially, physically and emotionally is seen by her as another way that i'm punishing her and pushing her away. For her, its a game, for me, i'm trying to deal with myself.
I believe that I am giving up control of her - I am giving her all the space that she wants. I need to avoid her because she is in relations with other men. How can i possibly let her in, whilst letting her go? I'm still dealing with my feelings or lack of that i introspected today, I have no time for her cos i'm focusing on me, but will validate, as a minimum.
As for D, i appreciate your pro-marriage stance. I really do. I know that D is not the answer here, but it is the right thing to do. My stance of being a bachelor has changed, I need to be selfless. My feelings say don't let go, my head says that she has broken the cardinal sin of M, for which there is only one consequence. I am hurting thinking about the finality, but i believe that this is where my journey is taking me.
I will look at the goals again with your feedback too. Thank you as always. Don't give up on me just yet.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I have read you state about god will find a way and things like that, yet i dont see much about you showing you are trying to live life in his footsteps.
Are you a religious person or were you just using these words as a way to sound self righteous to your W?
Legitimate question that may help me with my next post.
Very legitimate question. I have always thought that God was something existential. But i've realised that He's inside us, if we want guidance. I have prayed more in the last week than i have my entire life. I ask for calm and peace.
For me it's about making the right decisions, regardless of how you feel. God teaches forgiveness, but he also teaches tough love. It hurts to have to D my WW, but it is the right thing to do. If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, then the road to heaven must be paved with good actions. I'm new to this but it feels right.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I know from personal experience that telling your W other women are more attractive and telling her she is getting fat on your honeymoon is EXTREMELY DAMAGING. To not being able to look at your own W because she lost some physical attractiveness. Sorry if I am sounding harsh, but I have seen first hand what it does to someone I care for very much. It's heartbreaking. Gaining that level of trust back from your partner probably takes just about as much work as gaining back trust after an A.
I am glad you want to work on these things for yourself. I am glad you recognize how wrong it was. Whether or not you decide to stay with you W, please seek help on this issue. This will damage every relationship you ever have.
I would like to challenge your thinking on the word PRO darknes. M is a decision not taken lightly, a vow between you and your W before God. A vow to commit to only one person until you die.
Your PRO is condoning infidelity. You're saying that even if my WW sleeps with the entire soccer team because I pushed her away, then I must learn to accept it and ultimately we need to find ourselves and each other. This goes against the monogamous institution that we all signed up for and once believed in, when we got married.
What chapter 1 of the DR book is saying, is that we should allow infidelity and accept polygamy in M. These are simple blips in the pursuit of happiness.
I disagree. M for me is a choice, a choice to be together. My WW has made her wrong choice. I need to make the right one now.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I think the section on improving yourself needs a goal or two around learning to treat women as people, not Barbie dolls.
You have a lot of goals already, but this is a core issue that is too important to leave for later. Better to swear and have authentic relationships with women than to not swear and be shallow.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
I also see you have a young son. A young son who will look to you and how you treat women.
I agree with Rose. This is an issue you should put at the forefront. Before saving your M. Or ending your M. Or what have you.
I am against infidelity. I would never commit it, I would not accept it as ok, but I would try to work through it if my spouse ended his A.
I am quite a few years past my D, my exH being married to his AP for 5 years, have realized there are actions committed in M's that can be as bad as infidelity.
I am quite a few years past my D, my exH being married to his AP for 5 years, have realized there are actions committed in M's that can be as bad as infidelity.
Ginger1,
What types of actions are you talking about? Do you mean breaking up the family?
I am quite a few years past my D, my exH being married to his AP for 5 years, have realized there are actions committed in M's that can be as bad as infidelity.
Ginger1,
What types of actions are you talking about? Do you mean breaking up the family?
What I mean is marriage is way more than just staying faithful through one another. There are acts you can commit that are just as hurtful. That are just as damaging that will break trust all the same as infidelity.
Emotional abuse is one of them. breaking one you love so badly they feel completely unworthy. It happened to me, I've seen it happen to others that are close to me.
It is an awful betrayal. And takes remorse, wanting to change, and TONS of really hard work to repair the M and damage that has been done by it. Just like when there is an A.
