So WW is being as manipulative as she could ever be. I'm having to see her for what she is, the devil... I know that she needs an exorcism. LOL
Anyhows, I must drop her. She said that she will give up her new friends, the partying, alcohol if i most importantly bring the "old DDJ" back, because this new one is not the man she fell in love with.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
@Sandi, yes, i am in a very different place to Coconut. I need to save myself, whilst coconut is trying to save his M.
So i never got the job, was not meant to be. But i believe that the interviews happened at the right time to keep me motivated at the most difficult time of my life. It helped keep me strong. Now i need to do it myself. I can do it.
And now for some breaking WW news... Just when i thought my life was sooo bad, my W comes home - with corn-rows in her hair. I spoke about corn-rows about a month ago, as that is what black men love. And i just burst out laughing. I am a little anxious because i can see her waywardness physically, but happy because I can see it to motivate me. Kinda ironic.
I think she's on her way out tonight. Another opportunity to detach. I am looking forward to the day when i can just drop her. I need to get there. No vindictiveness, no ultimatums, no hurt, no pain. JUST GO.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So stbxww tells me that she's going out to get food as I never made food for her. An hour later and she's still not back, so I put my S to sleep. I put my phone off, close my door, and detach for the evening.
I awake at 3am. I wake her up, I ask her if she thinks I'm 2 years old that she can't tell me she's spending time with other men and does not know when she'll be home. She left in her full pj's btw. I tell her next time she goes, just let me know you're leaving and you don't know when you'll be back. I eventually got a yes out of her.
One of my friends said that it appears that I'm dealing with a rebellious teenager. It could not have been stated better.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I wanted to add her back onto my phone to get files whilst on vacation and then delete her again, she joked that I could name her contact "whore that broke my heart".she actually said it without solicitation.
I simple called her spouse.
Anyhows, I'm thinking about the words broken and heart, with my analytical mind. Did she really break my heart? Was it not always broken? I never knew love for God, my mother, my son, my family and friends, myself.
As for heart, well it feels much more full than its ever been.
Her and I were destined to be together. And now destined to be apart. I do not know what the future holds, but I'll give that to God to control.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So spoke with STBXWW today, she's happy with a 7/7 split, spoke about D settlement, and i could get away without spending an extra cent, after transfer of house.
No maintenance either due to the 50% share. Will apply for house by friday.
As for any chance of reconciling, well she was all over me trying to get some. She even said "you can wear a condom if you want". WOW, that filled me with confidence.
I was also thinking about my ten years with her, for those that followed my story, I was always attracted to other girls. Up to the point where I almost kissed someone else, I always used to say (to her) that I have a weakness for pretty girls. Anyhows, I woke up after that incident and realised that I was married, and this was not the right thing to do. A few days later she was pressing me and I said "you know that that chick is prettier than you". I realise that I was saying that I was more attracted to her than to my own W.
So my over-analytical mind is thinking, if I was so close to being waywward (again), does that mean that I loved my wife but was not in love with her?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
You sound very all over the place to me. Regardless of what you want I think you need to take a big step back. Even if you don't want to R with your W. Your behavior, from what I can read through a computer, is erratic and unattractive. I'm quite confused why you would wake your W up in the middle of the night.
My advice would be to STFU and go about your life. Leave your W be and if D is what you want then quit talking to her about it and see a lawyer.
You both sound like you have a lot of growing up to do. Maybe some time apart will allow the two of you to do so if you can leave each other be for long enough. It seems you both are just trying to get a rise out of one another.
@T0324, yes it certainly helps. Sandi brought up before that her and I need MC. I think we need to find ourselves first after a D and then see if we even want to consider a R. One thing is certain, we are both co-dependant - getting a rise out of each other. I don't want to be attractive to her, as I am not attracted to her. Yes i just said that. I find things about her attractive tho.
Just got off the phone with my mother for one hour, trying to understand my progression of feelings towards my STBXWW over the 11 years, and it does not look pretty. Not going to speak to her about it tho...
I'm realising that I was attracted to her physically from day one, never really to the person inside. I never liked the person inside, the person I see now.
Once she lost a little bit of her physical attractiveness, I couldn't even look at her - shallow - ego - definitely. How could someone tell their own W that they're getting fat on their honeymoon? I DID. If DB'ing is to fix yourself, then call me MR BUILDER.
I have too much growing up to do. I need to find myself. If only life was simple and we knew who we were. But we bounce around knocking into people and impacting on their lives. As long as we learn lessons, then nothing can be lost. What a lesson this is.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I think TO324 was suggesting individual counseling, not MC. Regardless of whether you want to be attractive to your wife, you want to eventually be attractive to someone, right?
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
I think TO324 was suggesting individual counseling, not MC. Regardless of whether you want to be attractive to your wife, you want to eventually be attractive to someone, right?
Yes...
Whether you want to save your marriage or not, I think you should seek individual counseling. things change often and I went through periods of wanting to move on and then wanting to save my M. It's a roller coaster ... So please do not have R convos with your W. Keep the road home smooth SHOULD either of you change your mind.
