Haven't posted in a week. Last Friday WW was feeling ill and came to lie down on the couch as I was leaving for work. It looked like she had a bad headache so I poured her a cup of coffee, gave it to her and told her good bye as I left for work (she's usually still asleep when I leave for work). She later texted me, thanking me for my kindness saying it was unexpected. She felt better Friday evening and went to play trivia with our friends (I stayed home with D3). She initiated a conversation about our relationship when she returned and she started spewing and let me know all of my faults and why we could never R. I did my best validation work yet and eventually I ended the conversation by leaving to take our dog for a walk.
She also asked if she could take our D3 to see a ballet rendition of Sleeping Beauty. She gave me grief a week ago because I told her I needed time to think about it. I told her I didn't have a problem with them going to a 10am showing on Saturday. She came back a little while later and asked if I would like to go as well. I surprised her and myself by saying yes. So on Saturday my WW, D3 and I went to the ballet. I got bored by it but my D3 loved it. Things went ok. WW asked at ballet about filing taxes jointly. I told her I had planned on filing individual but married but I was open to the idea of filing jointly. We had lunch together when we returned home from the ballet.
Sunday and Monday she has continued to be nice and pleasant to me.
Don't get me wrong, I don't see the clouds parting and a path to R. I still see D in our future.
Some days I'm all for D and moving forward with my life and other days I'm all for R and moving forward with my life. I continue to pray and I continue trying to be grateful for the things that I do have (like D3). It doesn't remove the anger and sadness I have for my lost M, but it does soften the edges.
I've still been following many threads and hope to comment on them again soon. Vaya con dios.
Me:44 W:38 T:10.5 M:7.5 D:3 BD: 7/2015 W moves out of MBR: 9/2015 WW files for D: 2/8/2016
Glad you're getting to that better place. All of our sitches will be sorted out and we will all be better people because of it with or without spouse. I want my WAW badly but I will have my own life to lead and if they cant see what we have put on the line to fixit, maybe they aren't worthy of our hard work.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Thank you daybyday. I agree. I think it really all depends on us. It seems most, if not all, on this board engage in self introspection. It's how we react to it and what we do with it. Some sitch are slower developing and call for more patience, others need to be addressed immediately.
My sitch is by no means over or completely better, but I'm slowly coming to terms that change is inevitable regardless of whether or not it is the change I desire. I still hope to R and I hope othsr continue seeking R or what they desire but I now realize that is unlikely, at least in the near future.
Here's hoping that everyone's sitch works out for them the way it is meant and that it is aligned with what they think they want.
Me:44 W:38 T:10.5 M:7.5 D:3 BD: 7/2015 W moves out of MBR: 9/2015 WW files for D: 2/8/2016
Glad you posted G8r. I was thinking of you this morning however didn't have an opportunity to check in.
It sounds like your are in a good mind set. Happy to be civil, not expecting anything. Which is good if you truly believe you have no wxpectaions.
It does sound like you are doing well. Rember back to when you and I started here. We were both in similar places and panicking. Look at us now. Still living and getting better!
Stay strong buddy.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
She also asked if she could take our D3 to see a ballet rendition of Sleeping Beauty. She gave me grief a week ago because I told her I needed time to think about it. I told her I didn't have a problem with them going to a 10am showing on Saturday.
Why does your W ask for your permission to take D3 anywhere?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi Sandi. Although we are doing in house separation when D is in the works, she jumped the gun and we split time with D3. I have Monday and Wednesday. She has Tuesday and Thursday. We alternate Friday and weekends. This was her idea to start prior to divorce. She asked because it was my weekend to have D3. Funny thing is that even though she wanted to start this arrangement, she has wanted to switch days 3 times already.
Me:44 W:38 T:10.5 M:7.5 D:3 BD: 7/2015 W moves out of MBR: 9/2015 WW files for D: 2/8/2016
My sitch is by no means over or completely better, but I'm slowly coming to terms that change is inevitable regardless of whether or not it is the change I desire. I still hope to R and I hope othsr continue seeking R or what they desire but I now realize that is unlikely, at least in the near future.
G8r,
Glad you are checking in. Seems like you are feeling in a pretty good place. I'm happy for you! I also love what you wrote here. It really feels like detaching and having no expectations. I have my moments, but I look forward to feeling that way permanently. Keep it up!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Hi Tyler12 and broke. Thank you for your continued support. I appreciate it. I'm a bit better because the lows don't seem so low but I know I have more coming. Moving out when D is finalized for one. In the meantime, I'll do my best to be grateful and appreciative of my remaining time with WW and all my time with D3.
AAnother example of my growth, WW was complaining that the AC on 2nd floor wasn't working. I initially thought to myself, why is she telling me this? According to her I never do anything around the house. Let het fix it. Then I thought that I'm a fixer and one of the things she used to love about me and something I liked about myself (mainly because it's always gotten the attention of the ladies) is that I am capable of some home repair. Turns out that the batteries in the thermostat were dead and needed to be replaced. Easy fix and it provided me an opportunity to show off what she'll be missing when D is complete. om is computer guy in a different state so she would be in world of hurt and embarrassment calling HVAC guy to replace batteries in thermostat. I didn't get a thank you but wasn't bothered by it more than 2 minutes because I didn't expect one (wanted it but certainly didn't need it).
Long story short, I did something that made me feel good about myself and had an opportunity to show WW I'm a guy that only a fool would walk away from. I sure as heck won't be doing things like that after I move out (unless it had a direct adverse effect on D3, this wouldn't have because I don't really think it's hot enough to use AC any way).
Me:44 W:38 T:10.5 M:7.5 D:3 BD: 7/2015 W moves out of MBR: 9/2015 WW files for D: 2/8/2016
