Mb- I'm so sorry to hear about your son that is ridiculous that the school still has that person driving! I have no advice about the H because he sounds just as confusing as mine and I had to give up on trying to figure mine out. Just know we are all here for you and Hopefully someone will come give you some great advice <3
Rednail, thanks for taking the time to post on here. I really appreciate it. I haven't been able to go to the school to talk to the transportation dept yet. I really think I would have a hard time staying calm at this point.
As for H, I'm sorry that yours is an idiot like mine! I have come to accept that I can't make him do the right thing...or even see what that is! Doesn't make it easier, just means that I gave resigned myself to that fact. I do wish someone would give me their advice/opinion on whether our anniversary is a good day to break NC and see H. I have been NC for a long time and it isn't working so I do plan on breaking NC anyway. Just not sure of the timing.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
MB - glad to see you posting again. I am also glad you found a new IC that you like.
I hope someone reaches out to you about you breaking NC on your anniversary. My 21st anniversary is in April, so I am interested to hear what others say and what you do. And, I am certainly to expert on this DB'ing process. However, my first response is to not do it….just afraid it will be too emotional for you, especially if he doesn't remember. I guess you need to look at it from what you hope to accomplish? What would breaking NC do for you or to benefit your R?
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
MB, today is the anniversary of your marriage to H. That marriage didn't work out so well. When you and H reconcile, and it sticks, that will be the anniversary to celebrate. Make that more likely by being independent and strong today. Don't go over there and remind him of the marriage that didn't work out so well. Remind him of what he's lost by NOT showing up!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
MB - glad to see you posting again. I am also glad you found a new IC that you like.
Me too! I have only ever been to one IC before so I had NO IDEA how not helpful he was until I talked to someone else. The first one was easy to talk to, but never really offered any insight or advice on how to change or fix things. I really think this new one is going to do that and so much more. I am finally hopeful that I will get the help I need to work through things that are going on now as well as things I have buried from my past.
Originally Posted By: broke
I guess you need to look at it from what you hope to accomplish? What would breaking NC do for you or to benefit your R?
Not sure I really hope to accomplish anything today. It's my anniversary and I just FEEL like I'm supposed to share it with my H. I know he doesn't feel the same way. But I would like to at least be in the same room with him at some point today. Just to see him. I'm just so sad today and I don't want to feel this way. Tired of the tears running down my face. Especially tired of them being for someone who doesn't seem to care one bit about me. Unfortunately, I haven't stopped caring about him yet.
As for breaking NC in general, it's NOT WORKING. The book says to do what works. Try something, monitor the results, then try something else if it's not working. Well, it's been weeks....months of NC and it really isn't working. I have honestly tried, but it just isn't getting me anything at all except out of sight out of mind. That's it! I don't know what else to do, but I just don't feel like this is it. I would certainly welcome anyone else's advice if they have any to offer.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
MB, today is the anniversary of your marriage to H. That marriage didn't work out so well. When you and H reconcile, and it sticks, that will be the anniversary to celebrate. Make that more likely by being independent and strong today. Don't go over there and remind him of the marriage that didn't work out so well. Remind him of what he's lost by NOT showing up!
WHY...WHY...WHY do you make sense when you're giving someone else advice and looking at their situation, but you run around chasing your tail while KNOWING it's not working for you???????
Thank you for the post. I don't know what I will end up doing today. Sometimes I get things in my head and just can't stop myself. I will try to stay level headed though. Maybe I will go buy myself some chocolate (It makes EVERYTHING better!), a new dress, and take my son out to dinner tonight instead of seeing H. It won't be the same, but I sure do love my son and he has been through a lot.
Say a prayer for me because God knows I want to go over there........
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
TYLER, you always make me feel better, WHERE ARE YOU?
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
MB...you do not want to break NC with H on your anniversary. I'm not so sure that it's a good idea at all, but if you're going to do it anyway, don't do it on an emotionally charged day like today. WAS don't care about this stuff, and the fact you will have an emotional reaction to it just means you will come away from any interaction feeling hurt. You will have expectations in reaching out to him...its unavoidable. And he is not going to live up to them. Trust me...it [censored]. Last year on our anniversary, I tried doing the same thing. H did not even acknowledge me. It's bad enough to be kicked in the teeth and rejected on any ordinary day of the week. It's far worse to feel it on a day you're emotional about.
^^^ Annab knows what she's talking about, M. It's good advice. And I really like your idea about chocolate, a new dress, and dinner out. That's very wise.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hi MB. So happy your back home and S was released. It may have seemed early to you. I'm sure if they had concerns they would have kept him.
You are a very strong woman. Remember that. My advice. Do NOT go see H today. I honestly see nothing good coming from you seeing H today.
If he thinks of you and feels a need to contact you he will. I am asking you to let it be for now for your own sanity.
When I read you wanted to see H today at his place in hopes of a positive reaction to anniversary. I tried to think of the positives from it. And negatives.
If the situation is negative it is going to have a far stronger effect on you personally than a positive one.
Best positive I see is all is forgiven and starting a new R. Chances of that I'm sorry to say aren't high right now. And if it did happen there will still be a lot of work and still no promise of success.
Worst case, and I have been avoiding this one cause it would crush me. You go over to see him and OW is there. It would destroy any progress I had made.
I'm wish your situation today would have gave me the opportunity to make you feel better. It makes me smile knowing you are smiling at my words.
Remember you are a beautiful desirable woman. Any man would be lucky to have you. We all need to be lucky to have ourselves first tho.
You will make it through this MB. And we are all here to help.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Hi mb I'm still floating around I've been no contact for 3 months now it's hard I still think about her everyday. I have to agree with the other posters about today and reaching out on your anniversary. I can't see someone who shows no interest in you reciprocating anything positive. Hold your head up have faith in yourself we all know we have positives and negatives. Everyone here had chosen to work on themselves learn grow and change. Stick with it let as they say be a great person only a fool would let go!
Well done on the new IC a good one that offers feedback books to read or sets homework for you will help. It took me a few to find on that fitted in with me.
I wish your son a speedy recovery and hope he bounces back . I'm sorry that your husband didn't respond or reach out that's on him all we can do it be responsible for our own actions
