REALLY trying to detach...but GALing regardless!#5

[Sparkls]

They've been married 11 years look like? That kid is still been his kid for 11 years. He's being a ass. He needs to call his stepson.
That wayward fog for ya. It's truly amazing how selfish they become.

[NYGal]

You're right about that, Sparks! MB could use a break right about now.

[Thornton]

I think he has a personality disorder.

[Sparkls]

I think they ALL have personality disorders. We're clearly the sane ones ;-)
But seriously, we're here for her. Her son's going to be great and someday he's going to seriously regret these decisions.

[NYGal]

Any other thoughts on whether or not MB should call and give him an update or ask for support? They've been NC for many weeks now.

[broke]

I completely agree with Sparks. Don't bother communicating anymore with H. He got message and ignored it. Probably was too passive-aggressive but I'm sure she's scared and upset about her son. Also, agree to contact grandparents if they should know. Hugs to MB and her son. Glad he's going to be ok!

[otw]

I understand he should want to be there. But does she have other people in her life? Why does she need him?
I guess I am not trying to be insensitive during this time but to put it bluntly is this possibly being used for her to just have contact with him?

I can't see the benefit as u think she is going to be angry at him now

[Tyler12]

I feel for MB very much right now. She is such an amazing person and deserves the world. Things have been hard without adding this to the pile and I pray her an her son and all her family are strong and everything is good.

I understand reaching out to H in this situation. It is important that he be told. However it is his choice what to do with the information. She can't push t with him. This has nothing to do with DB as I see it. It has to do with a scared not and mom and a POS self absorbed human being that had no compassion or thought for anyone but himself.

History aside S was his son for 11 years and if he is going to harbour anger from the M and towards MB and push her by being a jerk that is his path and she can not change it.

We are all here praying and sending good feelings her way. She is a strong woman and will get through it. I have no doubts about that

[- MB -]

I understand he should want to be there. But does she have other people in her life? Why does she need him?
I guess I am not trying to be insensitive during this time but to put it bluntly is this possibly being used for her to just have contact with him?

I can't see the benefit as u think she is going to be angry at him now

Otw, thank you for your kindness and sensitivity during this unimaginably stressfull time I'm going through. My son was in a horrible accident on Wednesday afternoon and has been in the hospital since then. I left one time just long enough to run home to get personal belongings for him and my iPad so I would have something to do while sitting here in the hospital waiting for the next day...or two...or maybe longer to find out if my son will require surgery to stop his internal bleeding. And, I'm holding this vigil BY MYSELF while battling a raging cold that has been seriously kicking my butt since Monday.

Do I have other people in my life? Absolutely! Are they "here for me" right now? Not so much. No. Why do I need H? I don't NEED him, but there are times that I really WANT him. I WANT him to come and help me. I WANT him to be strong so I don't always have to be. I WANT him to make me feel better because absolutely nothing else seems to be doing that right now. Need him? NO! I don't NEED him for anything. Did I use my son being in the hospital as a "reason" to contact him? Absolutely not! If I wanted to contact him, I'd just do it. I've done it before, I'm sure at some point I will do it again. I did not use my son's near death experience as an excuse to reach out to H.

The one thing in your post that you got 100% right is that I am angry at him. I stopped calling him MONTHS ago because he doesn't answer my calls. Every time he doesn't ansewr, it hurts my feelings. I had hoped that since we had been NC for SOOOO long, he would answer. When he didn't, I called right back again because I figured he would REALIZE that it was important. Still, no answer. No answer the second time caused me to become very irritated with him. I mean, I NEVER CALL. We are in complete NC. So I texted him. Yep, I was short with him. And, irritated. In my text, I at no point told him that my son was alive or okay. Seriously, he doesn't even care enough to find out if he lived? He didn't have to contact me. He could have contacted my parents, another child, SOMEONE. But, instead, nothing. You bet I'm mad!!!!!

[- MB -]

Hi everyone! I haven't been on here much lately. It just seems like when I come to the forums lately, things just seem more and more hopeless to me. I did want to thank NY for posting for me and for everyone that sent me hugs, warm thoughts and prayers my way. And, thank you Tyler, you're always so sweet to me.

As most everyone knows, I've been NC with H for the better part of 5 months now. There was a brief R attempt in Dec, but H was just lying to me and never intended to work on things with me. Other than that, we have been NC. I do miss him and want to talk to him. Had even been thinking of going over there, but always talk myself out of it.

The day before Valentine's Day the OW came to my house and wanted to talk to me. I'm sure the right thing to do would have been to refuse to talk to her and tell her to figure out things on her own. That's not what I did. I talked to her and answered her questions honestly. Didn't lie to her. Didn't try to protect H at all. Just told her the truth. I believe it caused her and my H go temporarily "break up" for a short time. If that were the case, it's definitely back on now. I guess in H's eyes, I'm supposed to sit back, keep my mouth shut, and protect him while he has a PA with ow. How dare me tell the truth to someone when the ask me a question about H! Never mind that he talks to ow about ME. That he tells her about MY Kids. That he SHOWS her where my apartment is. That isn't allowed to bother me. I'm just supposed to be backup plan and STFU while he gets his jollies.

On Wednesday afternoon my son was in an accident that ended with him being run over by a school bus. We are still in the hospital watching his injuries and waiting to see if the bleeding in his belly has stopped for good or if he will need to have surgery. He's stable for now and things are looking good for him. He might even get to go home this evening or maybe tomorrow if his blood counts continue to look good.

I reached out to H and called him to let him know about the accident. I didn't do it just to have a reason to contact him. I just really thought he would want to know and felt it was the right thing to do. I was wrong. He doesn't care! I will admit that when he didn't answer TWICE, I was irritated with him and was a bit short with him in my text message. I did not tell him that my son was okay...or even alive. I am really having a hard time understanding how he can not care enough to even check to see if he is alive or not! He didn't have to contact ME, he could have called another of my kids or my parents. This is just so hurtful to me. He not only doesn't seem to care if he knows if my S is alive or not, he doesn't even care one bit about how his injury or possible death is affecting me. I understand A fog and all that, but aren't there just some things that require even just a modicum of compassion or common decency?

I suppose I'm mindreading just a tad (yes, I do have a mindreading degree in a previous life!), but I really think that his refusal to pick up the phone or even text/call back is because I spoke with his ow a few weeks ago. I was wondering how mad he was going to be at me and how long his anger would last. Well, I got half of the question answered. He's pretty darn ticked off! How long will it last? Forever???? What can I do about it? Nothing! Seems to be the story of my life these days.

This right here is exactly why I haven't been posting here lately. I feel like I'm in an endless repeating loop. H is a jerk, nothing I can do about it, get over it. Just very frustrated these days. I'm tired of feeling like all I do is complain and feel defeated. If anyone is still reading this, thanks for listening to me vent and feel sorry for myself. I will eventually work through it, but not today.