Sandi2- it's me...all over the map but appreciate your kind words.
I know she will be happy to just be with me. I am going to encourage my STBX to go to co parenting counseling with me. The questions from a 6 yr old will come and we need to be on the same page.....
And Azzork- i chuckled with your response & totally agree that I would "out in the cold" if I followed that path....but glad she threw out that knife for me to try to walk into....
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
You are paying for a L for a reason. Let go of what the L is working on and refocus your thought train to you. She is bullying you and trying to control you and you are getting pulled into the madness. You have the power to rise above it all. Focus on your 6 year old and your new life. The life where you are in control and having fun and working on you that has nothing to do with her.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
The mirage of any R is gone and I expect to have the D papers tomorrow or this weekend. She is angry....taking jabs whenever she can. That moment will be kind of surreal for me getting the D papers...reality
Thankfully she has calmed down around "I am out of here or you are" as I think her L talked sense into her.
Took D to dinner tonight. Kid says "you are the best daddy in the world"....almost made me cry. I looked around and saw other families together at dinner (whether happy or not :-)) & really got sad more for her than me. What an innocent kid and just don't want her life messed up from this....that is all I am guarding against right now. And keeping my mind and heart from going backwards again to the hurtful place of the last 4+ months
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Rich I know the feelings looking around. I won't sugar coat this. As having a childhood like this I feel the pain of divorce and wish I didn't grow up that way as I missed my dad, but i was also 6 hours away from him.
I know this affects my kids, but I think they handle it quite well. Please be there for them, but don't let that fear hold you too hard. I had that bad for a while.
I look back now and I do believe while yes I was worried about them a lot, I was also using them as a crutch for me not wanting to accept the reality of what was happening to me as well.
I feel I have held on to a lot of hope for maybe too long. I am trying to come to terms with this is over. I don't want to feel the way I do anymore and I am trying to navigate that path.
The kids will know what their lives were like and who played what role. All we can do is make sure we shine for them, not over any one, but for them.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I cant change the sitch so I have to deal with it and make the best of it.
I really have gotten over the personal stuff that will come from the D in the embarrassment of telling friends, family co-workers etc....finances , life upheaval and just focused on my D
We really don't know the impact until the kids are older and all the research I have read is not positive on D but its up to me on trying to make it as best a situation as possible for her
Its a sadness that is buried in my gut daily....I have to move past it eventually but I don't let her see me not smile For those with multiple children, I really feel for you all! ugh....scotch please.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Those who have gone thru this can probably feel my angst coming thru the computer.
Yes indeed. The angst has become a common theme in your thread. Read up on The Stockdale Paradox. Perhaps you will find it to be helpful.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Will do....my sitch is at code level red with another incident last night from STBX that I don't care to write about...too painful
Wish she would pack up and go at this point. I will continue to linger here as I muddle thru this difficult time and try to get myself out of the D fog. Going to look into some local D support groups...I need it
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
I feel for you man. Now would be a great time for you to do a search on The Stockdale Paradox. Let us know what you think.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I read it..interesting. Keeping the optimism going but being realistic....and honest with yourself if I read it correctly.
I am trying man....trying.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
