not much to update today. Just wanted everyone to know that i am reading on many situations and hope the best for all.
I will try to update later. Trying to figure out my first New Years eve without kids or wife in a very long time. Not sure i want to hit the bar scene but seems like that is all everyone I know is doing!
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I did end up going tout for a while so i wasnt stuck at home with my thoughts. I send messages to kids and family at midnight. I even sent a message to my W. Very simple happy new year and her name. She replied with a Happy new years!, then she sent some pictures of the kids. I told her thank you for the pictures and thanks for giving them a great new years eve. she replied your welcome and now she has to wrestle them to go to bed. it was a pleasant interaction.
Something i realized that bothers me more and more for a few reasons is when i have the kids and she doesnt call them at night to say good night. Makes me mad that she is probably out and thinks running around with friends is more important than her kids at that point. Then i realize it bothers me because I start getting anxious about what she is doing.
I then started expecting her not to call, and began getting over it.
It made me realize that she is far from being out of her fog.
And just now as i am typing this i receive a text message from her. it is weird because my heart drops when i see a message from her, the kids are in school right now so what could she need to message me for?
the message read "is my sams club membership cancelled?" I kind of laughed to myself. I have had a company membership for years and always just gave her a card off of my account. the renewal was in the end of november and the last time i went i had to pay for the renewal on my card. I did not pay for her card. I told her i simply had to pay my renewal last time i was there and she may be able to pay the renewal while she is there, or get s day pass under my name. thing is i know she will have to get her own membership now but not my problem right? Weird thing is still makes me feel bad because i always just took care of things like this for her and it doesnt feel good to not have renewed hers. I did consider it but i feel like i would have been still pursuing in a round about way if i did this.
Oh well, we will see how this plays out. I have had the intention of trying to minimize all contact in January and reassess at the end of the month. I am doing this to see if i can detach a little more for myself and honestly to see what kind of reaction i get from her as well. I know it should just be for me, hopefully after this it will be more for me.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
otw, Sandi has told me over and over again......"you have to let her put on her big girl panties and take care of herself." Everything you did take care of for her she'll need to take care of for herself. This is part of the process of realizing what it will be like without you. She had to feel the loss of you in every aspect of life.
I struggle daily to not help my WXW. even though we are officially D'd she is still living in the house
Last edited by gs9; 01/04/1611:26 PM.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
I've been looking through the MLC threads this morning, looking for inspiration and guidance. I found this little gem, and I'm going around sharing it with everyone I think it may be helpful to. Sometimes everything just gets to be too much, and I forget where I'm supposed to be focusing. It really helped me redefine where I want to go, and how I'm going to get there. I hope it helps you a bit, too.
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
Consider the DB basic principals....
1) Healthy boundaries. 2) Better communication 3) GAL 4) "act as if" 5) Change how you look at things 6) Keep a positive outlook 7) Personal growth 8) Learning more about you so that you can be all that you can be. 9) Learning to avoid "cheese less tunnels" 10) Love and respect
These principals can be used in all facets of ones life. When used properly....they truly can change you from the INSIDE OUT.
Something i realized that bothers me more and more for a few reasons is when i have the kids and she doesnt call them at night to say good night. Makes me mad that she is probably out and thinks running around with friends is more important than her kids at that point. Then i realize it bothers me because I start getting anxious about what she is doing.
I then started expecting her not to call, and began getting over it.
How can you change your mindset to not have any expectations either way, positive or negative?
Azzork I am not sure the answer to that. I really wish i did know the answer. I know the standard answers are detach, GAl, but I have the mind that analyzes everything. Actually, way too much. I am aware of this and I have had IC discussions on this.
I can easily create something in my mind that may have no chance of being reality by piecing a few unrelated items or instances together. I try to immediately push them out of my mind but once it is there it is there.
I really need to turn the focus on my relationship with my kids and onto myself. I do not do a bad job of this, but I still find time to let my mind wander. I will admit that during the time since she moved out I filled my time and kept my mind busy with the wrong types of things (going out to drinking with friends) this was fine for the immediate time but the following days were not good mentally.
I do have activities that I fill time with now, but i think the beginning was not used in the best fashion I just delayed dealing with the initial process.
I am open to suggestions
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I dont have the kids this weekend so I am trying to figure out a 2 day trip to take just to get away. I need to avoid the weekend and just hanging out with friends at bars. I want to experience something different. Need to also make sure it is not something we have done together as I do not want any memories popping in the way.
Will update once i think of something.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
