I have been contemplating my sit. WW goes about as if things are fine. She told me that I should just go back to the way I was before her A; speaks to A as if it was in the past (she is implying that I should just not care about her like I did before.. that's her perception and I see how she thinks that.. but how can I? I am not that guy.. I changed and that change is for me!
For awhile now I have been thinking of my boundary; something that would help me detach; and that is split our living finances. My thought is why should I support a WW who is capable of supporting herself?
Last night W makes a comment about taking the car to fill gas (Costco on her way to work) and my response was it has enough gas. She quickly replies she can’t drive it anymore (that I won’t let her). I respond, you took the car last week to work, filled it with gas (thanks for doing but on my CC that you are refusing to help pay), went to dinner with your “high school classmates”, then drove OM home; and spent time there alone. Why should I let you drive the car (that she haven’t put a dime towards)?
She tells me to take her off the car registration. So I tell her that’s fine. But we need to look at other things too like CC (because my thought is she uses CC but doesn’t help pay the bill). She reacts and gets the CC whips it at me, I pick it off the floor and place on kitchen counter, she comes over and says I will help you and starts to cut the CC with scissors.
WW pissed! Later that night, she explains how she put her career on hold to be the safe/secure one in the family allowing me to take risk and progress professionally. How she was my support when I lost my jobs during bad economy. This is all true and I cannot deny it but that was not what she portrayed years ago.. it was that she did not want to move jobs that she was comfortable at her job.. I have tried to spark the interest for her to purse her career goal; but she would always give an excuse why she did not want to change and those excuses were because she was comfortable. So again, WW sees things differently and making it know that I was not there for her... and now "I am sticking it" to her.. this is a no win situation.. I can't even detach cleanly.
That's a nice positive outlook and will make a mental note of it; thanks for sharing. I like my job but this year has been HELL at work and it is wearing me down; hoping things change in the next few months.
I stopped woodworking and home projects this year.. thinking I will pick that back up Spring/Summer 2016 (I don't have a heated garage).
This morning I walked into the MBR to get ready for work, WW is inside getting her clothes (she doesn't sleep in there only has her stuff). She says, I find it odd that you choose not to step inside spare bedroom (where she sleeps and text OM) but you are fine driving car (cause she took the OM home the other night from dinner. I never told her she can't drive it but I would not answer yes to driving it).. adding "how you know I wasn't holding his hand"; she continues.. it's all about you and want works for you (she is making a point how I am selfish). I tell her I do not want to talk about it.. we don't need to get ugly.
She then follows me into MBR bath and tells me to get out. She needs to get ready and takes my things off the counter sink and throws them out into the MBR floor.
I told her stop it.. it doesn't have be ugly.. let me get my things (picked up and stepped out). What the F was that about?!?
Sandi, sorry I am slow (as my neurons are not firing on all cylinders these days.. they are fried). She made a comment the other week that really caught my attention and had no response other than I was sorry.
WW said, do you want me to post on FaceBook how you raped me. She says definition of rape is when someone says, no.. ah yah we all know that.. (WW said no because she came off of pill, thinking it was causing her headaches, and that she was most susceptible to getting preg at that time). Different perspectives, me just thinking she was just tired (for the record I DID NOT force myself onto her).. her now vocally saying that I raped her.. I think this is how she views it now and it hurts me to hear her think that. I know we are to believe nothing they say but this is a stinger.. because it's not true but it's how she views things now.
I hope this is not a trick question for me but.. she is acting out in hopes of controlling the world she created, OM and.. me to support the leftovers.. but I am establishing my boundary now that I will not support a WW while she is with OM and that does not fit her fantasy world.
WW acting this way because she blames me for putting us in our sit. Does not want to take ownership and work with me to fit it. Easier to point the finger at me.
Well, that's all true, but mostly she was showing you just how little she respects you. When she's throwing things around, javing a trantrum, I suggest you can't be nice by telling her it doesn't have to get nasty. To be very frank, it comes across as you being way too soft. I mean, she's pitching a fit and slinging things out of the bathroom through the door onto the bedroom floor. This is a WW's way of saying, "Now, what will you do about this little bit of disrespect I am showing you"? In other words, it's a test to see if you are man enough to do anything about it.
That is mainly what a WW does, is test the H's manhood. She challenges him about everything. Just like a spoiled brat who throws temper tantrums when they don't get everything exactly like they want it. I am no fan of Dr. Spock, so I will tell you that anytime a parent tells a spoiled brat, who is pitching a fit, that it doesn't have to be that way........that parent is helping to create a monster. I believe that's basically what a LBH is doing when he follows his WW around the house trying to calm her down or giving some type of soft-soap response. You are only helping to create a larger monster. And, a monster who will despise you! Is that what you want?
The only way to handle a mean, spoiled, disrespectful, wayward woman is to leave her standing in her own sh't and let her clean it up all by little ole'self. Why are you putting up with her crap? I just don't get it. When a school yard bully picked on you, what did you do?
You have an ugly, spoiled, bully living in your house. And you are going to stand there while she's throwing things, telling her it doesn't have to get nasty? It's already nasty! So, get prepared b/c it's going to get a lot worse. The LBH who dilly-dallied around, hoping his WW will end her A and want to work on the M, can thank himself when things getting worse. I will tell you, and any H out there........it doesn't have to be this way. She is acting this way b/c YOU allow her to do it.
Nothing will work until you show her you will not stick around any woman who acts like her. Until you start acting like you deserve better.........why do you think she's going to believe you do?
Stop being the nice-guy H.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It's already nasty! So, get prepared b/c it's going to get a lot worse. The LBH who dilly-dallied around, hoping his WW will end her A and want to work on the M, can thank himself when things getting worse.
I think I am there as it is getting worse. Last night, WW is working on things for this weekend's party we are hosting. She hands me a check from her newly created bank account and tells me she went to Costco and used debit card from my account (although its a joint account); so paying me back. I was caught off guard and asked what was the check for? She went off and cut the debit card up as she did the other night with the Costco AMEX.. saying here I won't use this either. Just because I asked for clarification on why she handed me a check..
Later she tells me she is not going on road-trip to College Football Bowl Game on New Years Eve with family friends. She plans to tell kids the night before.. kids already said they do not want to go if we do not go as a family. She said she does not want to go because she does not want to be with me.
WW tells me that we need to get a 3rd party to help us determine cost of living because it's unfair for her to pay half when I make more; that we need to factor all the other things besides just bills.
Your situation begs for a strict 180. Your wife is behaving like a child. The 180 will snap her out of it. Don't waiver or go in half-ass. Full on 180 religiously. Judging from your wife's words and actions, it'll work. Don't get drawn into fights. 180.
