Mutatio, I needed to hear that today. Was having doubts, wondering what am I fighting for? I am not fighting to destroy something, I am trying to heal myself and my marriage. Thank you. Now I will be going out for a bike ride. Just kidding!
My H complained that I like showers and baths...(just kidding). I think it's all part of the script. A few people have posted that their S said they were too tall/too short - ie: not anything you can do much about. However, one poster - I think it was Jim - then met OM who happens to be shorter than he is....go figure...
Last edited by Sotto; 11/06/1506:48 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto, not only do I prefer showers over baths, but I also apparently use "wild hand gestures" and I say "you know?" as well as at least a dozen other things that have varying degrees of truth. I also caused his mom to get fibromyalgia and my daughter to have OCD. Better watch out, I am pretty awful.
You two are great. I am smiling now. Here's something to shake your head at. I was off today. I was working in the garage next to her car. This is the first time I see her today. The garage door goes up and she puts her work stuff in the trunk. I look at her and say "Good Morning" and look for a response. She will not look at me. Does not say anything, walks straight to the drivers door and gets in. She starts the car, backs out, closes the door with the opener and proceeds down the driveway. No looking, no salutation just getting out of my presence asap.
My wife for whatever reason does not want anything to do with me. That is her choice and I respect it. I will act like a gentleman, treat her and my children well. Her sister and family will spend Thanksgiving with us here in our house and I will laugh, entertain, treat them well and try to make it the best Thanksgiving we have ever had. This will not define me. She will not define me. To tell you the truth I think that me behaving well causes her conflict. If that's the case here's to good behavior.
Please remind me of this tomorrow when I am at the bottom of the sine wave.
I can't understand how some people are so unkind to others. I would not behave like that to strangers, let alone someone I live with and am married to. Yes, my H and I gave eachother the silent treatment often, but common curtesies like saying hello and goodbye or answering when spoken to were still given and received. It must be so draining and miserable for her to be that way.
I know...not really giving you any advice here.
I admire your strength and your vulnerability. You are human! You love her! Yes, there are times you question your resolve, but then you stand for your marriage anyways. Just know that you give others strength by being who you are.
Diana
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Thank you Di, your kindness is appreciated. I keep trying to behave in a way that is selfless and supportive to my wife. I know my wife is struggling even if she has made up her mind and the marriage is over. Even if this is the case I feel strongly that the remaining time we have together should be pleasant. I will not behave like an horses ass . I want to enjoy each moment like it was the last. The difficulty is managing my feelings when she is focused solely on herself.
If it was easy to do the "right" thing, everyone would do it.
Sorry mutatio, that level of silent treatment would be difficult for anyone to deal with. I agree with Azzork though, this has more to do with her than you so keep on the path and be the man you want to be. It may be that she is trying to get you to react in a negative way and you continuing to be pleasant really is causing her conflict. Don't overthink it though, it could be that's she just dealing with something about herself.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Thank you Fogg. I value your read of the situation. I honestly cannot think of a better way to handle this. My son is 16 and I want this home to be as loving as it can be. I want to model the behavior a man should display when a marriage struggles. I want my son to see how a man behaves when the chips are down. I want him to see his father never gave up. In short how to be and what it takes to be a good man. This is my responsibility, this my gift to my son.
Someone once said to me about raising children, "don't worry about what they hear when your talking, worry about what they see when they watch you."
Just letting you know that I am finishing up reading you sitch. I'm still formulating my thoughts, but this is what is on top.
The co-dependence thing is definitely jumping at me. I can't quite put my finger on it yet, but there is something in it that needs to be explored further.
When I read your sitch I get the sense that your are on the edge of something profoundly life-changing and amazing. I am firmly of the belief that when the soul knows and wants to make change and action there is no stopping it. My sense is that potentially whatever is happening in your marriage, is about a contentment or outstanding need in your soul, and that wife's detachment, is the shove you need to connect with your souls work.
I feel that the sooner you come to grips with this being more about YOU, MATATIO and less about wife, the sooner you will have some peace and movement in your sitch. There's a destiny Matatio that your soul is wanting you fulfill. Your wife is providing you sign posts.
Look that is my gut read. I say the above, and you will find this yourself, that there are some sitches that it seems clear, yip this is wife's soul work. But I feel there's something here just for you. V has been edging closer and closer to it with her questions.
There is a way of thinking that I find myself trapped in at times. That what I am thinking and feeling is all that there is, that the resolution of this issue in front of me is all that matters. But really the universe being as it is, this current issue is a stepping stone to a potentially larger more abundant experience. And yet here I am stuck wondering what I can do to get my ex to talk to me. You are thinking too much and too small. My gut tells me, you are asking the wrong questions. A life and souls destiny is bigger. Particularly in this instance with you.
What I have also found over the last 12 months, is there is peace in silence and doing nothing. I have been thousands of miles away from my Mr Ex for 13 months, and I would say that for six of those months maybe more, it was like he was your wife living in the room next door. The silence between us reigned and thundered. For me it was deafening. When I realised I had to suck it up, this is how it was, and I needed to get comfy with it pretty quick. I sat with it and eventually found my peace.
Being in your home with your wife, could be an act of meditation. An act of sitting and seeing and feeling the silence and doing nothing but experiencing peace. Letting the mind wander, the feeling the beginning of it and letting it go and coming back to yourself. This is meditation. Your initial posts ( and mine) reek of being outside of yourself. And I guess this brings me full circle to the co-dependency. Co-dependency is the ultimate form of being outside of one's self.
You dear Matatio are on the verge of greatness and you don't even know it.
These are my feelings and thoughts for what little they are worth.
Thank you JellyB. Your insight is greatly appreciated. I read your words last night and they gave me pause. I worked around the house today and kept coming back to your words.
I thought I had put my co-dependency issues behind me but now I think I have not. It is not the issue it was before but it is still an problem of mine. I mistook the feeling for sadness or mild depression. Since you mentioned it I see it as a milder version of the co-dependency feelings I've had in the past. I had some success working through it before and will pay attention to it now. Maybe I never beat it and thought I had. I shall mention it to my IC next week.
I think using the silence as a meditation technique is brilliant. Thank you again.
In regards to "a destiny that your soul is wanting you fulfill". I have a "Plan B" that I'm thinking about. It will take a few more years to assemble.
Thanks for taking the time to read my posts. Your thoughts are on target and I find them useful in the search for mutatio (latin for "change").
