PigPen, I am teary eyed from your post. Your words touch me deeply. I too feel that this experience has forever changed me. Never in my life have I encountered such pain, such isolation, such a total lack of control. From this has blossomed more compassion, empathy and respect for other peoples struggles. Thank you for your kindness in my moment of need PigPen.
Hello Azzork, I think the answer to your question is to decouple the behavior she is exhibiting towards me with possible outcomes from her working through her struggles.
I am equating her cold indifference and silence with divorcing me. Thank you Azzork, you are wise. I think I have a new goal.
I learned somewhere that pain is not caused by what someone does or even why they do it, but by the meaning and importance that we giveto it. From that we change the meaning and hence how it affects us.
I have not mastered this but I believe it is true. Give it a try. The meaning you give it does not have to be true but just possible. That shows that your original belief/meaning could be wrong, hence making it weaker.
I'll reread your threads and try offer a more informed view. But from whati remember you have been a rock. I struggle between fight or flight. You are stronger than me. You doubt the outcome but not your path.
Hope you have a good weekend.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Mutatio, wishing you some peace and contentment today and this weekend. I don't have advice to give, just my kindest thoughts and my gratitude that you are a part of this forum, and my sincere wish that your wife sees in you the man that the rest of us see.
Hello Azzork, I think the answer to your question is to decouple the behavior she is exhibiting towards me with possible outcomes from her working through her struggles.
I am equating her cold indifference and silence with divorcing me. Thank you Azzork, you are wise. I think I have a new goal.
Her cold, indifferent silence is about her. It is not about you.
While it hurts to watch, you cant let it tear down the person you are.
Azzork is 100% right. Not to hijack your thread but I have changed so much since BD, and definitely done 180's in the areas where H had his biggest complaints. Went to MC last night and H was complaining that I don't like to ride my bike. Which proves to me that it really isn't about me.
I can guarantee that if I got on a bike today and started getting into it, he'd be excited about it for a week, then he'd get silent again and probably complain next time that I don't knit. Or skydive. Or whatever. It is not about me, and it is not about you.
Buddha was once threatened with death by a bandit called Angulimal. "Then be good enough to fulfill my dying wish," said Buddha. "Cut off the branch of that tree." One slash of the sword, and it was done! "What now?" asked the bandit. "Put it back again," said Buddha. The bandit laughed. "You must be crazy to think that anyone can do that." "On the contrary, it is you who are crazy to think that you are mighty because you can wound and destroy. That is the task of children. The mighty know how to create and heal."
This is how we should direct our lives. I will try each day to make the world a better place. Thank you all for helping me in my moment of emotional conflict.
