Actually, when I've got my therapist hat on, I give much less advice - it undermines the therapeutic relationship when you are actually sitting in room in front of a client. The client does better if you listen, reflect, and given an occasional nudge. They generally better find their path that way. Not really possible on the internet, and no one worries about the empathetic connection between counselor and client when they don't expect the non-verbal signals of empathy. But thank you, and I'm glad my thoughts help.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Good Morning Photoka. I have been reading your thread from the beginning and have witnessed your evolution. One of the reasons I am drawn to your thread is your gender. I am not sexist and believe women are equal to men in all ways except plumbing. In the human condition there are subtleties unique to the female perspective. I was drawn to this hoping to learn from your experience how to better understand my wife's point of view.
I have realized is the only thing similar between you and my wife is that you both sit down to urinate. So with that effort by me an epic fail, I would like to say that I have seen quite an evolution in your consciousness. My gut tells me you are a strong woman who will survive with or without your husband.
I have to admit I am a little jealous of your husband. I wish my wife would care enough to talk to me, try to save the marriage and try to strengthen the bond between us. It seems wishes are for children.
The point of all this was to say that I think your doing the "right" thing, doing the correct thing. What ever happens, your will land on your feet a better person, please believe this.
Pho, I so wish that my wife would be willing to work on us. She has even told me that she knows that we are not beyond repair. She says that she doesn't want me to hurt her again. She has told me that it's not my fault that she is unhappy. She says, she says she says... and does nothing to work on us.
I am so jealous, like mutatio, that you are trying so hard.
Keep it up, you are growing. This is a marathon, and we ALL need to remember that some days
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Mutatio and Dday, your words mean so much to me. Although my confidence is building and I know on an intellectual level that I will be ok no matter what my H does, as a woman my heart needed that boost today. Your words were more loving and kind and heartfelt than anything I have heard from my H in years. Thank you.
And, I am jealous of your W's, too, I do not know what it is like to have an H who is willing to stand by my side through thick and thin and put his pride and ego aside to work with me. I know it isn't "fair" to compare our spouses to our DB friends, because we all have different circumstances, and in real life we'd probably all get on each other's nerves in the same way we do with our spouse's, but there is a true sense of kindness and compassion on this forum that I do not get at home. The men on this forum have given me a stronger sense of what I have been lacking in my M and what I want moving forward.
While true, I wouldn't have nearly the same outlook or thought process without going through this. Going through this has fundamentally changed who I am. For that, I am grateful.
Azz, you are right. I know that I will be able to appreciate that someday too. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?
Pho, you sound like a great person, in a tough sitch. Keep your head up. Coal turns to diamonds after time and pressure. We will all be much stronger when this is past, as long as we can use our heads and have a little grace. Our DB friends can sure help that along too!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Azzork, you are 100% right but I am not grateful to my H for making me a better person. He tried his darnedest to drag me down, all of the improvements are my own doing. And he had better catch up with me at some point or I am running away with one of you guys.
Azzork, you are 100% right but I am not grateful to my H for making me a better person. He tried his darnedest to drag me down, all of the improvements are my own doing. And he had better catch up with me at some point or I am running away with one of you guys.
Hell no. My W didn't do [censored]. I did this.
But I'm grateful for the opportunity. The gift of time.
In the human condition there are subtleties unique to the female perspective. I was drawn to this hoping to learn from your experience how to better understand my wife's point of view.