Yes, a bit. I'm not buying into his delusion that he was forced to leave me because I'm a terrible person. I didn't make the choice to find someone else, end a marriage, and destroy a family. He did.
I'm not going to help him in any way at all. I'm going through the attorney. I'd love to see him try and bully her. I'm ready for this all to be over, so that I can heal.
I read this as part of my affirmations and prayers this morning, this is my current praye r book, and I open at random.
It's from a book my orange wed friend gave me "how to be normal" a guide for the perplexed by Guy Browning. She says my writing is like his, I was soooooo flattered, he is so witty in an English way.
I wanted to share as this struck me as apt for you too:
How to critique
If all the world's a stage, then there must be a hell of a lot of critics. Which means that every time you do or say anything in life, someone else is mentally composing scathing reviews, none of which you will ever read. The only two exceptions are the love letter and the P45, which are the two sincerest forms of criticism.
In life the ratio of people criticing to people actually doing something is generally around ten to one. Many people see themselves as life management consultants; they are always available to tell you how to do anything better than you are currently doing it. Often they are so busy with consultancy work that they don't have any time to do anything constructive themselves.
They say you shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house. But often the only way you find out that you are in a glass house is to throw stones and hear that shattering noise. That's the beginning of self knowledge and the continual learning mechanism in any relationship.
Similarly it is said " let he without sin cast the first stone' That is a wonderful thought but would mean saints would hold back from criticing virtual nazis. Sometimes you have just got to put the pot blacking and glass avoiding on one side and let rip with both barrels. If you are still worried about criticing other people with a bit of mud-slinging, look on it as fertiliser for their personal growth.
Verbal critique comes in two flavours, with and without comma. "you have cut the grass short" and "you have cut the grass short, you b****** idiot". The first is for discussion, the second the high road to violence.
Giving criticism is almost as difficult as taking criticism. If you have the confidence to pull it off, be harsh but fair. Harsh and unfair will just upset people, whereas fun and fair comes across less as criticism and more as funfair.
Well delivered criticism works on the basis that the offender (don't call them the offender obviously) has the very best of intentions but their chosen actions delivered precisely the opposite of the desired effect. If only the offender would change his actions, then everyone old achieve a higher and simultaneously deeper level of happiness and he would be able to avoid being such a b******** idiot.
It spoke to me today.
If you haven't read ..., my reading book for this weekend. I have read this book about 6 times. When I was being abused, having the dark days, this book gave me 'spunk' as incidentally did Sandi.
If you are reading Sandi thank you, I have a votive with your name and prayers for your H and D.
For non UK world citizens P45 is given to you when your employer says go away, don't work here any more.
V
Last edited by Cristy; 09/29/1504:48 PM. Reason: per forum agreement, do not mention other authors/books
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Well delivered criticism works on the basis that the offender (don't call them the offender obviously) V
Vanilla - That was perfect! Thank you for sharing.
The reason I quoted the above, is because that little bit cracked me up! I am now going to look at H and think of him as "the offender". Totally makes me smile!
The Offender and the skank...sounds like a B movie, don't you think?
Wow. What a difference a good night's sleep can make!
I feel so much stronger today. I've come to several realizations and have started to make some decisions.
I've realized that MLC crisis or not, H is wayward. As long as he is involved with OW, there is nothing for me to do in regards to him. I'm better off stepping away, leaving him to God, and moving on with my life. I believe this is what everyone means by detachment. I thought I understood, but didn't really grasp it until now.
I control nothing in regards to him. I've realized just how very much I've allowed him to control and manipulate me. I'm taking my life back...I've already put the steps in play, although I wasn't aware of the significance while I was doing it.
Once I get the financials set up, I am putting some belongings in storage and taking a bit of a personal break. I will focus on healing: health, mental, and emotional. I'm going to train to be a court reporter during that time as well. I may take a course to work as a Phlebotomist (6 week training) during this time, so I can work part-time and still be able to have plenty of time for physical training and career training. I could do administrative work, but it bores me to death. Something new is called for.
I want to be in a coastal area...strongly drawn to Washinton state. California would be my 1st choice, but who can afford to live there?
I'll miss my kids, but with their current state of enthrallment to H, some space might be best. We can heal our R' s over the phone when they come to realize what really happened. I'll keep in touch with them, for sure.
I'm cutting H out of all areas of my life for now. I hope and pray he comes back to reality one day. If he doesn't...sheesh! I'll be sad for him, for our family - but I will never allow myself to be in this position again.
Judy's growing up. Need to change my screen name. I don't want him to be able to find me until I'm ready.
So, just have to get things set up and let my lawyer handle him for now. I'm sure there will be more things happen between now and when I'm finally able to move, but I will do my best to grit my teeth, STFU, and get through it with dignity.
I've seen Skank. Affair Down is a very good way to describe her. Not my problem...he'll have his hands full getting rid of her. She's got that hard, bitter look to her.
I feel excited about my new adventure! A bit nervous, sure, but it feels "right". Must be my higher power, right?
I got up this morning to two very angry teenagers. H had called them last night and told them his version of events. I'd told him I told the kids who skank was so that when he officially began dating her they would know she's been in the picture all along (that was during the blowout Fri night.) Now he's doing damage control. Admits to dating her, but not the timeline.
I realized he is relating to the teenagers on a peer to peer level. All the drama, poor me, etc. I was able to take a step back, let the boys know I understood why they felt the way they did (mad at me) and apologized for my part in their anger. Told them I loved them and always would.
I let them know part of my plans (keeping most secret from H) and that I loved their dad enough to want him to be happy, and that I was letting him go. I'm moving on.
Good news is they're not angry with me anymore. Bad news is I'm sitting here crying. H has done so much DAMAGE. I'm glad I already knew the conflict wasn't over yet...that helped. I'm really looking forward to having this part over with...and yet, even it takes time.
