My first thread was titled "Avidya" which is a Sanskrit word whose literal meaning is ignorance, delusion, unlearned and unwise. Avidya was a good word to describe where I was when I started my journey down the DB path.
The name I have chosen to title this thread is "Vidya" which is also a Sanskrit word whose literal meaning is correct knowledge or clarity. Vidya is a good word to describe where I would like to be when I finish this thread.
I am very happy with my progress. In the time it took to finish Avidya I have stopped crying, begging and pleading. It may not seem like a great journey but it was a big step for me. Thank you all for your compassion and loving kindness.
Finally did a catch up on your thread. OK, you had some demons in your past, but that's the past, it's time for new, improved version 2.0.
You seem to be doing well. Once you get past the really emotional phase, you do feel your confidence coming back, and it makes it a bit easier. Just watch out for WAS traps and rope pulls and don't get dragged in to any arguments. Stock up on STFU smoothies and learn to go for long walks when the urge gets you to fight back. That really works for me.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
There have been no arguments with my wife in the last 7 years. I changed completely when my wife had her EA/PA. At this time she barely talks to me. In the past I tried to fill the void of silence with chatter. Now, not so much.
We are in separate journeys in the same house. In time it will be clear if we are to remain together. All I can do is put one foot in front of the other and step into the here and now.
I believe that I am living that lesson. In 2008 after the EA/PA I made those wholesale changes to my behavior. It was not enough. I should have gone to IC, doing that now. Wife should have gone to IC also, she is going now.
From my current vantage point it seems to me that sweeping the marital problems under the rug and having a peaceful home is like ignoring a potentially life threatening disease diagnosis.
For whatever reason, your post triggered a memory of a homework problem I had in a college physics class many many years ago that asked me whether a body of water froze top down or bottom up and why.
The WAS process feels like a lake freezing bottom up. Looking at it, you cant see any difference until it's essentially too late. Then, at BD, the entire body of water is a complete block of ice. Unthawing that sucker is going to take a looooooong time - its not just a thin veneer of slush on the surface - the entire [censored] thing is solid ice.
I have been reading your sitch...I too am am new to the boards.. I have no advice to give..just wanted to reach out as some of your posts resonated so hard..I cried..our time frames are more or less similar except my wife moved out 4/15..
2 in particular hit home, my love for my W isn't contingent....I love her. And I hurt knowing I've hurt her...
I too was not the "ideal" husband..due to issue of my own..emotional distancing was my go to...
Thanks for the visualization Azzork, it helps to realize I working on glacial time.
SPD72, thank you for posting and your support. I see we both had BD on New Years Day. My wife said if it wasn't for the kids and the financial entanglements she would be long gone. So she is here physically but that's about it. I will try to check out your thread tonight.
