Divorce Busting My Wayward Wife

[HurtJef]

Yes...yes....Heavy.

When we were in MC, My ww told our therapist, and I quote " I feel like all I've ever done is things for everybody else, when is it time for me to do things for me?...when is me time?"

This coming from a woman who has gone out every Monday since I've known her and has 4 children. I was flabbergasted.!

[HurtJef]

Journaling..

Woke up at 4am after dreaming about WW. Could not go back to sleep.
Started thinking about all of the things WW and I have been through together.

It didnt make me sad....it made me mad. It made me mad when I looked to my left and saw my D3 and D8 sleeping next to me where Ww used to lay. It made me
mad that she has done this to us.

I let it go and got up and took a shower...got ready for work.

NC this morning...left when she pulled in. Didnt look back. She texted me a little bit ago as follows: Where are the kids f--king bathing suits? I cant find them.
I responded: check the dryer...i washed them

Ww: I already looked....not in there. D.mn it!
Me: ok well thats where i put them...i washed them..check again

Ww: yeah...they were in there.

I did not respond....and got no apology.

Why am I trying DB again? I am really frustrated with her for sure but staying the course. Not showing my frustration to her. Staying as dark as possible.

[HurtJef]

Wife has the kids tonight.... Went and got my haircut...did some shopping.
Mowed the lawn.....relaxed in the bath and read a book like a girl..lol

I got a text from my ww earlier. It was just a picture from word porn..
It reads:

"Promise me
You wont forget
Our laughs
Our jokes, our smiles
Our conversations, our plans
Our tears, our memories
Our experiences
Our friendship"

I didn't respond but, i really dont know how to take it.

Any ideas? Going to eat my takeout. (I splurged on myself)

[Fogg]

Why am I trying DB again? I am really frustrated with her for sure but staying the course. Not showing my frustration to her. Staying as dark as possible.

Because that would nean letting your emotions control you instead of being in control of yourself. It might feel good to show her your frustration but it won't help anything long term. Just like an A feels good right now,long term it won't fix anything.

Don't over think that text,it's likely just temp checking.

[dwh15]

Oh Jeff. I feel your pain man. I went through the exact same BS for months before I drew the line. Yes, she'll be nice and friendly as long as she is getting her way. As soon as you don't cooperate, the horns come out. And then when she realizes that won't work, she'll go dark for a couple of days, then come around real nice again, maybe even nicer than before, and act like nothing is wrong. My own WW is still pulling it. She alternates between all smiles and being royally pissed, depending on how much she is getting her way any given day.

All I can say is know your boundaries and define them very clearly with her. DO NOT back down because she gets pissy. That just sets you up for the next time she wants something. She expects that you're going to give in. Show her you are not a doormat. Sure, she's gonna be mad, but you know what? She'll also secretly respect you. Hang in there brother.

[dwh15]

Forgot to mention, good job on the way you've handled your W so far. Be firm, but not emotional. Act detached. You're doing great.

Also, I agree with Fogg on that last text you received. It's either temp checking, or she was having a moment of regret, confusion, whatever. Who knows, but it doesn't mean anything. I get the same from my WW sometimes. She'll occasionally send random "I love you" messages. I used to reply the same back, but no more. It's them wanting to make sure they still have us on the hook; Plan B is still in place.

[HurtJef]

Thanks Fogg and Dwh,

Last night while I was watching TV...my ww tried calling. I let it go to VM. Then she texted me to call her as soon as I got a chance. I waited for about a half hour and called her back. She had the kids so I wanted to make sure all is ok.

She was being very nice and asked how I was doing. I told her that I was doing good and asked her what was up. She asked if I could watch the kids Thursday Night for her because she had a meeting at work at 7pm. I told her that I had plans.(I actually have my first Yoga Class at 6:30 that night) I asked her if She would come get them after the meeting and she said"yes, of course"

Then she told me not to worry about it, if I had plans, she would find someone else, she just wanted to ask me first. I said fine. I told her to tell the kids that I loved them and that I had to get going. She said....That's it? Okay bye. I said bye and hung up. I could tell she wanted to hang on to the conversation but I felt it was not gonna go anywhere anyways so I let her go.

I don't want to be available to her whenever she needs affirmation that I am still here. Don't want to be friends...dont wanna serve cake. I definatly don't want to be plan B.

[sandi2]

Good job! As others have said, you will get mixed & confusing signals from her. The LBH can't possibly figure her out b/c he couldn't do it before she turned wayward! Arm yourself with all the knowledge that's available. Do not look at her upbeat moods or a "good day" as being some sign that things are improving. I say this b/c most newcomers are desperate for a ray of hope and will cling to these false signs, only to be disappointed with a deeper sense of hopelessness to follow. I wonder if it is b/c they place their hope in their WW, instead of themselves. The newcomer often focuses way too much on the WW, instead of GAL.

Staying balanced is key. Many folks misunderstand something they read and/or the application. They read something completely impertinent with their own stitch, and then get totally confused. Especially when reading another members thread, make sure you understand their stitch before applying that advice to your own. Some things are more general, and some may be specific.

[HurtJef]

I appreciate the encouragement Sandi.

I think I'm finally starting to get it. I feel like I am detatching more every day. I find myself not checking my phone anymore...not worrying what she is doing, I don't know if its a good thing or not but I don't look forward to contact with her right now. I still love her very much but I feel like she always wants something from me when we talk.

I enjoy my quiet time to myself and time with my kids and friends. It's nice not having to answer to her any longer. I am still nice to her when there is contact but i have no desire to pursue or check up on her. Its like something clicked. Im sure it could change at the drop of a dime though. That is why I am not looking for any hope from her right now.

[HurtJef]

Journaling...

My WW told my SD15 she could sleep over her friends house tonight w/o asking me if it was ok. Problem is, I have a mandatory meeting in the am at 7:30 and have to leave by 7 to get there on time. That would leave my D8, S6,& D3 home alone until 7:30 when WW arrives(if she decides to arrive on time). That isnt happening.

I texted my Ww that on my nights with the kids, she needs to check with me b4 SD15 is allowed to do anything and explained to her that I had a meeting.

Her response?: ohh sh.t! What are you gonna do?

So i texted SD and told her about my meeting, without hesitation she said: you need me dad? Im coming home.

So I text my WW: Nevermind....SD offered to come home.

Ww: really!!?? I'll be there by 7

Me: that's ok....we got this. Just be here at your normal 7:30 please. Thanks anyway.

No response

Anyways, normally I would just take my WW up on that offer but I cant trust her to be here on time normally. I cant run the risk of her oversleeping.
Also it might show her that I am not as dependent in her as she thinks.