T it so good to hear from you, my lovely military man.
I have been very selfish these days, and time have been slipping through my live with sorrow. I have been checking in other peoples threads.
I have a plan of getting things in place this weekend and start having a more normal life without so much affliction, it will take time since I have the kids.
I know, they are teenagers, big boys that can do a lot for themselves, but I can see and feel that they are grieving too.
My kids do not want to go out and about and have some fun. They are most of the time very close to each other and as much as they can to me. It is their way to cope with what is finally happening and I will respect that.
I see that it is just the human animal instinct, hold together until the danger is not on the horizon. It's actually beautiful to see that instincts work better then reason.
Since your are here yet I can guess that you are in the same situation as before so as soon as I can I will visit your thread to see if I can offer some comfort.
I am not feeling too bad today, I actually feel a little better because at least I have some closure with my financial situation now.
Life has yet a lot to offer and I feel I want to face the new challenges and this new path I am walking. That chapter is almost done and the new one has to be written and I am the one to make it prettier.
I am finding myself, I know it will take some time to be the person I want to be, but I think I can get there with grace. My faith has been tested and I am still walking with God and with my heart closer to him then ever before.
Maturity is hitting me, I feel like finally I am able to set the crazy aside and think about things with care and regard. Something new for me since I was always very adventurous and never afraid of anything that would come my way.
So, some trials in our lives come to teach us a little more, to show how much strength we have and how much resilience we can have.
The most important change for me is that I have learned a lot about love. There are books, people teaching and talking about it, movies and much more. But the real lesson came from the biggest pain in my life yet.
I learned to let someone free because I love this person, I felt in my bones, flash and my heart what it is to let go when you want the opposite. It's very hard, but it makes you grow into a beautiful person. One that can put aside all the ugly in life and simply wish the best to someone else.
I feel good because I am doing this. Throughout this time I have been a friend to my XH, I support his decision and validate his reason, I loved him till the end and for that sole reason I did respect what he wants. It makes me happy to be able to ignore my selfishness and just give.
I am better, and I will become even better because I learned a lot in this forum. I am so thankful I found this place where I can share my deepest feelings, fears, secrets, pain and so much more, without boundaries.
I am so thankful to all the folks that came to my rescue and gave me good advice and strength my courage to become a better me.
Life goes on, and I will be happy again because instead of losing myself, I found a beautiful person inside of me.
Love to you T, and to all that is reading my words. Believe that life is much more then our R, M, D.
I am not doing so well. I have been busy, organizing some paperwork. Trying to get things ready to detangle my life from H's life. I also packed some of his stuff already.
But it all very painful. Have been crying sometimes. It's hard to face with the fact that your long marriage is over.
Unfortunately, I need to face it and finally move on. I don't know if I did all what I could. But I also understand that my H was very decided to end the M.
I just wish I could open my heart and take out everything I still feel for him.
I guess one day it will be gone or at least will be easier.
I am not depressed, nervous. I am sad. And I need to deal with the rejection, betrayal. This is being very hard to deal with.
I did not hear from H since last thursday, maybe its better. It is just the way it should be from now on.
I am sad he did not talk to the kids or see them for three weeks already It's ashame he does not care much for them. I wish he would be a little more caring and worry with the fact that they are too going through this hard time.
But it's his choice and I can not control it. It all on him now.
O don't know what to do next time I need to talk with him. And there will be plenty in the next few days since we need to close accounts, get some stuff in my name or his.
Part of me just want to let go and then what do I care. But part of me wants to continue trying to DB. So, I don't know what to do now.
I feel that the right thing to do is to think and accept it's done forever and he won't come back ever.
I need time to let go. The grieving is very painful and deep.
Hi Pink. Just catching up Wow. That meeting sounds like a real heart wrencher, I am so sorry your H is such a jackass at the moment. Stupid man He's is going to regret this so much.
You are worth so much more than this and you will get so much more in the future. H is lost and there is nothing you can do.
Pink , cuddle those boys of yours , it's an incredibly tough time for you all but you have each other Those boys need their mum and they are so lucky to have a mum like you. Stand strong but don't be afraid to ask for help from them. Your their mum and the most special person in their lives Your their rock and that's tough for you right now but you have the strength to do this
I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you face to face that this will be ok I truly believe it will. Your H is a mess right now and it's only time until he realises what he's losing
This is a time for you to take stock , get yourself together and look to what you have and not what you don't have From you posts it's clear you love H and are torn by what's happening This isn't the end It's not the end until Pink decides it is and you shouldn't make any choices while this is all still so fresh
You talk of love and will you ever love again and you will but slow down ,'deal with the cr@p you have to and let all your feelings settle. You have a long and happy life ahead of you and it starts today.
You are a caring , passionate , loving , fun , exciting person and NONE of that has changed Yes your heart is hurt and you are dealing with a terrible time BUT your Pink !!!!! Pink CAN handle this and come out stronger.
Cira , your my friend and I think the world of you , when you post I can't wait to see what youve been upto or I hope to read a story from your past. Pink brings joy to my life and like I said to Toots , I envy the man you choose to have in your life next and I truly hope that your H emerges from the fog before he loses your love
I'm at work at the moment and I have a few meetings this afternoon so I will check in later to see how you are.
Lots of hugs and kisses and please believe me when I tell you that we will take that bike ride across Glendalough and sit down to dinner and talk of how we are lucky to have got through our younger years , riding bikes the way we did !!!!!!
take extra care and think positive , it's tough now but you have some much happiness ahead of you. Rd. xxxx
Hi RD, it made me feel much better reading your words. You are really kind to me and gives me a so much needed encouragement that I feel lacking at the present moment.
Yes, I am thinking to start saving towards my ticket to Ireland, it could be a good vacation plan since I never been there before and it can be a good vacation if I can chat and ride a bike with you.
I enjoy and respect your friendship, I know it has been hard for you too and that we both have similar situation with our kids. It's yet something out of this world to meet you here and have so much support and comfort on you. Thanks so much!!!
So, XH sent a text after a few days of silence:
"Dear Cira - I was thinking to arrange some time this week to speak with our sons about our divorce arrangements. Have you already talked about, or would you prefer to wait until the court finalizes everything?"
I spoke with the boys and sent an answer:
"I'll be busy the rest of the week. If it works for you, the boys and I will meet with you @ place and time. Please, let me know."
Yes RD, it's unfortunately but I still love this man. I don't even know if it is love, or it is the wound that is inside of me. There is good and bad all mixed up right now. I guess it is normal until I detach totally from this monster.
And I will. I am meeting with my IC today and will meet next week too. I feel I need I the help I can get to collect myself and be in one piece in a few weeks.
I don't feel bad tough, I feel pretty determined in what I need to do to get myself going. The details will be something to work on, but I know what I want for now. At least my life is not suspended in some idiot hope.
When you have a chance, try to update us on how your W is doing after sometime on ADs. Maybe things are getting a tiny bit better by now.
You have no idea how much you help me RD, you are my guard angel throughout this Tsunami.
Lots of hugs and kisses to you and to your kiddos. Love, Cira
Sorry you have been having a hard week. I am so sorry your H has not come to his senses. Sounds like he is living in fear versus walking toward it. I guess we all have a little bit of that going on.
Try to fit in some time for GAL right now. This is when you need it most, but hardest time to motivate. I have been having down week too.
BW
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Sorry I did not show up at the Brazilian dance last week. Was just too much and I was not in a mood to be dancing.
I am planning to be there this Friday with some girlfriends. You are very right to say that we need some GAL right now.
Besides it will the be "Ginga Band" and they play more of the samba I like then the other "SambaDende". Hope we will have the chance to chat a little bit, it would be nice to talk to someone that believe in the same marriage stuff I do.
My friends are all saying to me that my XH is not worth my burp much less my love. So you can image how it goes.
Kids and I met XH at a restaurant so XH could explain to the kids the whole D arrangements.
As we got there XH was waiting, smiling and very polite. I just said Hi, not in a mood for smiles.
XH gave a speech that he understands how everyone is very sad, and suffering for what happen. That he will be always present in the kids life, blah, blah, blah. Just like the three weeks that the kids did not hear from him. And he said that he will always be in contact with "mum" for whatever comes up.
I mention that we have arranged that the kids will spend some time with him on two weekends every month and hang out with him two nights during the week. He then explained that right now he does not have a place and that he is working on that. Then he had tears.
No one cried, just H feeling all miserable. I also mention that he made a point to pay part of the kids cell phones only if they will answer his texts and his messages. XH did not like much my comment, but wth?, he did this and now wants to hide it under the rug.
I did not want to have any dinner and asked if he was done with his explanations. He said he was done and asked if I was leaving. I said I had other things to do and he could drop off the kids at the house. He then said that he did not have cash or cards on him. Really?
XH said that he could not pay the bill if I left, then I said I would pay what they ordered and leave, he said he did not know if they would order desserts. Really?
So I sat there drinking water and feeling really uncomfortable. XH kept looking at me and trying to talk to me.
He asked my opinion about renting a mail box for his mail for awhile... I just looked at him and said that it was not my business, that he can do whatever he wants.
I did my best do not explode on his face, but it is asking too much to be all friendly when he just divorced me. Time will go by and things will get easier, but right now he is the last one in my list.
And besides, I do not get it. Why he is always feeling OK to be beside me? Ahg, I am kind of getting disgusted about this.
I am just venting, XH is more a pain then any other thing now.
Hi Pink. I posted to your this mornng but for some reason it did not post
You handled that letting with H really well He has to see what he is losing.
My post this morning was just to take your time and put this sitch as far from your mind as often as you can even if that's for 30 seconds every 10 mins I didn't know when I posted that you were meeting H today.
This is all very raw and please don't over think anything for a few days. You must be very stressed so I won't go on but please stay positive This is a very tough time but it will pass.
Take care of yourself and your boys Pink I'm updating my thread soon and maybe it would take your mind off your sitch for a few mins if you could read it and offer your thoughts.
Sorry I did not show up at the Brazilian dance last week. Was just too much and I was not in a mood to be dancing.
I am planning to be there this Friday with some girlfriends. You are very right to say that we need some GAL right now.
Besides it will the be "Ginga Band" and they play more of the samba I like then the other "SambaDende". Hope we will have the chance to chat a little bit, it would be nice to talk to someone that believe in the same marriage stuff I do.
My friends are all saying to me that my XH is not worth my burp much less my love. So you can image how it goes.
Hugs, Pink
Hi Pink,
I did not end up going either. Not sure what is up, but I have been in a funk since last Thursday, finally starting to peek out of it today.
I know what you mean about friends. I started to jump on their bandwagon this past week, so maybe that combined with funk = bad DB work.
I will let you know Friday if I will show up. I am going out tonight, tomorrow and Saturday, so Friday night too might be a bit much. We will see. Otherwise maybe something next week. Do you live in Boulder or outside?
Regarding your meeting with XH....wow. He could not even bother to show up with $$? Geez.. It sounded like you held you own. Good on you!!
BW.
Last edited by BW05; 07/15/1510:51 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
