Hello lovely Pink. I just wanted to say good luck for today. I will be thinking of you, and I hope it all goes as well as these things can. Take care of yourself, and get through as best you can. You are going to be just fine.
Let us know how things go my friend. xxx
((((((((((((((((((((Pink))))))))))))))))))))) Extra large British hugs to you....x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thank you so much Jim, RD, Toots, Vanilla, BW05, Photoka and Bob for all your hugs and kind words. I really appreciated and the truth is that I really need it.
It's done, we have a D agreement finalized in one day. Hooray!
It was yet the most difficult event in my entire life, and I had many to cry about. At first the mediator placed us in different rooms in order to get us situated in priorities and so.
He talked to my lawyer and I and then went to talk to my H, came back and said that he would like to understand better because I told him that my H asked for the D and H said that I want the D.
I told why I put the D papers, Mediator goes to talk to my H and come back. Said to my lawyer that we need to get things straight because "these folks wants to divorce but she is crying over here saying he wants it and he is crying over there saying she wants it, and we are going nowhere with this"
So, they put us face to face and then H said that he loves me with all his heart and won't stop loving me ever, but he thinks that our M is done, that we won't be able to rescue or work on it anymore.
I said so be it and we started. H is broken, he gave me everything. Today I should be happy because things worked well for me and the kids and we won't be in harms way.
Instead, I feel really sad because he put himself in this situation. He agreed on everything, he even paid for stuff he did not need to.
I don't know what to think about, besides seeing a sick person that is totally lost and do not care about himself anymore. He is a self destructive way. If I tried to see it different, then I need to say that H has a diabolic plan and is hiding stuff no one can find. Who knows, but I don't think it is the case here, so we will see.
I probably did not DBing the whole time. I was looking nice, and he made a point to tell me that several times, I was looking strong and decisive. But at some point I burst into tears, there was too much emotions involved. A few times a asked for a break because it was overwhelming to hear how much he loves me and care about me.
My lawyer and the Mediator said that in 20years they tough they saw it all, but this was the first time they work with folks that are saying they love each other, they agree in all the stuff, they cry the whole time and yet they are working on their divorce.
I don't know anything today. I am a big mess, my emotions are all over the place. One thing I know is that now will be time for me to think only about myself and my kids.
We are done, our M is over. In a week or two we will sign the D decree and then it will be official. Because we resolved everything in the settlement, we won't need to go to court, so it is all done.
I need to turn the page, I am giving until sunday to talk about H with my friends because they want to know what happen. I decided that after sunday I will talk about H only here in this board.
I don't know what will happen next, I don't know if we are done, I don't know when I will be done with all this, I don't know if he will ever get better or at least get some professional help, I don't know if I will be surprised with some crazy news and learn why he did all this. I just don't know anything.
The only think I know for sure is that in some ways I feel resolved, I feel I have a clean road and need to make the most to walk it in peace.
Maybe now I will have the strength to work in what is important for me and for my kids.
Friends, I did not busted my divorce, but I am not dead and I will follow my path whatever it takes me... it is a new journey.
Pink, I'm sorry to hear that, and glad all at the same time. Sorry because it is a sad situation when two people love eachother as you clearly do. Glad because at least the financials will be resolved and you can control your own destiny. It is also nice that he didn't challenge the financials and actually helped a little more than he needed to.
Of course you must need some time to grieve. It is such a hard thing to go through, and your M will come to an end now. What that means for your future relationship is unknown at the moment, but I think for you there will be some peace as you truly did all that you could to save the M.
Only you know what you want to do now Pink. Whether you want to truly move on, or leave the door not quite closed is completely up to you. The fat lady has not sung until or unless you decide she has. Who knows, being D may remove all pressure enough that some reconnection may be possible?
For now, do take care of yourself. You did your best and you got through it - that's the main thing. Love and hugs to you, Toots xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Indeed it's a hard time, had a good cry last night. But also had my three boys right beside me, checking on me time to time, telling me that they will do their best so my life will be happy again.
Sometimes a bad thing happen to just uncover a lot of good ones.
I promise to talk about H until sunday, friends are checking on me and asking questions, family...
After sunday I will start avoiding talking about him with anyone, the only place I will vent will be here, because you guys understand what it means when you are not quite yet ready to end you M.
I will move forward, things got to this point were we now are basically divorced, so not much left. But since he is a mess, I will probably move to the MLC crisis.
There were times when I tough that MLC was just an excuse to be irresponsible and crazy, but seeing my H behaving so upside down, I started thinking that this stuff is for real.
There is no explanation for what happen yesterday, as well as a lot of his behavior during the last year. I am actually concerned about him. All this crying is not normal and I think that things will get much worse before they get better.
I am very sad today and I know H is not my business, but I am sad not because of myself or the D, what makes very sad is to see what he is doing, how he does not care and is destroying himself and everything he built up till now.
Well, did not cry today, and will try to make the best of the weekend.
Thanks V, you are very wise. There is two ways to look at what happen.
1st - H has a plan very well done and it will all unfold soon. Like a new job with a better pay, moving somewhere far away, or who knows what.
2nd - H is so depressed and so gone from his normal being that he is in deep fog, feels very guilty, loves with all his heart as he says and does not want me to suffer. He is in a deep hole.
The H I knew from our 18 years together fits more with the 2nd option, but I am not very sure anymore. People change.
It was an awkward Moderation, no fights, no denials, no complaining. Just two people trying to detangle from many years together, with lots of pain, crying most of the time, H saying over and over that he loves me, will always love me.
My lawyer said that after 20years of practice he tough he had seen it all, but he was never in a divorce full of love, compassion, passion, courtesy.
I really don't know what will happen, but I need to take him from my heart as best as I can. I feel that we still have ways to go, and things could turn around, but in the same time I do not want to get stock in this mental hope.
I need to move forward and find a way to get use to my new single life. I don't know how to move on just yet, my heart still misses him (at least when I am not dreaming about RD).
I know I will, with time everything will land in it's place, I just need to be patient with myself.
Always love your words, they always help me a lot. You are a beautiful person.
