7 weeks in feels like a lifetime.

[Lynn80]

Woohoo!

I had fitness class tonight and hubs was asking questions around when I was coming home. He wanted to go to a coworkers bday party at the bar.

Come home from class, he is in the shower, then waits 20 minutes to come tell me he was leaving. I had gone to my bedroom and closed the door. He then froze in the door and asked "you aren't going to question me?" Nope! Go have fun.

He didn't know what to say and waited another 10 minutes sitting on the steps before he left.

180 success! One small step at a time. And the best part is- I don't care that he left. He has to get through his own [censored] and I can't force it or control it.

[V2pt0]

Good on you, Lynn! Progress is good.

[Matt777]

Take joy in the small successes!
One step, one minute, one action at a time.

[Lynn80]

Thanks matt777

I slipped a bit backwards last week and am in a new place now. So excited to see small steps since I thought it had ruined it.

[kippz]

Any update, Lynn? Hoping for the best!

[Lynn80]

Holding steady.

Today is our son's 4yo birthday. Dad suggested we all go to Chuck E Cheese. It went ok. I was polite and friendly without being too friendly. H seems to think that we should be good friends while he goes on with his separate life.

I spent the last week traveling for work. Good to get out. My heart tells me my H needs a summer of being a solo parent. He has been vacant from our son's life for four years. He should get alone time to build a relationship. I also think he needs to have what he thinks he wants to change his mind.

My family comes in this weekend to celebrate my son's bday. It will help more neutral time pass for him to see the new me.

I got too excited for change and pushed. Slow and steady wins the race.

[Lynn80]

And then... He tried to bait me into reacting. I did ok.

He said he was ready to go to bed. I am headed out to the gym. I suggested our son could go to bed early and asked how late he had kept him up while I was traveling. He said "normal.... (Pause) other than when I took him to lexi's bbq"

I felt the anger spike as Lexi is friends with the EA and a clear line was drawn that EA is not allowed to meet our son.

I walked away and decided to ask for clarification that my request around the OW was still being respected. When he resurfaced I asked. He was defensive and accused me of saying he couldn't see people. I clarified to say he can do what he wants, my son does not have to be a part of his life and seeing as I am not familiar with his friends or how it crossed to an EA.

He quickly returned to trying to did neutral topics and I put on my nicest tone of voice. Good practice around baiting. Room for improvement!

[Lynn80]

I am rereading DR again and will set up another coaching call.

I wake up and it all seems like a bad dream. My H is just at work and he is still in the relationship. Anyone else experience this?

[Lynn80]

Its working!!!!

Tonight after a hard conversation around splitting bills and husband moving out (that he initiated) I decided to be his friend and ask him how he is doing with all this. I chose to ask questions and reflect back what I heard him say. And do you know he said.... The less crazy I get the more doubts he has that he is making the right decision! He is afraid because he has doubts around his decision and the longer I am "normal" the bigger his doubts grow. He shared he was certain before but not certain now. He also added that he figured doubts were normal and that everyone has them. He asked if I did and I tried not to get sucked in.

We went to the gym and had some family time then came back. He asked to cuddle and shared he is afraid I will go crazy again. Ha! This is the new me husband. I don't want that other crazy angry lady back. I will continue my DBIng and look forward to more small steps.

He even came in to say good night and give me a kiss before going to his room!!!

[bravo61]

Awesome. Keep doing what works!