Zues126: I don't think I am controlling. The therapist made it clear to the both of us at our first session that if we are going to keep pointing fingers at each other then we are wasting her time and our time. And when he said that he wanted to go back to counseling, I just reinforced what the therapist said to the both of us.
Regardless, if he asked for a gift or not, I was raised to say "thank you". It is called manners. I thank everyone for everything.
Yes, I want to communicate with me if he wants to end things because I am tired of living in limbo. I don't think anyone should live in limbo because it's not healthy.
Yes, there is resentment for towards him because of him having affairs, however if he did his part when we got back together four years ago, then that resentment would have disappeared. However, I am not letting that resentment control me. I don't sit and think about what he did, I sit and think about how I can change and we can put all this back together. The therapist told him that if he did work in this relationship, we would not be here today.
Here's what I read in your post:
You're wrong Zues. Therapist says I'm right he's wrong. Cultural manners say I'm right he's wrong. Courtesy and consideration say I'm right he's wrong. Reminder he had an affair, that was wrong. He didn't do his part after, that was wrong, therapist said so. I'm resentful, that's his fault.
I won't debate any of this with you because obviously I'd end up being wrong and I'm wrong enough times already without picking a losing battle.
They say when you say something about someone else you reveal more about yourself than about the person you're speaking about. When person A says something about person B, I don't know anything more about person B than that someone has an opinion about them, but I know person A is willing to share that opinion about someone else.
By the way, I've never met your H and have no doubt he is a flawed human, maybe not even someone you can be with. I'm not here defending someone I don't know.
I referenced a video on my thread that I'd recommend watching. It's 20 minutes or so. Has to do with expectations and score keeping with a new twist.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
H and I had MC session yesterday and it was very emotional for me. I did chuckle a couple times inside because I noticed H was doing some back paddling.
But I have to say I am coming to the end of my rope with this marriage. I have done nothing but try and try while he sits back and enjoys the ride. The therapist wanted me to tell him what I wanted out this relationship and I refused because I have told my H numerous times and he just doesn't care. I told her that I was not ready for him to move back because I have not seen any improvements from him. He must have seen improvements from me because he wants to move back in. I am starting to feel happy once again and I am doing things for myself and he sees that.
Our therapist asked why I wanted our marriage to work, honestly I couldn't tell her. This worries me. I know I love him and she asked why I loved him and I couldn't answer that as well. That scares me as well.
We are leaving Thursday night for Sea World for the weekend so this will be an interesting few days. I have decided to wear a rubber band on my wrist so if I feel myself getting upset, I will pop it. I don't know if this works, but will give it a try.
This past weekend with H and D was pretty good. With the exception of D threw a few tantrums, which was very stressful.
We spent Friday and Saturday at the theme parks, which was exhausting.
A couple of times H held my hand throughout the day. And we kissed several times. But I felt like I was hanging out with a friend. Then on Sunday when we came home, he hung out for the rest of the day. I cooked dinner, bath our D then we put our D to bed and he stayed for about 30 min then left.
Then he emailed me yesterday asking me how my day was going and said that he enjoyed the weekend as a family and couldn't wait for the next time. Which is week after next.
I know I really enjoy spending time with my W and have learned not to talk about "us" during this time, I'm hoping to get to the point where we can attend counseling together soon. Best of luck
Hopeful, It sounds like you had a great weekend. And good work on the no relationship talk. Stay strong and focused!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Hope, Reality check. y'all kissed a couple of times and you are complaining? I think you are rushing and pushing your expectations on where you think you should be at this point. it's about noticing and appreciating the small steps! and he said he can't wait to do it again?
read some of these other threads and realize how thankful you should be right now. a spouse is a friend that you inappropriately touch. just saying enjoy where you are. can it get better? sure. can it get worse? definitely.
kudos on keeping it light and fun. keep doing that. it is obviously working. do what works, remember?
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
Whoa bravo61! I am not complaining at all about how many times we kissed or held hands. And I am not rushing anything here. I am the one who keeps slowing things down between us. If he had his way, he would move back in today.
If stating that it felt like I was hanging out with a friend complaining, that was not my intentions. That's was how it felt to me.
And I do read other people's threads on here and I am very thankful for where I am at.
When we are together, I do not bring up the relationship unless he brings it up and then I trend lightly.
