I'm sorry your having a bad day. I have read through your sitch and it must be so hard not hearing from your husband in months. My husband has worked away from home for 20 years and now I see how that has impacted the way we communicate. When he gets angry he just shuts me out and he knows there is nothing I can do because he is in another country. It is a helpless feeling.
as far as your kids go and their relationship with their dad, you really should stay out of it. They are young adults and their R with their dad is none of your business. You really should stop being a fixer...
I am honestly not trying to manage my kids relationship with their dad, I was just wondering if I should ask them not to talk to him about what is going on with us. Not sure if that will make my H want to pull away more? I just don't want him to think I am using the kids to get him to talk to me.
You are absolutely right, their relationship is none of my business and I am a fixer, so I have been super conscientious not to ask them about conversations they may have had with their dad. I also tell them it's very important to keep in contact with him. Maybe I shouldn't even be doing that? This is new territory for me and seems I'm not navigating it very well.
It sounds like our sitchs have so much in common. This has been very painful. I know at some point I need to take Zues advice and get a DB coach to help me figure out how to make some contact.
i hope you are having a better week this week than last. After the BD, tHe first couple of months are kind of a blur. It does get better. I promise. I will post more later. Thank you for taking the time to post on my thread.
I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. In that time, I attended my son's graduation and my daughter got very sick. We have been to different doctors and emergency rooms and a week in bed. I'm exhausted. She is finally feeling better so I thought I should let my H know that our D had been sick. I emailed him and to my surprise, he actually answered my email. I really thought he would only answer my D back. He even tried to call my cell. He is out of the country and doesn't always have access to a phone. I did not talk to him because I was at work and didn't see his call. He did leave a VM, but it was very impersonal. Of course he never asked how I was doing- not that I expected that. NO EXPECTATIONS.
The funny thing is that I am so sad today. When you don't have contact everyday, you kind of move forward with your life and then BAM they just come back in as if nothing happened.
In addition to our D getting sick, my H's father is dying of cancer. He did mention that the doctor only gave him days to live. And my H is working. The first line of his email was thanking me for the info and how his work was going- not about how our D was doing. To me it was odd. I would never have even mentioned my work. That job is the love of his life. Having my own little pity party today.
I'm going to have a good cry and a glass of wine and go to bed early tonight in that order.
Feeling sad and defeated for the first time in a long time.
Thank you Mr. Bond. I certainly hope so. From some other posts that I am reading, I'm not doing a very good job of goal setting and getting a new life for myself. Still the caretaker and fixer I have been for the past 30 years. While he has no problem taking care of what he needs. Now I'm sounding a bit snarky.
does anyone have any suggestions for good books on how to set healthy boundaries and how to be less of a fixer/ caretaker? Looking for some inspiration!
My H called my D today and for the first time in 6 months told her to say hi to me. I would like to take that as a small sign of softening. I'm still having NC. I think he may have said it b/c tomorrow is my birthday.
Planning to have brunch with D and maybe some summer music outdoors with a good friend. Can't tell you how many b-days I have spent alone b/c of his job. It's really just another day. I should have no expectations.
