Part 18 - Creeping onward

[edz]

So part 17 locked while I was away doing easter things (Gg broke it!)

Havent been about much several steps forward some steps backward, took a break from the whole computer / tablet environment so will be catching up with you all later on.

So whats been going on?

Well Saturday was as I said quite chilled out and included new rug, artwork etc.

Sunday I brought s a hot cross bun and juice in bed to give him a slow start to the day as he'd been so emotional on Saturday. Then started my normal routine and then settled s down while I did the prep work and got the place ready for lunch (as well as stuff like getting washing put away etc) spent some time with s as well watching and helping with his game and talking, tried to get him involved in the kitchen as well but he's a 10 year old boy so the alure of the video game was strong!

Ended up making a stawberry flan with cream, lamb shoulder with 5 veg, roast potatoes and yorkshire pudding.

Went and picked w up just before 3 and offered her a glass of wine while I got things ready, we had a nice meal together with light chat and pudding with coffee. W had asked me could I help with a bedside cabinet she's got for s as her back is out and fil is obviously (a) pretty hopeless and getting things finished or started and (B) in full on moving mode for this/next week.

Since its for s not w put it together (took less than an hour) w said if it had been for her she wouldnt even have mentioned it but he needs somewhere for his bedside lamp. Anyway gave us more time to talk, we discussed getting back together, w is still vague and Im not pushing, she said if it did happen it'd take a long time I said she should decide what she needs to do, she knows I dont want to be separated or divorce but I also want us all to be happy.

After I'd built the unit and s had laid into half an easter egg, took them back to the flat and was invited in, put the bedside table in place and had a coffee while s played with some lego he'd got instead of more chocolate. Was a pleasant evening until s's bedtime.

Got him in bed and he wouldnt let me go, I was in full validate and calming mode but he kept grabbing at me and saying he didnt want me to leave. Importantly I just said I had to go so I could feed BFT, didnt at any point blame w for making me go or anything else. Eventually after much calming he settled down and I went back into the lounge.

W immediate said she hates to be flagged as the bad guy like that. I kept my voice calm and quiet so I didnt alert s and just said I didnt make her the bad guy just told s I have to go soon. W seemed distressed but didnt seem to want to open up to me and time was ticking on so I decided this was a good time to go. W came down to lock up behind me and we had a quiet conversation, I said Im not making her the bad guy in this, I *do* have to go and I have not at any point shown any sadness or unhappiness in front of him this weekend at any point, she just repeated she doesnt want to be flagged up as making everyone unhappy.

I went to get in the car and she broke down in tears, went back in and hugged her for a moment or two before she was ok and then went.

In an email later she said she just hates it when s is upset and she cant fix it, she feels under pressure to make it ok but cant. The more he pleads with me to stay (unbidden or not) the more it seems shes making everyone miserable and puts her under pressure, Im not pressuring her but its unavoidable as she knows both he and and I want us to be together as a family. Its new territory for all of us and she doesnt have the answers shes only human and crys sometimes.

I replied (once) simply saying s doesnt understand anything but that he wants is all together, its that simple for him. Not for us grown ups.

Its new territory which we can also see as an opportunity and can be as simple or as complicated as we all choose to make it. I will never use our son as any kind of pawn between us and while I continue to hope she will want to work on our marriage I have no desire to pressure her into anything or see her unhappy.

Put a bit of a downer on the end of the day but on the whole it was very positive, I didnt go off the deep end feeling sad or upset, just came home finished up and headed for bed.

Yesterday left w alone to get on with things (she was off for a last meal at the MIL's place before they sell up and move - more in a mo) I went out walking as it was a nice day (just the local beach) then failed spectacularly to find a barbers that was open (hair could use a trim) and bought some new sunglasses as the ones I got back in August snapped. Noticed my car was running a little warm (well on temperature, its normally running cold) but the weather was warm and it was stuck in traffic a lot.

Grabbed a few lengths in the pool then came home pizza and caught up with some TV and reading.

A few fb messages back and forth from w on a movie she was watching and she was checking in with me over s as well after he'd been upset. He was brighter and happier yesterday apparently.

Oh and parked the diet and ate my KitKat egg and chocolate bar

So today - up did an extra 10 of everything in exercises to atone for the KitKat showered etc and working through several hundred emails and a few calls. Booked some time Thursday so I can pick w & s up to go meet with a maths tutor for s to fill in some gaps in his H.e. learning and will shortly be pinging over to w to confirm times to pick up s tonight.

W has been fb tagging me over pictures of BFT its popped up from 2013 which shows that - she's exactly the same big furry lump she was - seeing her upside down in our flat plucked at me a little but I soon moved on and replied with a pic from Sunday showing her also sleeping off more fish!

S and I normally do our swimming on a tuesday anyway but he's staying over tonight and another day this week as thu-mon he's going along with w mil and fil to see some relatives they havent seen in a while. I have no issues with this as both w and I are keen he doesnt lose touch with his family on either side during this separation or whatever comes next.

Back on the MIL/FIL house move looks like they are on the move next week but since they will have the money may well go and stay in a hotel as w made it clear otherwise it would have been the floor in the flat. She wasnt clear if she said that to them, they said that to her or she thought they would understand it but its very good from an everyones stress point of view if they do.

Tomorrow is beginners class Yoga, Thursday will be swimming with s. Weekend unplanned yet...

And thats me up to date for now!

Edz

[Cherry]

I'm not too clued up with your sitch but I'm going to read up. I just want to say how well you handled that and how well you are doing with your GALing.
Your weekend with w sounds like it went a bit the way mine with H went with him starting to talk and seeming a little doubtful over his actions.
Continue with the good work, you sound like the confident, together, strong kind of guy that she would be a fool to loose

[edz]

Hi Cherry!

Good of you to pop in and thanks for the kind words. Yes there are a lot of threads on my sitch so let me know if you need me to clarify anything and excuse the early ones, as I mentioned in the previous thread, I was a lost deluded lil'puppydog in those ones, I've sorted a lot since then, still have a lot to do.

I'll pick up on your sitch too this evening when I get to do a check in with all my db buds

Working on being the man only a fool would leave, will it convince w to return, dont know I'd like to think its given her pause seeing these changes. She said a few weeks back that back in July at BD she really, really never wanted to see or hear from me ever again, now we've got to here - I'll keep on keeping on

Cheers

Edz

[Cherry]

That is really good, and your attitude is amazing! I guess that's what it comes down to, and if nothing else- we know we are the best we can be. And it feels good to be so positive and busy and be enjoying life the best we can. It feels really strange when it feels like the role reverses, like to start when we are a wreck and asking them qs and pleading whilst looking sad. Then when it flips that we look so content and they're q'ing us. Feels good.

I wish you the best of luck with it, and Ill read your sitch and absorb some advise.

You, for sure have this

[Barry]

Hey edz, you sound like you're doing really well and that there's some positive movement in your sitch.

Small steps edz, small steps.

Take care, Barry.

[edz]

Hey shout to Cadet, thanks just noticed you put up a link to the new thread, much appreciated

[gan]

Hey, Edz. Been a while since I checked in. Seems like things are ever so slowly nudging in an increasingly more potentially non-negative direction (don't want to overstate it )

So is "thing" now out of the way or did you never get clarity on that?

[edz]

Hi Gan

Thing, oh thing, well since I've always been out not to snoop (maybe intel but not snoop) I cant say for sure nor can I really go into details in case I made what it is guessable! sigh!

Insofar as I can see where "thing" was going in January never went anywhere, looks like w still plays with the idea and maybe mulls it over and I wouldnt be shocked if it comes up again before any serious reconciliation attempts happened or if it came to the fore if w decided not to pursue reconciliation.

So really where it was, no signs of it becoming a huge issue yet, I suppose I've just stopped worrying over it until it does!

Thanks for checking in. Non-negative, I like that Yup very difficult at times not to convince myself we're not moving forwards well, of course then evenings like Sunday pop up and Im very glad I have tempered my expectations so I dont collapse like a damp house of cards again.

Slow steps, sometimes backwards but isnt that what a waltz is?

[Cadet]

Hey shout to Cadet, thanks just noticed you put up a link to the new thread, much appreciated

New policy I just made up..... LOL

No guarantees but I will try and if everyone else helps, it shouldn't be too hard.

It does make reading threads a lot easier, a year or two from now.....

[Ggrass]

Takes a bow, I know wicked to the core.
Lol
Sounding good edz. Wish my social life was that good atm.

Sigh all the dudes have bolted. Rolls eyes.