I get that you feel that you're in a very dark place with no way out of this mess and feeling it pretty keenly with the Christmas holiday. This is precisely why we all advise LBSes not to take any action that they will regret deeply.
Originally Posted By: NAJ1964
I am ready to pull the plug on this Wonka. Once the paperwork is ready, I will let them know when to file. It will most likely be in Feb. That will be 5 months after the DB imploded.
Will this action bring you closer to the goal?
If not, then do NOT do it.
You are feeling a whole wide gamut of emotions such as despair, raw pain, rejection, feeling discarded, bruised pride, unlovable, and a whole ball of anxiety. This anxiety is causing you a great deal of discomfort and pain. You want this to end so you believe that it'll go away with filing.
Not the case. One rash action based on high emotion is not the best idea. Get your head screwed back on and refocus your energy back to YOU.
Even if I have to, I'll crawl through the screen and duct tape you 100 times to your chair until the anxiety passes. It ALWAYS does. I've crawled up the walls in agony wishing I could talk, text, or email Ms. Wonka. How did I solve those pesky antsy pantsy emotions?
Going out for a walk and phoning a friend. Those distraction techniques worked for me in addition to implementing the 72-hour rule to force myself to get through to the other side of my twitchy nerves ready to pounce into foolish actions.
You CAN do this too!
I've tried to DB Ms. Wonka for about 4 years. That is how long I hung in there.
Many posters here with reconciled marriages have withstood some really rough stuff for 2 to 4 years. Bond stood for 3 years and I believe Starsky stood for 2 years.
5 months of her bullshi%% cheating is enough for me. I went to church with her tonight and out kids cause it's Xmas eve and the kids wanted me to go. She sat there the whole time and cried and sobbed. Last time she did that I read an email (snooped) to the AP and said she just had so much emotion going on (with the AP) she felt it was a safe place to let it out. Chr$st. Exactly what she was doing today.
I am OVER IT. I want to file to end the financial issues we are having with our mortgage. She left and will not pay her half of the mortgage and her name is on the deed. Each month I bleed money to stay here as she has abandoned her finances as well as me and our children for her scum b@g AP.
My plan is to have the docs ready, completed and serve her in Feb. Boom goes the dynamite. Good riddance.
Very Very dark place now. You are right. I am crawling through my skin.
My WAW came over at 9AM with some presents for kids. She went to the bathroom and like an idiot fool I checked her texts. it was full of I love you, I miss you, Merry Christmas, How did you sleep...." and photos from her AP's kids etc... It made me sick to my stomach. I am so done with this.
My WAW came out of the bathroom and left in a about five minutes. So now I have my two beautiful kids with me, and I made bacon and biscuits. I am trying very hard to not crawl back in bed and sob.
How did this happen - where did my life go? How is my wife an alien who wants hates me so much? Really tough for me to digest.
We went to church last night - she asked me to keep the kids longer than I agreed and then asked if I could drop them off at church which I did. I stayed through the service and she sobbed the whole time. Not because of me but because of her sense of longing of her AP. I know this again because I read an earlier text.
I have called my shrink to get some meds to get me through this black whole.
Tell me why again I am not ready to move on with my divorce from this insanity?
Just catching up on the tail end of your update/sitch.
I have been there ... its a tough pill to swallow, one I have spit up repeatably. But Wonka has some words of wisdom ... in fact I think if I would have given every single major decision in my life that 72 hour rule ... I would be in a much different/better place. With the DBing approach you have to be a coola$$ cucumber. I too have not always been this way and I will tell you ... every time I let out that emotional hurt little boy do my bidding .. i regretted it ... now I hired a Clint Eastwood stand in to take care of my heavy lifting, much cooler and it is who I want to be.
The snooping will only make you spin, I do that from time to time too .. puts ya in a "how the F dare she" mode ... again .. when you focus on an ant it gets bigger ... move that focus to what you can control .. you and your kids .. that bike ride, that's a nice memory, Hey remember that time the world was crashing around us and we just said F it and went for a bike ride ... do that .. do more of that stuff .. the way my S looks at me, he knows who is the rock, who is the safe person, who has his back ... be that guy ... let her go about doing her stuff .. its not going to last .. its a band aide .. the more you fight it the more she will cling to it.
What is the 72 hour rule? I am assuming not doing anything for 72 hours or 3 days?
I will never SNOOP AGAIN, it is just too painful and counterproductive. I don't care if I have to tie my fingers up, NO SNOOPING.
Anything big ... like "Hey WAS I want the D and I am filing" ... obviously you do not want that hence your being here .. we all get emotional and during this time of year .. yeah .. its frustrating .. how dare they put us in this spot ... but that all goes back to .. Detach, GAL, PMA ... alot of things change in 3 days ... my W can wish me dead to giving me a hug in that time .... seriously .. it happens often .. I can not even make this up.
and yeah .. do not snoop .. Jack gave me some wisdom here ... Snooping is like putting your hand in a blender ... so don't do that ... it hurts.
