Don't beat yourself up over a few slips, there isn't one thing we do that will make or break the sitch.
The moving out part is tough, very tough, hurts like h3ll, I'm sorry.
What are your plans for the holidays? This will be tough (I had 3 holiday seasons from h3ll with my in-house MLC stbxw). I'd like you to find some things for just yourself, even if just a few minutes, some things just for YOU.
Focus on your kid and try to not let her and her plans/words/actions ruin YOUR holidays.
Show her a kind, strong man who puts his child's enjoyment of the season ahead of her choices in his mind, and ACTIONS.
Hang in there!
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Second. I hope your screen name here comes from the film "This is Spinal Tap". Indeed, I hope your life and success goes to "ELEVEN" ;-)
Your house is being sold. How did that come about?
What about custody of your child? Have you talked to a lawyer? What do YOU want if this thing goes south?
The only danger I see here is your wife is moving full-on into a divorce while you are sticking your head in the hand, measuring her mood every minute. practicing the LRT, 180's and GAL just to get her attention.
This all means she is acting like the center of the universe and you are acting like one small little asteroid in her orbit. Not so, my friend. You are MONSTER sized planet with your own gravitational pull. Better yet, start showing some gravitas. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Another analogy. She is treating you like a footnote in her story and you are accepting that role while desperately trying to get your wife to change her mind and write you a bigger part in HER story. What about your own freaking story, man? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Another analogy. Your wife is a ruthless, vengeful goddess who doesn't give a d*mn about you or your children and you are the temple priest desperately trying to appease her and prevent her from blowing her top in a volcanic eruption that destroys all living things. NO WAY! You are powerful, prophetic, righteous and DANGEROUS mystery man who no one f*cks with. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
She is a Ninja trying to creep up on you and assassinate you. Little does she know you are proud, noble and lethal Samurai. She's about to get her comeuppance.
I think she needs to get a sense that she's really losing you, because, whether you admit it or not, she is. She is losing the father of her child and the husband who always loved her. You, my friend, are moving on. You are ready to live a great life without her. Once you start acting on that truth (and not play-acting to get her attention) things might shift.
So, no more being friendly and nice. She's acting like a flaming piece of turd. She's not just in a fog. She's morally compromised. If she turns around and walks back into the marriage, posterity will say she's a decent person. The current evidence suggests she's not. Start acting like she's a flaming piece of turd until she gives evidence of the contrary.
Start planning you own life and that of your child, in light of the steps she's taken to destroy your family.
Protect yourself and your son.
Lay down healthy boundaries.
Get angry. Sometimes, this is necessary to wake up a little and see more clearly.
You can still save your marriage, but you won't do it by trying to save your marriage. Save yourself. Save your child. Act justly towards yourself and your child.
Wow, thank you. Yes, she is moving full on. I wish she wasn't, but I can't control that. I Am making my own plans for the future as well. I just bought a new house in the same area so my son can go to the same school. She hasn't even really been a part of any future plans of mine with the exception of our son.
We havent seen a lawyer, but we do have a separation agreement stating 50/50 custody. If she turned around today and said she wanted to come back...I probably wouldn't say yes.
If she turned around today and said she wanted to come back...I probably wouldn't say yes.
Imo, you are on the right track, because if she came home too soon, before she had done her own work, the odds of her leaving again are very high. And the second leaving is harder than the first since everyone's (especially kid's) hopes are all up.
I am in my divorce's 20 day waiting period, and even if I still was standing, I wouldn't take stbxw back. She hasn't begun to do her work. And, the peace, stability and happiness in my house and with the kids has been amazing for all of us. The kids are doing awesomely (finally) in school, we laugh so much more, etc.
Ain't NO WAY I am going to muck that up.
This full time solo Dad gig suits me well, finally get to be the Dad I always wanted to be (one of those looking back and saying "what the heck took me so long, and why did I allow her to keep me from that?" things).
Keep going, and happy holidays!
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Sounds like you are taking very good steps to protect you and your son.
50/50 custody is solid. Well-done.
See a lawyer for your own peace of mind. Make sure he/she protects your interests, but don't let them drag you in a battle. If your separation plan is good for you, make sure that sticks for the divorce.
Worst-case scenario: you desperately cling to your wife and lose custody of your son. You just avoided that. Thank goodness!!!
Best-case scenario 1: you live a great life, move forward in separation/divorce, love your son well, and get you mojo on. Your soon to be ex-wife notices, has a change of heart, experiences deep remorse and does the real work, which opens the door for reconciliation. Your marriage is back together. Bravo!
Best-case scenario 2: you live a great life, move forward in separation/divorce, love your son well, and get you mojo on. Your ex-wife doesn't care and moves on with OM #1, OM #2, etc. You have just dodged a bullet. Your flaming turd of a wife is now someone else's problem. You fill your life with people worthy of your time, who are loving and loyal. Your son has at least one sane parent, and you will find love again. Bravo!
Same action plan for both best-case scenarios. The only thing, I think, that can re-attract your wife is the sense that she's losing you and that she's close to crossing a line of no-return.
Pleading, begging, being nice will only solidify her sense of disdain for you and her entitlement. You don't have to be superman and super-husband (the husband only a fool would leave) to re-attract your wife. You just need to show some spine and resolve. If that doesn't work, then good riddance.
