I now can see clearly that you were trying to help out and I do appreciate your effort to make this schedule work for everyone. It'd be great if you can leave on a Sunday, come back on Friday so I can spend some time with the kids as well.
Your suggestion was a good one and I think this schedule is something that we both are comfortable with.
I now can see clearly that you were trying to help out and I do appreciate your effort to make this schedule work for everyone. It'd be great if you can leave on a Sunday, come back on Friday so I can spend some time with the kids as well.
Your suggestion was a good one and I think this schedule is something that we both are comfortable with.
Are we in agreement with this plan?
A
Yes. We are in agreement.
See, you ARE all of that , and a Cherry Coke Slurpee !!!!
Mach is a very good seasoned, grizzly vet to keep in your corner. Never mind his zany humor!
I found this excellent post from Bets over in Maybell's thread that is apropos for you. I love the Daily OM.
Originally Posted By: Underdog
In response to Bug's teflon comments and observations, this is a passage I got in my inbox yesterday from the Daily OM:
Quote:
There will always be factors and people that we cannot control; how we respond can determine the quality of our lives.
There are many stories of spiritual masters embracing the presence of an annoying student in their community. There is even one story that documents a teacher paying an irritating person to live among his students. From an everyday perspective, this is difficult to comprehend. We generally work hard to avoid people and things that we find annoying so they don’t bother us.
From a deeper spiritual perspective, however, irritation can be an important teacher and indicator that we are making progress on our path. Being able to remain centered and awake even when we feel uncomfortable is much more impressive than doing so in an environment where everything is to our liking. No matter how good we are at controlling our circumstances, there will always be factors and people that we cannot control. How we respond to these experiences to a great degree determines the quality of our lives. The goal of spiritual development is not to learn to control our environment—which is more of an ego-driven desire. And while having some measure of control over our external reality is important, it is when we are confronted with a person or situation that irritates us and we can choose not to react that we know have made progress spiritually. It is when we have mastered our internal reality that we will have become the masters of our lives.
The more we try to eliminate annoyances, instead of learning to handle them gracefully, the further we get from developing the qualities that come with spiritual growth, such as patience, tolerance, and acceptance. It is often in the presence of people and experiences we find annoying that we have an opportunity to develop these qualities. Fortunately for most of us, our lives offer an abundance of opportunities to practice and cultivate these traits.
I am beginning to realize that this could be a spiritual growth opportunity. I did not fully grasp this concept previously. I can accept that reality and that somehow it makes the fear go down a level or two. I welcome that feeling. How I choose to react is the issue I think I am learning. Once I can control my reactions, the better off I will be spiritually?
So now it's detachment and allowing things/situations/WAW to just be. Wow, a two-fer. My WAW did tell me she wanted us to get to a place where we could just let each other "be" and accept each other as we are. She has also asked me to be "uncomfortable" with this process. Part of me thinks this is crap that the AP has put into her head, which makes me mad, as she NEVER talked like this before. Now, however, maybe I can accept that this is the path we are on.
It is true that when I am detached I get better much results from her. Thanks to you Wonka and the generous application of improved email communication techniques.
I will ponder it and apply to my situation.
The old me thinks - Naj, you are just giving in and letting A "control" you which Pi$$es me off. The newer me is thinking "Maybe I could learn a lot from this experience, maybe I could learn to be a better person, one that is more open to life and experiences and to let go of the fear based responses that I have previously used.
I'm glad that today's post from the Daily OM is helping you look and think about your reactions in a different way. That's the utter beauty of DB forums....we're constantly growing and learning from others.
Originally Posted By: NAJ1964
How I choose to react is the issue I think I am learning. Once I can control my reactions, the better off I will be spiritually?
What would that look like to you?
Better off in comparison to what?
Originally Posted By: NAJ1964
So now it's detachment and allowing things/situations/WAW to just be. Wow, a two-fer. My WAW did tell me she wanted us to get to a place where we could just let each other "be" and accept each other as we are. She has also asked me to be "uncomfortable" with this process. Part of me thinks this is crap that the AP has put into her head, which makes me mad, as she NEVER talked like this before. Now, however, maybe I can accept that this is the path we are on.
Why is it okay for you to be "uncomfortable" with this process when taking in the fact that your W is in a full-blown A with the OW? Hell yeah! Im uncomfortable for a good reason. By stepping out of the M with another person is incredibly disrespectful to you, the M and the kids. If and when W brings that crappy line again or allude to it, just tell her that you're not willing to live in an open M and having OW is incredibly disrespectful to you. That is YOUR boundary. This doesn't mean that you have to like the path you're on right now, but it is far more important that you are authentic with your own values.
Originally Posted By: NAJ1964
The old me thinks - Naj, you are just giving in and letting A "control" you which Pi$$es me off. The newer me is thinking "Maybe I could learn a lot from this experience, maybe I could learn to be a better person, one that is more open to life and experiences and to let go of the fear based responses that I have previously used.
Life is a curious thing.
Letting go of the fear will set you free mentally. With fear, you remain stuck in place looking at your W and worrying constantly about doing the "right" or "wrong" things. That type of prison is preventing you from breaking free and living your own life. How to break free? GAL your butt off which will aid the detachment process greatly.
