In yoga this morning I had a cool image come into my mind: me, in the center of a white circle that was all cluttered with other people's stuff. I took my arm and just shoved it all out of my circle and resolved to keep my circle clean. When I did that, I realized how clean and free I felt about keeping my boundaries firm. It was a light entering my heart space (seeing as how it was during my yoga practice). Then during the class I felt every single place in my entire body where I've been storing all my stress. So I'm going to have to sustain the practice.
However, I am vaklempt! There is a conflict between my gurus!!
Labug says: Good for you for realizing you needed to stay out of the logistics but it seems like using a sledge hammer to kill a fly.
But Betsey says: This is freaking perfect! P-E-R-F-E-C-T. You stated something and phrased it with how YOU feel. No blame. Excellent. This is how you should proceed from here on out. No blame game. "I feel" and leave it at that. Whatever follows "I feel" is okay. You're allowed to say those things.
Which is right???
I thought I hit it a little hard too, but seeing as how I'm new at this it's going to take some time to get the tones right. Que sera sera. H & I were communicating about kid stuff all day again today (no holiday logistics!) and it was perfectly friendly and he even referenced me needing my space. So no real harm done.
Labug, WRT the dad stuff I ought to be digging into, I'm sure I'll get there. It was my intention to dig through it with the IC I just left, but somehow we got sidetracked. Also I struggle with feeling disloyal and ungrateful when I talk about the things about them and about my childhood that trouble me, so I tend to downplay it.
I do not intend to cry on Thanksgiving. I may cry before, but I intend to have a fantastic holiday reinventing what it means to me, wherever I end up spending it (which is yet undetermined). I'm pretty sure about two things: There will be pumpkin pie & roasted brussels sprouts, and I will not spend it with my parents.
One more upbeat thing: Since H is taking the kids tomorrow night I get to do a yoga nidra workshop! I'm very excited. I had really been missing the workshops I took before the west coast sojourn and the studio I've found suits a lot of what I'd been missing, so I feel like I'm reclaiming another missing bit of myself.
Have a lovely evening, all!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
finally I texted an answer that should have dealt wih everything he could need to know to make his plans and then said "please limit how much you involve me in your logistics as I'm feeling hurt and angry at being kicked out of your family for the holidays."
Originally Posted By: Maybell
However, I am vaklempt! There is a conflict between my gurus!!
Labug says: Good for you for realizing you needed to stay out of the logistics but it seems like using a sledge hammer to kill a fly.
But Betsey says: This is freaking perfect! P-E-R-F-E-C-T. You stated something and phrased it with how YOU feel. No blame. Excellent. This is how you should proceed from here on out. No blame game. "I feel" and leave it at that. Whatever follows "I feel" is okay. You're allowed to say those things.
Which is right???
Actually, it is a mixture of both. Also it comes from their own respective filters with their own issues.
Perhaps Bets experienced struggles with expressing her truth. So hearing that above quote gets her in a happy place because that is something she probably would have expressed to XH early on in their separation.
Perhaps Bug comes from a place where expressing your truth can be done with finesse. This all comes from her inner work and it shows in her interactions with her son and H.
There's actually no 'right' or 'wrong' here at all!
The studio I went to years ago had nidra components to the classes & retreats I used to attend, but this will be the first time I've done an entire workshop of it. I'll report back on Thursday.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
First, thanks to Ms. Wonka for seeing stuff from both me and Bug.
What I was hoping to illustrate is growth. A few weeks ago, you would have had a very different response to your H's texts. This time, you omitted the anger and opted for being authentic. That's what I was applauding. I've found that anger is often the mask I wear that disguises other emotions. Often that true emotion bubbling under the surface is hurt and fear. So why not lose the anger and be authentic?
And guess what happened? Your H acknowledged it rather than run from it or rail back at you. And here's the kicker, Maybell. It shows vulnerability. You know... That awful V word you talked about a couple weeks ago.
I just want you to see the growth in such small details. It can be a good building block for better communications. And who can't use growth there?
I'll let Bug explain her own thoughts. She's good with words.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I really love the visualization of that clean circle around you! I'm going to embrace that. Enjoy yoga!
I hope you're able to make some fun plans for yourself for Thanksgiving. For me, I am looking forward to not having to cook and clean for anyone for the first time in years! I'll be spending it with my family. H is keeping D14, but he says he is too busy with work to take her to visit his family. She is disappointed. I'm sad for her, but that's between her and her dad.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Whatever I end up doing I intend to enjoy it. Thanksgiving was never a holiday I really loved so I am flexible about what I need to enjoy it (besides pumpkin pie!! )
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
My best Thanksgiving ever was in NYC with friends...we did the Macy's parade and thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant at the base of the Empire State bldg. Epic!
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
finally I texted an answer that should have dealt wih everything he could need to know to make his plans and then said "please limit how much you involve me in your logistics as I'm feeling hurt and angry at being kicked out of your family for the holidays."
Originally Posted By: Maybell
However, I am vaklempt! There is a conflict between my gurus!!
Labug says: Good for you for realizing you needed to stay out of the logistics but it seems like using a sledge hammer to kill a fly.
But Betsey says: This is freaking perfect! P-E-R-F-E-C-T. You stated something and phrased it with how YOU feel. No blame. Excellent. This is how you should proceed from here on out. No blame game. "I feel" and leave it at that. Whatever follows "I feel" is okay. You're allowed to say those things.
Which is right???
Actually, it is a mixture of both. Also it comes from their own respective filters with their own issues.
Perhaps Bets experienced struggles with expressing her truth. So hearing that above quote gets her in a happy place because that is something she probably would have expressed to XH early on in their separation.
Perhaps Bug comes from a place where expressing your truth can be done with finesse. This all comes from her inner work and it shows in her interactions with her son and H.
There's actually no 'right' or 'wrong' here at all!
Wonka is so right on with this! A lot of what we communicate has to do with our intentions and from my history had I said that the intention would have been "You hurt me, now I hurt you." I was Queen of Tit-for-Tat.
That may not have been your intention. You're the best judge of that.
Also, the inflection is left out here but then you were texting so... There's so much communication lost in texting.
I think it's completely OK to let him now your feelings, and say that they are your feelings.
I also think it shows growth, because you are slowly getting to your feelings. All of them.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Labug, WRT the dad stuff I ought to be digging into, I'm sure I'll get there. It was my intention to dig through it with the IC I just left, but somehow we got sidetracked. Also I struggle with feeling disloyal and ungrateful when I talk about the things about them and about my childhood that trouble me, so I tend to downplay it.
Me, too! But being able to do that work really opened up a lot freedom in my life. You'll get there when you get there.
Quote:
I do not intend to cry on Thanksgiving. I may cry before, but I intend to have a fantastic holiday reinventing what it means to me, wherever I end up spending it (which is yet undetermined). I'm pretty sure about two things: There will be pumpkin pie & roasted brussels sprouts, and I will not spend it with my parents.
That's the spirit. Let go of all the shoulds and just keep the parts you like.
I'd reserve a little time to let the feelings come and go.
Last edited by labug; 10/08/1404:24 PM.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
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