Inside my chrysalis 2

[Ss06]

Anyone else get "itchy"? I'm itchy for answers. For status. For his thoughts. For his perspective.

I am desperately trying to stay away from my phone lest I initiate a text. I'm desperate to ask him on a date and talk about NOTHING but fun stuff.

A date is definitely pursuing, I know this. I wasn't good at making him feel wanted, desired during our M. Would a "date" be a 180 or an excuse to do something I want to do?

I worry also about coming on too strong. I sent that "bring your heart and your suitcase" text over the weekend, then I heavily complimented him yesterday.... maybe I should back off for a bit.

Confused? Conflicted? ME??? Nah.

Drop me some perspective here folks. I'm spinning. I want to DO, DO, DO.

And suddenly I'm hearing MWD say, "sometimes doing nothing is doing something".

p.s. still no direct word on the job. i'm starting to worry that the place is SO disorganized they can't get back to someone about a job that they are desperate to fill. Oy.

[pilot]

careful ss. You are trying to justify yourself INTO pursuing. Now, maybe someone else will disagree, but the reality for you (and the rest of us LBS) is that our spouses do NOT want a date with us. I know the urge to do something to show them how great things can be, or remind them of how great things used to be is a powerful one. But ya gotta resist it. Remember, counter intuitive. The only way your H is going to want to go on a date with you is for him to WANT to go on a date with you.

As for your first question, yea...I am sure we all do. But stop and think, at THIS point in time, do you REALLY want to hear the answers from him? Prob not....

Chin up!!!

[Maybell]

Why don't you evaluate at the six week mark?

[T384]

Resist the urge! We have all dealt with it. You don't know what he's thinking and you could push him away further. He knows where you are and how to reach you. Make small short goals that are attainable. I told myself I would go 2 days without initiating any texts wth H and then I would add a day and another day and it became easier. Trust me there were days I wanted to ask him what he was doing what we were doing was he thinking about me etc. don't do it! They need their space

[Ss06]

TO, Maybell & Pilot,

Thank you guys for keeping me on the straight and narrow.

Pilot, you're right. I don't want the answers.

Maybell, your six week suggestion is a great one and really put into perspective for me just how little time I've been at this. Sheesh. Thank you for that.

TO, They are coming over because H needs to charge the Tesla overnight so I get to hug my baby goodnight!!!! They're then leaving back to H's place and I will not initiate texts through the entire weekend. Good? I think that's good.

Whew. I can do this.

[T384]

Sounds like you have a plan. Vent here when you're feeling the urge! Everyone here helped me so much (and they still do). I needed a lot of hand holding lol

[Ss06]

me too, TO. Me too.

I swear I didn't need this kind of hand holding throughout the M. I hope I can figure out a way to be less dependent and advice seeking.

Is that a bad thing?

[Maybell]

We're learning new skills. Of course we're going to need some hand-holding. It's all good.

[Ss06]

OK, successful at no initiating contact, even though some Amazon orders for him came in today (not time sensitive). I'm sure he got an email that they were delivered.

One of the boxes is a bunch of stuff for him to decorate D7's room at his place. On one hand I love that he knows her so well (it's all space stuff, stars, a moon, a mobile of the planets) but it hurts that he feels like he'll be out long enough to need that stuff. He did sign a year lease so I guess I should batten down the hatches for at least that long, huh?

It is MUCH easier to detach when we have no contact. In fact, when D7 is with me, I feel like I could survive this no problem. It's when she's not home that I HATE my life.

I was just thinking today that if H had died (God forbid!!!) and I was left alone with D7, it would be awful of course and I'd be depressed and things would be HARD but we'd survive because 1) what other option is there? and 2) he'd be gone and there'd be nothing I could do to bring him back. Nothing.

THIS though, this LBS stuff? It's so much about "maybe" or "will he?" or "I hope" or "please, please, please" which is what makes this HELL.

Ugh. As a disgruntled DBer I say, "onward".

[Maybell]

I want to say something encouraging but I don't feel qualified. My kids are with me all the time.

I think it's great your H set up a space for your D, whether he's there twelve months or twelve weeks. It absolutely beats what my H did for our kids. The worst part is knowing that they feel it. For you, that's a comfort. Trade-offs?

Ok, here's a pact: I will squeeze some self-care into the next three days if you will figure out how to make the time your D is away enriching for yourself. Sound fair?