MLC WAW losing her place

[Mat]

What is the agreement regarding CS?

[Wet]

It's $630 per month, and it's not late until after the 30th. It's just I have always paid near the 1st of the month.

I've had a fun weekend. First, I have had D18 over. She is leaving to go to an out of state college on Tuesday. So I am enjoying time with her, she likes playing video games. And I also have S12 with we made up a new game at the pool - where we act like a soccer goalie and the other tries to skip a nerf ball passed the goalie. Another boy joined in, and it made for some laughs.

I'll see if D18 wants to stay to watch the World Cup finals game today (D19 lives with me) so it would be a full house. D17 is in Argentina for another 6 weeks. So our loyalty is solidly behind the Argentine team.

W tried calling me on Thursday and Friday and I sent her to voicemail. I only responded to her question on picking up son, and I did this with a text 2 hours after she called - a complete 180 for me. D18 says W is angry all the time at her for not helping unpacking boxes, which is why she spent the night. So I'm off to exercise and enjoy the day.

[Mat]

Ah OK - I am sure that it's good to let her handle her own finances, but respecting your commitments is essential if she values stability. Thanks for clarifying.

So glad you've had a fun weekend! I need to decide where, with/without company, will I be watching the world cup...

[Wet]

LRT since last Thursday. A good day with the kids. Just want to report W's weird behavior.

I told her I was bringing S to her place at 5 pm. She texts back and asks me to keep S over night, explaining in excruciating detail that her high school non-dating male friend was swimming at her place's pool, and he just broke up and he's crying (blah, blah, blah). I told her no (atta boy Tom, I don't do that too often, I'm no longer her friend, and it sounded stupid anyway.)

Then when I dropped off S, W as not there. I texted to let her know I dropped him off, and when she said she wasn't there, again she provided too much detail on her driving her friend home and she would be back in 10 minutes.

I wasn't asking her anything, yet she is going overboard with telling me what is going on with her. No expectations, no attention being given to her, I'm just documenting something that seemed odd.

[Wet]

A funny telephone call I received from W.

She sounded nervous, surprised I answered, and quickly moving from topic to topic. My gut tells me it is because we have not talked since I confronted her on the bad stuff I saw on her phone last Wednesday.

She again provided extra detail on ex-high school non-dating friend she saw earlier today. Making fun that he is still a cussing drunk. I didn't care. Then she asked if I was going on Tuesday to drive with her and D18 to the airport who is going off to an out-of-state college. I said I didn't think it was a good idea, and that I already said my goodbyes to her today.

After we talked for a bit, she paused, like there was something more she wanted to bring up, and I just said goodbye. More weirdness from W.

[Mat]

Hi Wet -

I've got to say, in my book you've done really well there. Either she's yearning for your attention and realising that it's not going to come for free, and that you deserve respect. Else, if she was playing games it's not working.

Either way, you have given her a pause to sit back and think about things. No more fun on the dating scene with a reliable ex in the background. I think this is the whole point of LRT, and detachment.

I hope this works out, but I think you're doing great.

As for the weird behaviour... like I said above, it's about trying to have it both ways from what I can deduce. I have not experienced it first hand, you're the one that knows, but from this perspective it's not that weird. It's almost rational!

Cheer
Mat

[Wet]

Thanks for the encouraging words Mat.

My W just texted me asking me for the 3rd time if I want to go to the airport to take D18 as she goes to her out-of-state college. I will wait an hour (180) and tell her again that I cannot go, because it would be a bad idea.

Something's up...

[kat727]

Hang in there. She reminds me of my S21. Sometimes he will ask over and over trying to get his way. I will say this worked better with his dad than me.

Stay firm.

kat

[Wet]

Hi Kat, you know I think you are wonderful. Thanks.

So I guess my W doesn't like to be told "no". She has pulled out a new weapon I haven't seen her use before, the 'guilt' dagger. She texted me back after I said was not going to the airport with W and D18 tomorrow by saying: "Ok, this should be about your relationship with D, but it is up to you."

No response is coming from me.

[kat727]

The funny thing is, the relationship you have with your kids is between you and them, not her. She is certainly trying.

This makes me think of my own struggle. When my ex was more than 1/2 way out the door ( and before I found DB , but more importantly, these boards) I tried everything to get him to see what he was doing. He didn't get that he was hurting anyone.

So in your case it is almost like she is treating you as if you left!

Thanks for thinking I am wonderful. I am glad to be helping you.

kat