Now that H and I are being civil to each other I have been cycling. I mean I am having serious roller coaster issues. I am so used to the anger and the animosity between us that this "getting along" feeling is messing with my head. I still can't trust him and I still can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. But I want to. And it makes me very sad that I can't. I hate to say it but it was easier when we hated each other. And honestly there is still a little part of me that hates him.
He brought OW to S's soccer game on Saturday. S was not happy. It was my weekend and after the game I noticed S seemed down. I asked him what was up and he told me he was upset that Dad brought OW without talking to S about it. I just said I was sorry and I think he needed to talk to his father about how he felt. I hope he does although H is too engrained within himself to give a rat's @$$ about how anyone else feels.
It was like a slap in the face, I do have to admit. I mean this was kinda like "my turf" with my friends and my "restful place" and here comes OW limping along with her cane in tow. And yes, her back is in bad shape but her mouth never stops. D moved her chair so she could sit near OW and show her some of the things we brought for her to play with. That stung too. I did have to get up and walk at halftime and pull myself back together. "I am still the mom" I reminded myself. I told myself to start acting like an adult and put my big girl pants on and deal. And I did. And the game ended and they went on their merry little way.
AND now that H and I are "getting along" he is calling me EVERY dam day, sometimes a couple times a day and coming up with some reason to call. I don't usually answer the phone so he can leave a message or text me what he wants. He often gets irritated when I don't drop everything when he calls. But hello, I have been doing this for the past two years.
And as an observation, H puts on a dam good show when we are around others and especially when this OW is around. But when it's just him and me, I see the true colors. Complaints, complaints, complaints. I feel like I should open a Dr. stand (ala Lucy on Peanuts) and charge a nickel for my services.
So things are getting closer to finality. I meet with my attorney tomorrow about the final document to see how we should proceed. There are some things he has concerns about but I do want to get this done and over with. I need to move on. I need my name off this house so I can clean up my credit, pay my lawyer and make a better life for me and the kids. My attorney told me the only way I would ever possibly need to pay H maintenance is if H should lose his job by no fault of his own or become disabled and be making less money than I am. My attorney does not see that happening, but IDK?
H brought over my bike from the house and I plan to get back into riding. I haven't ridden in years. I used to practically live on a bicycle, but I grew up and my bicycle days were put behind me. I seriously don't even know if I remember how to ride, it's been that long. I also finished the frame for the star pinata for D's birthday party. While the kids are with their dad this weekend I plan to start the paper mache part and then maybe let D help me paint it. She wants it painted like a flag with white stars on a blue background. I never knew I would need a degree in art when I had kids.
I also designed water bottle labels and invitations for D's birthday. I am really excited about this. I love doing this kind of stuff.
I am trying to keep my focus on me and the kids while H is in the background jumping up and down trying to get my attention.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
H put in our agreement that he would pay me the $3000 for the marital credit card upon the sale of the house. I asked him what if the house doesn't sell? He stated he just needed to have that language in the agreement so it would cover what he owes me but also so the underwriter would not view this as a debt. my lawyer says this is problematic.
H called and was freaking out. He claims his credit score has dropped significantly because I tried to obtain credit to pay off my attorney. And he claims that S ordering that moped from Craigslist negatively affected his credit too.
I told H my attorney stated our business with the $3000 repayment is problematic if we don't put something in which states when he has to pay me back. H flew into a rage and started freaking out at me. I told him he needed to calm down. He went on and on in his rage. I told him if he didnt calm down the conversation was over. He said if we change the language then he didn't know if he would be able to refinance.
I don't know what to do. I dont want to go back to the anger and fighting and I need to get my name off this house but I need to protect myself from H. I can't and don't trust him.
Why is everything with this guy ten times harder than it needs to be?
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Steady, steady. You have L right by you guiding you through this. Trust him!
He said if we change the language then he didn't know if he would be able to refinance.
That is his problem. Not yours. He shoved you out of your home and installed OW at the marital home. And he cries that he can't refinance the house! Meh. Not your problem.
H isn't liking how his 'script' is going up in a big puff of smoke. Ah well...that's just too bad.
H said if I change the language regarding the $3000 the deal is off and we go to trial. I don't want to give in to H, but I need my name off this house and I can't afford to go to trial.
H is really freaking out. I gave him a real piece of my mind telling him he had no intention of paying me back. He of course said it wasn't true. He said he would pay me if the house sold. I told him he had no intention of selling that house so I was out of luck. He told me there was no money. I told him I only went into this agreement on the premise that I would eventually get my $3000. He promised me he would do his best to pay me back but didn't want it in writing because it would affect his financing and break his promise if he said he would pay me in two years. I know the truth. He doesn't want it in there because I can take him back to court if he doesn't pay me.
I can't let him off the hook but I can't have a deal breaker over $3000. I can't believe a word he says but it wouldn't surprise me if he had his credit extended to the max.
I don't know what to believe.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH, This is so typical... mine did/does the same thing over EVERY little detail.
Idk what you can do to deal with it - I am constantly amazed at how manipulative my xh is.
Mlc-ers seem to work the angles on everything so that we feel powerless to get what should be basic givens. They're like savants - and their special skill is working up super-tricky power struggles over everything.
So, no wisdom to impart, just a lot of sympathy.
I've been backed into so many corners by this sort of manipulation around settlement issues.
WH, I am in agreement w/Bea 100%. If your h doesn't have money to repay you now or to agree to repaying you in writing, then how does he have the funds to take you back to court? How does he have funds to do what he does at all?
As for the Craigslist item, cancel the order, send it back or sell it. Also, he could call his credit card company and stop payment on it and advise them his son ordered it w/o his knowledge. It's a no brainer for a rational thinking person.
I'm sorry, but I don't buy into the pity party he's serving up and I seriously doubt that he's trying to refinance the home. I think it's all a bunch of bunk.
It most definitely is his problem to figure out and not yours. So, sit back and allow him to squirm. If he gets by on this one issue, he'll do it on others. Time for the boy to man up and do the right thing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't have any pity for him either. He made his bed and he has to lie in it. BUT I do need to look out for me.
If I do what my attorney says and demand that language be in the PMSA, then I run the risk that H cannot refinance and then I am stuck and he would probably not have to pay me the $3000 anyway. If I let the language stand then H can just do whatever he pleases and pay me or not. I would pay my lawyer well over $3000 to fight this and take this to court.
PLUS emotionally I cannot take another 6 months of this back and forth garbage. I am considering mentioning to H if he cannot pay me $3000 then he should take on more variable expenses for the kids in turn. I cannot just let him walk away from this responsibility.
I do trust my lawyer but cannot afford this anymore. I have gotten the majority of what I was looking for. I think maybe now is the time for creativity in order to get this deal done.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
What if you just wrote in something like he has to pay you $100 a month for thirty months, would that allow him to refi? Or what if he just gave you an,asset of equal value.... his car, perhaps?
That's kind of what I was thinking of doing, KML. But H says it can't be in the agreement or the underwriter will not approve the loan. He tells me they are looking him over with a fine tooth comb (which I do believe) and the underwriter is questioning EVERYTHING. Which I do not doubt.
H says we can come to our own agreement, but my attorney sees that as problematic, but either way it's a risk. If the refi doesn't happen I probably won't get my $3000 anyway.
My attorney told me to talk to H's lender (H gave me the contact info) and get the real scoop. Find out if what H is telling me is really on the up and up. And then we go from there.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
