I dont know the correct answer other than if you both agreed to discuss it, then I would say discuss it. Maybe she is holding on to things at this point and waiting till that moment to open up to you about. Then again, I do see how it breaks the DB chain you are trying to build. I am sure one of the vets will have solid advice.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Never bring up the D. This is part of DBing. Did you read DBing book. Go to Sandi2's list and reread it and copy it. If she brings it up don't discuss the R or D. Get a DBcoach to find out exactly what you should do.
Thank you Pilot and Owl. Tom's (me) rule of conduct #1 generally requires following through on agreements. But I think Owl is right on this one. Let it slide until W is ready to discuss it.
However, on July 1st, I might change my status on FB from divorced to separated. No, I am not friends of W on FB, but a few of her sisters are friends with me. I know, I am being petty. Tom Petty? ;-)
A quick update. Somehow my W was approved for 3 br condo. She told me the rent, and it is 240% of her total reported monthly income (?!) Something smells fishy. She originally told me that she listed me on the Application so that my income would get her approved. But when I talked to her today she said I was not on the Lease ("silly man") and that I was not on the Application.
I know the paperwork that is required to get approved on a Lease. And her cash business should never be approved. But she is charming, so maybe that won the day for her.
On a lighter note, my D17 recently left to spend two months in Argentina on a foreign exchange student program. She is excited that Argentina's team is doing so well in the World Cup (they just won against Nigeria).
I picked up my son last night. My W hugged me, and I could see something was wrong, so I asked her. She understands that she will not be able to afford the new place without a job. And her most immediate problem, is selling her special breed cats before she moves out. She has to sell her 15 cats this weekend, and she can't because her computer is not working. I looked at it and showed her what piece needed to be replaced (monitor connection.)
She also broke down because there is so much packing to do. She said 3 boyfriends offered to help her pack. I then said that I won't be there to help on moving day, so they can help her. And she immediately said no they won't be helping her.
So I took my son to baseball practice and we surprised the boys with a parents vs. kids scrimmage. I got a hit off of my son, it was a lot of fun. So I am reading DR and doing a favor for W might be a good thing. So when I got back to my place I said if her monitor is still not working I can bring my monitor over and make sure her computer is up and running. She texted me back saying she needed a break, and went to the local bar to play bingo instead. I went to bed, and when I woke up she still had not posted her pictures, so her computer is still not working. So is life.
I made a mistake last night when I saw my W last night. I brought over my monitor to her place so she could could use her computer to print pictures for D18's graduation party on Saturday and use her cat pictures to sell the remaining 15 cats/kittens (!) who must be gone by Monday.
My mistake came when I took my son to his baseball game Thursday night. For some reason my W came to spend an hour at the game, and she sat with me. She is on her high school reunion's organizing group, who is getting together in August. With this she is meeting different people from the class. And she told me last night that there was a married man who chased her for two weeks to sleep with her (I told her "I don't want to hear this, boundaries.") But she said that it was just wrong for a married man to try and sleep with her.
My W and I are still legally married, and our 3 month "trial" divorce comes to an end July 1st (next Tuesday). So I told her "Our three month trial divorce ends on July 1st." And she responded: "What! But we have the divorce papers, they just need to be signed." And I responded, no as of July 1st we are back to being married.
I was frustrated by her cavalier attitude to dating while we were separated (well before our 3 month trial divorce started) and her moral outrage at a married man pursuing her when she is still legally married also. I know, I should have no judgment against her right now, and no expectations. And with all of what she is going through, she did not need me pressuring her about our marriage.
So I blew it, any recommendations othan just keeping my mouth shut?
I dont think you blew it, but you definitely should have approached it differently. And by that I mean you should not have brought up the R in the first place.
I do not think it was catastrophic, but in the future you know not to do that again.
Best of luck!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Pilot, thank you. I keep having these dread thoughts she is now going to just hand me the signed divorce papers. My mind is so messed up, I keep having an "expectation" of being able to have more time to detach and let her work through this.
This does reveal that my W really believes she is already divorced. Kinda interesting...
