For Scorp7...since your thread is locked.

[Barrybran]

Scorp, I understand your fear. It's natural. Life isn't panning out how you'd like and you want to rush in and fix things. This is why you're here though. You've been controlling, you've not listened, you've not made your wife's needs and wants a high enough priority. I'm in the same boat so I'd like to think I can at least help you with this part. You have chosen this path but you can't rush it. As said in DB, you need to give a course of action a reasonable amount of time to work and this is no different. It will be painful, you will have urges to hurry your wife up but you must not give in. Stay strong, be patient. As I said in my earlier post, you have told your wife you won't agree to terms on anything until you have a satisfactory parenting plan in place. She's heard you, Scorp. She knows your terms. She will bring it up again but you cannot rush her. She can't get her hands on that money until she works with you. This is the action you've chosen so see it through. Be strong.

In the meantime, keep in touch with your kids, be nice and charming to your wife, let your wife see your kids enjoy spending time with you, even without her, and do not bring up the parenting plan.

Also, Drew's message is spot on. Short, simple, to the point, no BS.

If you feel you've slipped back it might be a good time to crack out DB again to refresh your memory on a few things.

[ericmsant2]

No need to add the "will always" part. A simple. Yes I will pick them up is enough.

[Wonka]

Scorp,

I like Drew's suggestion which is in keeping with STFU and KISS principles.

My fear (there's that word again) is making me feel like I've already waited this long and that waiting any longer will hurt my chances further with my kids. On the flip side, I have fear that getting the L to serve my W with papers will derail any positive gains that have been made with her willingness to share time with the kids. I'm still leaning toward having the L do her thing.

Divorce and custody are two SEPARATE things. Yes, your W may react angrily to the D paperwork but cannot bar you from having 50/50 custody with your children. Yep, lawyers can do a good service to us for they have our best interests when dealing with the separated spouse. Especially when one just ups and leaves with the kids 4 hours away without any notice and/or explanation.

I'm not sure why my W continues to ask if I'm coming to see my kids or not, or course I'll always be there

This makes sense as it involves logistics and the 4-hour drive. She wanted a confirmation that you'll be there to pick up so she can organize things from her end.

It's hit me very hard just how totally my life was about my W and kids since this whole thing started.

Completely understandable. That ^^^ feeling will come in waves. Allow those feelings to come and go. With time, it'll get better...trust us here. We all have been where you currently are at the moment. This is why we all stress the importance of GALing and get yourself out of the house.

You can always decide to go back to the band. It is still there, right?

Be gentle with yourself as you go through this process. This is tough stuff!!

[Scorp7]

Thanks all! I'm picking myself back up again. Can't let myself get too down. I'm headed out with a few buddies this weekend, maybe checking out my old band mates new band too so that should be cool.

I need to keep going with the positive changes I've made and try not to slip again.

You can always decide to go back to the band. It is still there, right?
I could get it going again even if it was only for a handful of shows.

[Scorp7]

In the meantime, keep in touch with your kids, be nice and charming to your wife, let your wife see your kids enjoy spending time with you, even without her, and do not bring up the parenting plan

I talk to my kids on the phone every night so that's been good. Being charming with my wife is a bit tough since the only real contact we have is email. Actually she accidently answered the phone tonight when I called the kids, that was the first time in nearly six months that I've heard her voice on the phone (pretty sad I was actually half excited about that). The kids and I have a great time when we're together, they know I love them with all my heart.

[AKHope]

Hi Scorp

Quiet week on the thread. How about talk of the wknd w the kids; lawyer feedback; what's going on in your head; and how you are getting your life back (Yes, that means stuff for you! The stuff that makes you YOU. PLay the guitar this week?