Wonka, it's rare for parents to get full CUSTODY, that is not time with the kids. Mother's often do get the majority of time with the kids but custody is usually shared.
Thanks for the sarcasm, very helpful.
Scorp,
No sarcasm at all. I was asking questions on how things are being handled up in Canada and trying to understand how custody is determined regardless if a parent is unfit or incapable. Most of us don't know how stuff is handled up in Canada so that's why I asked those questions. I was very sincere in trying to understand all of this from the Canadian perspective.
It is obvious that laws differ vastly here in the States and Canada when it comes to custody of the kids.
Our life was incredibly stressful and I didn't help things with my attitude. I was constantly pushing for more, never seemed to really be happy or satisfied with the life we had. With the many stressful things we were dealing with (quick recap from the past 2 year, my Mom had major health problems that my W and I helped her with, we bought into a business, our son was born, we built a big house on an acreage that was a major project and didn't go well, I worked full time and played in a band, my W worked from home and cared for our kids when I was at work). WAY too much stress. We were both likely clinically depressed and although we talked a LOT, I did most of the talking and I don't think my W felt she could tell me her true feelings. She witnessed me being angry a lot, not towards her or our kids but just in general. I wasn't much fun to be around a lot of the time.
Ok ready? Wwlcome to life...life its a learning proccess, it happened too many things and they were most of them new to you so you didnt knew how to handle them...its fine, it happens to all of us, we are human beings not programmed robots that know how to act in every situation...
Depression its an illness and there is no: I am depressed and I dont want to be depress and thennsuddenly everything its great... You both were sick, whats the problem? All of us had suffered depression just accept it and dont look to be mr perfect...
No, although she did see other women get far too friendly with me when I played shows.
Pretty normal that woman get close to you....here she is not taking care of her jelousy and thats not your problem...she has to take care of that...
I didn't encourage that but I should have done more to discourage it for sure. I always assured her she was the only one for me and that the shows were just a show but it still bothered her I'm sure.
You did reassure her (thats what you just said) what else could you had done? Carry a pepper spray and flash them everytime they get close? Again this is your W issue not yours...
The worst things I did was I once accused her of being lazy (very stupid thing to say and I apologized profusely). I also would be critical of how she did things at times. I thought I was helping or trying to fix things but I definitely didn't go about it in the right way.
Ok, I didnt knew how to repair a car a few years ago...now I know... Do you really think she divorced you because you called her lazy? Hmmm think about it bro
We had a LOT to be happy about in our lives but I never really learned how to be happy.
There you are, life its a learning proccess, now in this time in your life you can pursuit how to be happier and appreciatte what you have... I dont see again no problem in there....She tried to MAKE me happy by doing anything and everything for me but when she saw I often didn't seem to be appreciative of what she did or what we had she gave up. The last two years were definitely what pushed things over the edge.
Ok perfect you see something you dont like and that its your responsability to change...180 from now on into that
Her parents didn't approve of me either. I was not their ideal SIL. I had long hair, played in bands, I made good money but not in a field they would really respect.
Thats their problem not yours, its based on ignorance, your physical aspect and proffession unless you are hurting others like a contract killer, doesnt change who you are...there are tons of rockstars that fall in love and have kids and treat them perfectly... So thats BS I was pretty shy and insecure around them so they took that I didn't like them or didn't want them around.
Another 180 to work on...find insecurities and if you dont like to be shy then do something to change that...
Also, when it came to our sex life I was pretty adventurous and my W was the total opposite. If my W told her mother about any of that (it's likely she did) then that would NOT have gone over well at all.
Sex its sex, if she had issues with that or the way you like sex, talking about it and visiting a sex therapist could help...you dont dennie your sex preferences because a person doesnt like them....unless your sex inclinations hurt and threat physically the other person....
Basically your W pretty much had some things to work on but she preffered to blame you for them and you instead of supporting yourself preffer to denied yourself, cancel yourself as a person so you can have a R with your W....
Thats not the way R works... Not in Canada and not here.... She didnt accept you and you didnt accept yourself so basically instead of separating because she didnt like who you are you prefer to change yourself so she can stay.... I dont recommend D but if you are being honest and saying all the true, you guys were simply not compatible to be together...
Thats like if I go to a social club where to be a member I have to drink tequila and I am allergic to tequila.... Well I can force myself to drink tequila and maybe I will die... Or I can just look for another social club dont you think?
If my W calls me tomorrow and tells me, I left you because I like woman... I am not going to change my sex and body so she can be with me...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Your w its a person not a divinity, and if she doesnt like who you are but those things are who you are dont you think its better just to let her go and be woth somebody who likes who you are without insecurities and old behaviours?
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Basically your W pretty much had some things to work on but she preffered to blame you for them and you instead of supporting yourself preffer to denied yourself, cancel yourself as a person so you can have a R with your W....
Thats not the way R works... Not in Canada and not here.... She didnt accept you and you didnt accept yourself so basically instead of separating because she didnt like who you are you prefer to change yourself so she can stay.... I dont recommend D but if you are being honest and saying all the true, you guys were simply not compatible to be together...
Thats like if I go to a social club where to be a member I have to drink tequila and I am allergic to tequila.... Well I can force myself to drink tequila and maybe I will die... Or I can just look for another social club dont you think?
If my W calls me tomorrow and tells me, I left you because I like woman... I am not going to change my sex and body so she can be with me...
Nice, ye21
Very nice!
Control is impossible Detach from the emotion of this Be your natural self Earn back your self-respect Assign responsibility equally Realize this process will improve you
I am not willing to consider moving back to the your area.
Thank you for your reply to my questions. I will need to spend some time thinking on this. I think until we are able to come to an agreement on this, the schedule and terms should remain as they are. Which would bring us to next weekend and it being the kids weekend with you being Friday to Sunday in W's Home Town. If you could let me know for sure that you are coming then the kids can be planning for it.
D6's immunizations went very well today and she will not need any others until she is in Grade 6.
She is stalling. Nothing I've proposed in my last message is new so saying she needs to think about it is nothing more than a stall tactic. Looks like she'll be hearing from my L next week.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
Just say thank her, validate her, confirm you'll be there next weekend and leave it at that. Most of all, listen to what she says by saying she will "need to spend some time thinking on this" and don't bring it up again. She wants the house sold, she knows you won't agree to terms until you agree to parenting terms so she will bring the kids up again on her own. Practice being patient.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Our life was incredibly stressful and I didn't help things with my attitude. I was constantly pushing for more, never seemed to really be happy or satisfied with the life we had. With the many stressful things we were dealing with (quick recap from the past 2 year, my Mom had major health problems that my W and I helped her with, we bought into a business, our son was born, we built a big house on an acreage that was a major project and didn't go well, I worked full time and played in a band, my W worked from home and cared for our kids when I was at work). WAY too much stress. We were both likely clinically depressed and although we talked a LOT, I did most of the talking and I don't think my W felt she could tell me her true feelings. She witnessed me being angry a lot, not towards her or our kids but just in general. I wasn't much fun to be around a lot of the time.
Ok ready? Wwlcome to life...life its a learning proccess, it happened too many things and they were most of them new to you so you didnt knew how to handle them...its fine, it happens to all of us, we are human beings not programmed robots that know how to act in every situation...
Depression its an illness and there is no: I am depressed and I dont want to be depress and thennsuddenly everything its great... You both were sick, whats the problem? All of us had suffered depression just accept it and dont look to be mr perfect...
No, although she did see other women get far too friendly with me when I played shows.
Pretty normal that woman get close to you....here she is not taking care of her jelousy and thats not your problem...she has to take care of that...
I didn't encourage that but I should have done more to discourage it for sure. I always assured her she was the only one for me and that the shows were just a show but it still bothered her I'm sure.
You did reassure her (thats what you just said) what else could you had done? Carry a pepper spray and flash them everytime they get close? Again this is your W issue not yours...
The worst things I did was I once accused her of being lazy (very stupid thing to say and I apologized profusely). I also would be critical of how she did things at times. I thought I was helping or trying to fix things but I definitely didn't go about it in the right way.
Ok, I didnt knew how to repair a car a few years ago...now I know... Do you really think she divorced you because you called her lazy? Hmmm think about it bro
We had a LOT to be happy about in our lives but I never really learned how to be happy.
There you are, life its a learning proccess, now in this time in your life you can pursuit how to be happier and appreciatte what you have... I dont see again no problem in there....She tried to MAKE me happy by doing anything and everything for me but when she saw I often didn't seem to be appreciative of what she did or what we had she gave up. The last two years were definitely what pushed things over the edge.
Ok perfect you see something you dont like and that its your responsability to change...180 from now on into that
Her parents didn't approve of me either. I was not their ideal SIL. I had long hair, played in bands, I made good money but not in a field they would really respect.
Thats their problem not yours, its based on ignorance, your physical aspect and proffession unless you are hurting others like a contract killer, doesnt change who you are...there are tons of rockstars that fall in love and have kids and treat them perfectly... So thats BS I was pretty shy and insecure around them so they took that I didn't like them or didn't want them around.
Another 180 to work on...find insecurities and if you dont like to be shy then do something to change that...
Also, when it came to our sex life I was pretty adventurous and my W was the total opposite. If my W told her mother about any of that (it's likely she did) then that would NOT have gone over well at all.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Sex its sex, if she had issues with that or the way you like sex, talking about it and visiting a sex therapist could help...you dont dennie your sex preferences because a person doesnt like them....unless your sex inclinations hurt and threat physically the other person....
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Don't bail on this place. Trust me when I say that there are VERY few here that don't have their hearts in the right place. I include myself when I say that WE have all been down the road you are starting so we're just trying to get a complete picture with every possible detail in order to give you the benefit of our experiences.
Do with it what you will. It's just offered with the best intentions.
So it appears you are just north of me in AB.
Hopefully, this post hits the thread while it's still relevant.
Thanks once again to all of you. I kinda feel like I've taken a step backwards, this last week or two has been rough. Maybe it's losing hope in any sort of R ever being possible that's set me back. Being away from my kids as much as I have is brutal.
I do appreciate all of the help here, it's been amazing.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
