T-boned - we are definitely suffering similar paths! I feel exactly like that - I am strong! I have a handle on it, then bam, yep - down again. I have not had any of those crying spells for a few weeks but I'm sure there is another one lurking around just waiting to spill over. I know it's good to just let that out once in awhile to get through it and feel the pain, but still I hate going through this. And how you said "all is based on how well I know him" exactly - and that's how I feel too - also why I think sometimes he will never come back. I don't have contact either, just that one to exchange things he left - from here on out it will be a check he owes me for health insurance until I get the final divorce papers. He'll probably mail that. He's shown no interest in visiting with the pets which were OUR babies. After the papers are done, I guess it could be never again unless he decides to. Our divorce was simple and once the papers are finalized (next month some time) and I have a copy then I will refi the house in my name and that will be that. Yeah splitting all the bills up and removing his name from accounts was painful, even our hard drive on the computer is named after us and I need to rename it so it's not this constant reminder. I wiped everything else away. I can't believe it's only been 2 months since BD. Just blows my mind that our entire life has been completely upturned and changed in the blink of an eye. I have considered a therapist, you mentioned you go to one, do you find it helpful? I have a list from my doctor of the local ones but i haven't made that leap yet - thanks again for posting and checking on me - it really does mean a lot.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Glad what I wrote on my thread helped you some small way! Again, you continue to amaze me at how well you are doing so early in the game! I hope your H comes thru this sooner rather than later! I think he is missing out on someone pretty special!
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
aww thank you so much CW!!! I think he is too dang it!! I would not be doing this "well" if it weren't for these boards. I do know that I did all I could on my end so now I just have to be patient and accept it for what it is. Life will go on either way. That song "I will survive" came on while I was driving yesterday and I turned it up really loud to sing along hahah. I won't let this break me, either he'll come back to his senses or I'll eventually be ready to allow someone else in my heart. The only things I know for sure right now are that I still love him, I hope he works through this muck, and I am soooo not ready for any new relationship of any kind whatsoever. Your post really was inspiring, I have not been to church for a very long time and as part of my new GAL I have found one that I am considering attending. I'm a little scared to go alone but that is something I should do to step out of my comfort zone. Doing things alone isn't so bad and I should really learn to do more of that. Baby steps!! Thanks for posting.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Ok TL, here's another gem I think T2d sent to me back in Nov. Again, I have forgotten how to incorporate the quote box, but here it is anyway (I love the last line):
"Something my IC said to me about W...that she pushed me away, hard, because she knew I cared for her deeply, and she didn't want to drag me down into her crap as much as possible, because she knew I would go there with her trying to help.
So, in an odd way, it was an act of love.
She had to go places I couldn't follow, would be too hurtful to follow, and she cared about me enough to push me away and tell me to go home.
Ever see those movies where the kid has to tell the loyal dog to go home, to NOT follow? Hard for both parties, but confusing as hell for the dog..."
I so felt like that dog... but that was before I found out about the OW and at a time when I thought it would take him a while to get involved with someone because, as he said,he was too F'd up for any relationship. But within two months he miraculously got 'better' I guess. Amazing . . .
I don't know if your H ever said anything along those lines, but if he has it might work for you like it did for me for a while.
Do go to church alone - you'll probably find it's not as scary as you think.
And yes, a therapist is a very useful tool as long as you are comfortable with them and you feel they 'get' you. Fortunately my therapist was OUR MC, so the MC knows my H very well. We both saw the MC for individual counseling too. Funny, the counselor said he did not see it coming either!!! Kiddingly offered to give me a refund!:)Like these boards, I don't know what I would do without him.
Wait, you filed only a month ago and the D will be final this month??? Geez, that's fast!
BTW, I second CW's comment about you . . and yes, you have done all you could with grace and dignity - take that to the bank!
We will both get stronger and get through this as much better women. Like you, I have no desire to get involved with anyone in the near future. Don't trust myself and I want to be healed and healthy so I can find someone who's healed and healthy as well.
I may not be in contact for a couple days - have company coming in and they'll be staying in the room with the computer, so I won't be able to sneak in at night.
But I'll be back . .
Goodnight my friend...
Me 59 H47 M12 T22 No kids BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY Filed 2/12/14 OW 11/13 The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
Hi T-boned! Thanks for your post, I do appreciate that quote and I had actually read it on these boards when I was perusing through everyone's stories. It does ring true - and I did get the "there's no other woman, i'm too effed up for that" but I already know there is at the very least an EA which may have turned into a PA by now but I don't know and I don't want to know, it's his business now. Yes, here it is only 60 days between signing/filing and divorce finalization. I did not contest - he knows I don't want it, I said so the first few weeks when I was trying to "fix" things and pursued him, then I figured out I was doing it all wrong. There was no sense in angering him further so I signed them. I'm not sure what date he turned them in - can only guess it was Feb 7th when he was off work for a doctors appt so it would be 60 days from then, which is April sometime. Yeah it's pretty fast!! Thanks for the therapy tip & comment about church. I think I will do both. I hope you have a good visit with your company, that will be a good distraction!! I joined another site just to read up more information on MLC - have you been to others? It is pretty much the same information but I like reading it from other sources. It just reinforced how long a journey this really is. I did feel better somehow when I discovered it was MLC because it was an explanation and it fit. I realize I will not be "special" or an exception and that this is going to take forever and a day and even then no guarantee so like Matthew McConaughey says, you gotta just keep on livin' you guys are awesome - thank you so much for your support!!
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Today I got the letter in the mail from his lawyer with the court date of our final divorce hearing. I knew it was coming but it still feels so ... weird and sad. The date is April 4th and I don't have to be there so I'm not going. It's just a piece of paper and to me it is opening the door to the new part of the journey. Now maybe he'll see that it changes nothing or maybe he'll feel better about it. Doesn't matter. Now I know where he lives though because they put his address on the letter and cc'd me on it. That doesn't matter either, not like i'm going to go over there or become a stalker. Onward and forward. I'm almost looking forward to being no one's girlfriend or wife since I was 16 years old. This will be good for me to finally know me as an individual and not shared things.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Hi TL...I remember feeling like you are every time I got something in the mail from his L or mine. I believe it is normal. It is not what you wanted.
That being said, I love what you wrote "this will be good for me to finally know ME as an individual". This is awesome! This is the good that comes out off all of this!
Have a great day!
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
I was just catching up and I am impressed with how well you are doing. Keep up the great work!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
you guys are awesome - thank you so much for your support!!