Baby you can drive my car...

[wishing, hoping]

So had a busy day. I'm feeling better about things today. Yesterday was just a bad day I guess.

Went to see D at dance. I was wondering how H would respond to me. H was decent. We chatted. He showed me pics of D in the machine he designed at work. He even showed me a picture of the new dog food he bought for the dog. Seriously? So I don't know how things are going to go Monday. I guess we will see what the judge says.

On a higher note I managed to hook up D's tv to the DVD/VHS player. And I did it all myself. I also colored my hair a deeper sassier auburn. It hasn't been this color since I was a teenager. At divorcecare I got a lot of compliments. I have been getting a lot of stares today too. Not sure if that is good or bad.

I'm exhausted and I still need to make something for church coffee hour. What a day.

24 hours and the kid's are back.

WH

[AJM]

Are you starting to see the pattern, WH? I do.

I see the pattern that as you work things out in yourself, it gets longer between "not so good days" and better days. For perspective: Understandably you're still impacted by H's changes in attitude toward you, the court case, and when the kids are with you or not. But you're making a LOT of progress in gaining perspective.

FTR, there is no such thing as "fair" in a court of law. That's a personal judgment term, and since there are two sides, somebody will think it's not "fair". Generally, both sides will walk away thinking the other screwed them. Fairness is too subjective to go either direction, if you see what I mean.

There is however the law. The law is what it is, and regardless how you feel, or how your H feels, it is going to do what it is designed to do. The difference is, if the judge doesn't like you or if the lawyer doesn't like you, they look in that big complicated morass of legaleze and look for ways to favor one over the other. That's hopefully based on good faith efforts (that you can show) and the kids best interests.

Your action is to act in good faith. Your action is to not get bogged down in fair or unfair, but rather to focus on the spirit of dissolution and how to get there acting in good faith.

Always remember, his actions do not excuse you from your responsibility.



AJ

P.S. Good on ya for the Auburn hair. I'm sure that's a great look and just in time for spring-ish days ahead

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks AJ.

I think I am doing better too. Little by little, step by step.

I guess I am not looking for what is fair, but for what is equitable. I think the judge will look for us both to take on debt and since H's income is far greater than mine he will have to pay child support and some maintenance. I am guessing the judge will give me a settlement which is more equitable than what H is offering. I can only go off what my attorney tells me though.

H didn't take the kid's to church this morning. Not sure why not, but it's his time so I can't really say anything. Even S's girlfriend didn't know where he was.

I have started praying for H to become a better dad. I don't know if it will do any good, but God has more control over it than I do.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Picked up the kids. Yay!!! S was telling me his dad had a "chat" with him and the other kids. Apparently all was not peaceful in the household yesterday. Apparently H told the kids that they won't be able to be "together" if they couldn't get along. I guess it was a 45 minute lecture. I'm sure things will change now. Right. I wonder where OW was and why she wasn't part of the conversation? Too much work I guess.

I asked S why they didn't come to church and he said he wanted to and he was ready but H didn't want to go and so decided they weren't going. Well that didn't last long did it? I told S if he wanted to go to church to tell his dad I would he happy to pick him up. I guess H and OW had S's girlfriend over for dinner last night. One big happy family. I think that H and OW cross the line when it comes to S's friends. H texts them like he is one of their "friends" and I think it's kind of creepy. H joked that he was going to text one of S's friends early in the morning and wake her up to irritate her. Really? Who else thinks that is crossing the line of what is proper?

We will see what happens tomorrow. I will keep you posted.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

So I had court this morning. I was so drained and tired of these proceedings I was NOT looking forward to it. It was a scheduling hearing where the judge got an update of what is going on.

The judge asked about the real estate and my attorney told the judge the house was about a wash from what it was worth to what was owed on it. H of course argued and told the judge the house is severely under water and hence it throws off the marital balance sheet and that there is a severe deficit. The judge then told H if the house is underwater and H wants to keep it, then I owe H nothing. He cannot take on the debt of the house and then expect me to either give him a payout or take fewer assets or less money just because he decides to stay in the house. The judge told H if he takes the house, then the value of the house will be listed as zero. No shortfall, no equity. H tried to argue with the judge and the judge told him "Mr. H, you have two options: either you take the house and the debt and suck it up, or else you let go of the house. Either let it go into foreclosure or sell it." That is exactly what my attorney has been trying to tell H for the last two years.

So now that takes away H's "bargaining power" that he thought he had over me. The only argument left is over the credit card division and whether or not he pays me maintenance. I think now he will have to pay me something. What that will be is yet to be determined.

So it was a fairly decent day in court. My faith is restored. Momentarily. I still think H intends to take this case to trial over the credit card and maintenance. He can't refinance the house if he has to pay me maintenance and if he has to take on the credit card, but I honestly can't see how he will get out of either one now that the house has been taken out of the equation.

I think H's house of cards is starting to collapse.

WH

[job]

WH,
The house of cards is built on a sand dune, which is now slowly eroding. Your h's power is being chipped away slowly but surely. In time, all of this will be settled and you will be able to breathe again.

Your h has a decision to make concerning the house and he's the only one that can do so. I'm glad the judge stood firm w/his decision on this. Time someone took your h on.

Stay positive and keep the faith. The man upstairs will watch over all of you.

Breathe and try to enjoy the rest of your day.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks, Job. It is a weight lifted off my shoulders. We are scheduled to go back for a pre-trial end of April. I am hoping we can come to an agreement. The judge made H and my lawyer agree on a date to meet to work out details. I think H will push this to trial. He wanted to know if he could subpoena the GAL. For what??? He is only about the kids and that part is done and cannot be brought up in trial. My attorney thinks H is just babbling and doesn't know what he is talking about. I believe him because everything that my attorney said would happen is happening.

I guess if H decides to let the house go into foreclosure I will deal with it then. I know the man upstairs has a plan and I am following his lead. I have options. I am not scared of H and H will do what he is gonna do. I really have nothing to lose at this point.

WH

[job]

WH,
I've seen this over and over again. Your h is grasping for straws and what happens is he will lose most, if not all of his credibility, as well as his money if he continues going down the road he's on. He's babbling and talking out both "ends" and will end up looking like the fool if he attempts to bring the GAL into the picture.

Continue to be yourself...but listen closely and watch your back for a while. I truly do not trust him and he is starting to sound desperate in his attempts not to be accountable for his actions as well as his support of his family.

[wishing, hoping]

Yes, Job. I will keep my guard up. As I said before, H has been very quiet. Very. I thought he was up to something, but now I kind of think he doesn't know which avenue to turn onto.

Good thing I am out of the house now and I am glad OW can deal with this idiot. I told my attorney that I am sure the tension in the house will escalate now. And my attorney said, "just remember, WH, a leopard cannot change his spots." He may be able to camouflage them temporarily, but they never go away.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

So that didn't take long. H just emailed me demanding I immediately reimburse him for S's soccer shoes as well as the money he paid into the kids' lunch accounts. I explained to him that I was not part of the shoe purchase and I just paid $50 into the kids' lunch account on February 20 so I was not about to reimburse him, I will pay the amount directly to the school.

I also made him aware that I spent $50 on recital fees and audition fees for D's dance as well as purchasing a ticket for him and S to attend the performance. I did this as a nice gesture but if he continues to be a jerk, I will demand reimbursement.

I have heard nothing back yet from the idiot. Obviously I need to keep my guard up for the next few months and say nothing. I suspect he is trying to build a "case" to prove I am in contempt of court by not reimbursing him. But of course, he is not reimbursing me either.

Yes, he is having another temper tantrum. I'm glad I don't have to be around him tonight.

WH