The bottom line is, stick to the high road. You can see how much it bothers your children when your ex says negative things about you; remember that when you're tempted to say negative things about him in their presence (and remember little pitchers have big ears! Be careful about letting them overhear you talking to friends).
Thanks. I make a point of watching what I say about H in front of the kids. In fact I told S that his dad is his dad and he loves him but that his dad is not perfect and S does not always have to agree with his dad.
I am glad I have this relationship with my kids. They are very important to me. And it is also important to me that they are individuals. They are who they are.
I think S regards this as his home now. I told him if he didn't want to keep something at dad's house to bring it here and I would take care if it.
I think they are getting more and more of the opinion that this is home.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Am I right from reading your previous threads that H cannot afford the house? If that's the case, then the OW painting and redecorating it is all a moot point if you plan to put the house up for sale as a part of the D proceeds. What a waste of time and energy! Now who's the idiot here??!
I am with Ellie on maintaining the high road in front of the kids. They will eventually figure out stuff in their own time and when they get older.
H for the longest time said he had no problem refinancing the house. Now that support is set he can't afford it. Or so he says. I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth.
According to H OW is just "helping him out" because she is such a good person. Right.
I'm just trying to be the advocate for my kid's. Being a good listener but yet staying objective is hard.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Fyi- H doesn't want to put the house up for sale. He expects me to take less support so he can afford to stay there so OW can sell her house and move in with him and be a live in babysitter. And not a good one at that.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I know how upsetting it is to watch you xh put the kids dead last. It is so painful.
These days I try to be as honest with my kids as I can be and within there age grasp.
Your son is figuring out that your h is in Mlc but your s doesn't have the vocabulary. I tell my kids constantly "daddy loves you". But I also sAy my truths which is daddy is sad.
Please remember your kids are blessed to have such a great mom and to have each other.
join the choir!!!!
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
So this morning I am getting the kid's ready for school and someone did not put D's gym shoes back in her backpack. Now I normally would think okay, he just forgot. But he also did not back her blanket and her winter hat. Three strikes and youre out. I think he is playing games to tick me off. I called him and asked him about it but he said they should be in her backpack. I wanted to say if they were in the backpack I sure would not take the time to call you and ask. But I didn't. I was nice and reserved even though I wanted to reach through the phone and choke him. So I had to leave the house early to stop there and send S in to get the stuff.
D has a performance at school today. I'm not looking forward to going there and seeing H. He made a big hoo ha about how he is going. Maybe I can just avoid him.
I know I need a virtual beating for this but I feel like I am slipping again into the "it's all my fault scenario". I know it's not true, but for some reason I am buying into the story H fed S. I can't go down that slippery slope again. But that self doubt keeps creeping in and that's what H wants.
Snowy day again and that doesn't help my mood. But one good thing about the snow is that the cute guy next door comes over and shovels my driveway. Lol.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
It's not your fault. I like how you found the positive with the cute guy shoveling the driveway
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
WH, we all go through those cycles of wondering "what if?" Eventually, you figure out how to go back to the issue and put it to rest once and for all.
You can learn from your past, but you can't change it. You also can't make his choices for him. He did what he did and that's how it is. And I can tell you that no matter what you did or did not do, it wouldn't have mattered in the scheme of things. This isn't something you control or could have controlled. It's not about you in that sense
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
