Didn't mean to hijack again but separation needs to be considered VERY carefully because it could have unintended consequences depending on the situation.
Me: 33 W: 27 S: 5 D: 2 Bomb: 1/2/14 First Separation: 1/25/14 MC: 2/7/14 (one time only) Moved Back in: 3/31/14 W says she wants a divorce and moves out: 7/26/14 Appt to sign dissolution: 12/30/14
BUT, in my case my wife has "said" that she's as happy as she's been in years since we've been separated. Now, we've only been separated for about a month and I've only been DBing for about 20 days so it IS possible that she's just "saying" that and that isn't how she feels.
Time will tell I guess. If everything remains the same, the separation will just end up being one nail in the coffin.
My wife said the same thing after about 3 days, but I understood her and I feel she meant every word of it. She carried a lot of guilt and stress about moving out before she actually left, and when she did a lot of stress was removed.
It hurts to hear these things, but time and GAL will help you move past it. I am two months in and feel completely different that I did at your point in the S. I try to not look at her actions with anger, but from her point of view and with empathy, but lack of empathy is one of my issues.
When I was at your same timeline I felt the same nail in coffin feelings you have. But something changed in me and I felt that being alone let me think about me and myself and how I had changed in my R. Some were positive and some were negative, but these are my opinions about myself and no the W's.
Take this time to change for you and make these changes permanent.
I am fresh in my sitch and DB, but these are my feelings/opinions right now. Take them or leave them.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
"Truthfully, I don't have it in me to wait on her anymore,"
That's why you feel the way you do. You've been "waiting" on her. You're not supposed to "wait" on them to produce an action. You just live and continue to live the way you want to.
But if you're content at leaving, then you should draw up the paperwork and finish the deal.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Companionship. Is the biggest key here. I live my life very much as I want it now and that parts' great (would be better if I got rid of these debts). In fact I'm finally able to go ahead and do things irregardless of her busy schedule that always had me running around in circles for her.
The only part of my life that's waiting on her is the part where I wake up alone. I don't like it. I got used to it again, don't like it. I really like having a woman in my life.
But then I have to rewind on what it was like with her. She doesn't respect me. She didn't care if I was happy or not. She's one of these "my way or the highway" people and it drove me nuts.
There's so much work we'd need to do if we got together and she's not interested anyway. I'll take your word that the legal route might not be what I'm looking for.
Perhaps it's best to simply move on with my life. I haven't worn the ring in a couple weeks now and I don't plan on putting it back on any time soon.
Again, thanks all for your iput.much appreciated.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
There's so much work we'd need to do if we got together and she's not interested anyway.
Has she told you this? I know that she did at DB, and it's been a while since I read through your threads, but if I recall, she told you lots of different things, and while she didn't ever fully recommit (though it sounded like she was headed that way at one point), she also never reiterated her desire for D. Did she?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
No she doesn't speak of divorce, she's not that direct...about anything. And anything she does say will go in circles as she runs away when you try to talk.
But her priorities speak very clearly that she's not interested. For example the time we had lunch was quite a merry go round of times and dates. She's with her friends and has plans any night of the week. Weekends are booked as well. Lunch is possible, but she's too busy any day except this one day. Why? It's not a priority. Her friends are a priority. Partying, clubbing, Caribbean holidays with her friends, these are a priority. Trust me, she has lots of time for them; she'll reschedule things with me for them and time with them is carved in stone.
I recently made the mistake of asking her if she'd be interested in spending a few days alone together. She said no, she'd like to but she doesn't have enough vacation days this year. Not too long later, guess who asked me to watch the kids an extra couple of days in March so she can go to the Dominican Republic with her friends? One of them found a good price and they all decided to go and she can't pass it up. Those are her priorities.
And when you do talk to her, she's a master of avoiding any sort of important conversation. She'll say something that's important, I'll follow up on it. I'll try to get her to explain further and understand but as soon as I try, she does the verbal version of a squid spraying ink to run away from a predator.
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
I hear a lot of resentment in what you are saying and I know where you are coming from, but you need to let that go it doesn't help you in whatever you decide to do
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
2 if its any help...my W does the same things....not fancy vacations but horse stuff. Anything with friends. I wss never a priority but you need to just get back to you. Dont hurt youself over that if you can. Whatever you decide to do...letting go will be a big part of it for your own ss nity and health. I'm going tbru it now. I know M is too. Keep up the work on you. No matter what you do.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
My wife is the same. She lives her own life, makes her own plans, she doesn't even have the courtesy to tell me when she'll be home for dinner so I can organise dinner and the kids with her.
You're right, you're not a priority to her right now. Look at the positives though. There's less fighting, right? She speaks less about divorce, right? She's more pleasant to you, right? I look at these things from my wife as positive differences from BD and platforms from which to work from.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
