So yesterday my H decided he was too angry to discuss anything with the kids.
Then he texts me this morning to inform me that my D9 had trouble sleeping last night. They had a conversation where he asked if the separate living arrangements were bothering her. D9 apparently said, "no, not all. I mean, it's not like it's permanent." My H said,
At that point I told her that it might become permanent. I did not discuss the divorce with her and she let it go at that.
OK, tell me if I am just being negative or slamming my H for no reason. But my reaction to this? Are you f-ing kidding me?????
So he tells her that it might become permanent, leaving her to wonder WTF that means. And what happens when she tells S7, and when they ask me about it?
I don't know what to do. I feel like now it's affecting the kids, so I have to do something. Should I insist that he tell them the truth?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Honestly, I'd have to say something. I know I'm probably gonna have that conversation with my son several years from now. And I will tell him the truth.
Your kids need to know this is a permanent(with how things are currently going in your sitch) arrangement.
I don't think limbo land is healthy for adults nevermind children.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
Not that I want to defend your H, but he was being honest. As co-parents, sometimes discussions are going to come up with the kids that aren't at the perfect planned out time......and you just have to go with them.
When asked, you respond honestly. "We are going through a rough time and this might be permanent. Now whatever happens between Daddy on I, we still love you both very much" Then hugs and kisses time.
As for your poll....Soft top wrangler. Convertible and SUV in one package
Mel, this is hard and you are on the fast track so you're not getting the luxury of time that a lot of us get to mellow out. I push and prod because it is too easy for people to feed the frenzy of outrage, sarcasm, and eye-rolling at the crazy things a was does. It is not an attractive or healthy place to be, though. You don't have to rise above it, there are plenty of people in the world who will join you in slamming your H for everything he says or does. But it would be good for you to work toward peaceful detachment as a goal, maybe with some baby steps. Just sayin.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I'm not perfect, I do it too. Every little thing my H does gets my goat, and there are plenty of people ready to agree. I don't want to be that person.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Honestly, I have no desire to get annoyed by everything my H does. And I agree, I think it is gross when people make rude remarks about their exes.
Right now,I just want him to leave me alone. He goes from super nice to cruel to rude to manipulative back to nice in a matter of 24 hours, and I am having a lot of trouble managing my own thoughts and emotions if I follow along.
I find that if I allow myself to see him as a genuinely nice person, I just get emotionally slammed the next day or hour when he spits his hate and blame at me. And I feel like I am once again on the H roller coaster.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
