In our jurisdiction 12 is old enough to babysit and be alone...12 and 6 years old. I went through this with my L as my exW leaves kids alone all the time. Now my kids are definitely old enough now. I did have to remember myself too that I babysat when I was 12 and often even infants. If the parent is reachable by cell etc, that is fine. From what I understand the greater concern will be the relationship between S and D over the long haul. Your S may over time resent D if he is always left to care for her. After school is fine, but if it becomes him raising her, this resentment can happen. Glad your S made to dance. He needs his time too.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
I agree FM. I totally agree. It takes S's time away. But if is okay by state statute I will leave it alone. I think H is trying to get out of paying daycare or else he needs to work later and had S watch her just in case. If this keeps up and H starts working more I will suggest that perhaps they should be by me after school if H isn't available.
So tonight did some grocery shopping. I don't think I broke the bank. I got a lot of stuff. But didn't really spend too much money. I made a chocolate chip cheesecake for the pie/cake auction at church and I made some Funfetti donuts for the coffee hour. I baked the donut part and I will glaze them and add sprinkles tomorrow night. The dough was thick and sticky so it was hard to pipe in the pan so they look more like muffins than donuts. But I guess they will be okay. I need to make something else too as the recipe only made 17 mini donut/muffin looking things.
I'm interested to see how H responds to me tomorrow.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH so good to read how good your are doing in your own place.
From getting your internet TV set up to baking, you are really doing well. You should be very proud of yourself.
I think you should use this opportunity with S watching D to send your STBX an email regarding it. I think that although what happened isnt wrong it is something you dont want to become standard practice and how can you both address that. Obviously H needs to work but are there some other after school options that can be considered.
Keep us posted
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Everytime H is around other people there has to be a dog and pony show. We were at D's dance rehearsal and S's GF and her dad were at the studio because her little sister is in the recital as well. H has to turn up the volume and become Mr. Entertainment. S' GF tells a story about her horse and H has to "one up" her by telling his horse story. A story of how he was chased down by a horse. Pregnant pause. I am silently praying "please no one ask him to tell the story" but her little sister did. She is completely innocent and naive. I did say "you had to ask, didn't you".
H tells the story of how he went horseback riding and the horse attacked him and chased him and tried to bite him. He went on and on as only H could do. I just looked at him and said "what did you do to that horse to make him hate you? Did you poke it in the eye or something?". H didn't like that. I took the spotlight away from him. He would not speak to me the rest of practice. I feel really bad about that too.
He continued on about how S is having a great time at the house making cookies and etc. Hmmmm really? He also invited S's GF to go roller skating. One big happy family. So I texted S after I left and asked him why he was making cookies? He said because he was bored out of his mind and hungry.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I really dont understand your H had daughter not go to after school so that your S could watch her? really?
Regarding the big happy family thing, I know how much it hurts to see them acting this way just know other people know its a big lie and it will catch up to him. The act cant last forever.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
H is mad again. Oh if I had a dime for every time.
He brought D to church and wouldn't even look at me. After church he snatched up D and told her they were leaving. He went to get S and S said he had to stay because it was youth Sunday and he had responsibilities. H said you are coming with me. S said no I'm not. H said S never tells him anything, S said he told him. I just walked away and D followed me. Lol. Short version, D and H left, and S stayed.
After H left I asked S what was going on. S said H was furious with me because I refused to take responsibility for the dog and he had to scramble around and get a kennel that he couldn't afford. I explained to S that I had car repairs and S said he knew that. He said H was also stressed because he had to travel and he was scrambling around. Not my problem.
S told me they all went to Cabelas yesterday as one big happy family and her kids ran all over the store and were out of control. I told S about the little boy coming to D's basketball and was obnoxious. S said he is always like that and when S said something to H about it, he said you better to get used to it.
That's what makes me mad. Not that H is angry with me, but that he treats the kid's that way. And that is "ok"? One day it may bite H in the butt, but what about the here and now? I told S it was not his job to parent the younger kids that was what H and OW are supposed to do.
I am trying to learn to forgive and move on, but these are the things that make it more difficult.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH, I guess life isn't what he thought it would be. Poor lost soul.
If he's angry w/you, he shouldn't be taking it out on the kids. It's an adult matter and your children have nothing to do w/the dog situation.
As for son watching all of those younger kids, your son should speak up and advise them how much he's going to be charging to watch them, i.e., he will watch his sister for free....but all others...a charge or he's not doing it. Those two adults are a piece of work.
Before it's all said and done, your kids will be w/you more than they are w/him...I see it coming.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I hope you're right, Job. H is just so all about himself. Like usual, he has a plan and when someone throws a monkey wrench into those plans he has a tantrum. I was always the buffer so the kid's weren't affected. How what???
He will do everything he can right now to keep me from having the kid's more than I "should". I hope it comes back on him. Not forgiving, I know, but its how I feel right now.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
The thing I struggling with regarding forgiving is how do you forgive Hitler? Some of the WAS are evil pure evil? How do you forgive that?
I really dont know... I, like you and human. When someone continues to burn not only me but my kids it is not not realistic for me to not be mad.
It is all about him. He is only looking out for himself and he will justify and rationalize everything so he can have what he wants. Luckily he can always fall back and blame you for his problems. What a jerk!
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
