So like I said earlier. H is mad. Hopping mad. I haven't replied to his email. I resisted. Let my lawyer handle it, right?
My lawyer thinks it would be stupid to bring this case to trial. But what I am hearing from H is unless we give him what he wants, he will take it to trial and I will have to pay. But of course, to take this to trial, we would be married another year or so according to the GAL. Now that's another thing. Every email H sends he cc's the GAL and I have to pay for 1/2 of that, so I am paying two lawyers. I am getting pretty frustrated. Not to mention that he uses the kids against me, but there isn't much he can do now that the placement order is in force and we don't live together. It doesn't have quite the same impact.
So I guess I let H spin and see what the next thing is he comes up with, right? It ought to be a doozy.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Stand your ground on what you need financially from the D. Is there any way you can talk with the GAL and ask that you not be charged for H's emails to him? If I remember right, GAL is done with his part and no longer has role in this. Isn't that right?
About the D, can you get a D then work out the financials? A number of people do get the decree nisi then work out the financials and support. Can this be done? Thoughts?
I don't think Divorce can be granted without an agreement or trial in this state. Unless we come to an agreement or go to trial we are stuck.
According to my attorney the GAL should be done, but H claims the GAL is there until the very end. The attorney told H that if he continues to include the GAL in the emails, he will object on my behalf to me paying half those fees.
So I guess it is all up to the judge, unless I go along with what H wants, because he will never meet half way. H claims because his bills are more than mine, I should get less support. I told him the only bills the courts are concerned about are marital bills ie: mortgage, car and CC and expenses pertaining to the kids. H claims that the courts need to take into consideration all his debt. Well that's crap. He can go out and run up a bunch of CCs and buy cars, etc and get out of his financial obligation to the kids and I and I am supposed to hang? I hope that's not really the way it works.
Plus, when I don't have the kids, I worry about him taking out his frustrations on them. But there isn't a lot he can do except depend on the judge if I won't go along with what he wants.
AND I think I have a bladder/kidney/UTI infection. The pain is still there. I'm off to buy cranberry juice.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I understand your fear, pain, and frustration. I feel it too. This is just hard stuff, wish it weren't.
Let's try to take a step back from the emotion to get back on the same page. I still very much want to finalize the papers. My lawyer has asked for the additional info he needs to proceed. I hope this doesn't stall things. I think he will move quickly as soon as he hears back from you.
Yes, good idea to use the calendar with the kids. It seems like a helpful idea in terms of ways to reduce friction and increase predictability and stability.
This is not the time or place to be empathetic or validate H's emotions. H is manipulating and applying pressure on WH because he isn't getting what he wants on his own terms. I wouldn't bother acknowledging his so-called "pain, fear, & frustration" because H does not feel these emotions at all. Trust me.
Again, it is up to WH to decide whether to send the email response back or just let it go to her L. WH's H is trying to suck WH back into his drama and arm twisting her into his "settlement conditions". Crazy man!
WH, You need to advise your attorney that as of today, you are not paying one more penny towards those fees, if your h incudes the GAL on the emails. That he does not have your permission to include him on them.
Your h is a pain in the royal @ss. He's trying to do everything to get you to just throw your hands up and say enough and give him everything.
Send an email to your attorney now and advise him that you aren't paying any more money to the GAL unless it is something that you have agreed to do. Time to voice your opinion because if you don't, your h will continue to spend money he's been crying about now having.
There is a UTI medication that is OTC. Don't play around w/that UTI. They can really become painful and make you feel very sick.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He's trying to do everything to get you to just throw your hands up and say enough and give him everything.
Let the L deal with it. The more you engage the more fustration you will have.
Quote:
You cannot rationalize with Crazy.
Remind yourself of this ....over and over and over again.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks everyone. My lawyer already told H we will object to any other GAL fees that do not pertain to placement. So I think that's a done deal.
I guess H is mad because he knows he cannot bully the lawyer. So he is trying to play on my sympathies. "After all he's done for me." You mean "to" me. Like I told my counselor, now that placement is settled, I have nothing more to lose. Anything H pays me is above and beyond what I expect from him. I would not be a bit surprised if he comes back and says he is losing his job. Well, then I guess then you CAN'T afford the house. Maybe he will go on disability too, like OW. They can have matching canes.
In other news I picked up my indoor HD antenna. I will TRY to hook it up tonight. They make it sound so easy, but I have my doubts.
I am getting internet hooked up tomorrow. Now, if I stream through a blu ray, do I have to have the blu ray BEFORE they hook up the internet or is it easy via cables to hook it up afterward? See how much of a nube I am about this stuff??
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I had the internet technician hook my Blue Ray up. However, it is very easy to hook up later. I did the one in my MB by following the step-by-step directions. If you don't have your instructions do a search on line for your type of equipment and download the instructions.
Try to ignore his silly @ss. He's just trying to wear you down. He'll play good cop and then bad cop just to throw you off...but be alert.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
