I Believe it Cause I Feel It

[Whiterose]

A hundred thousand disbelievers couldn't keep me on the ground
I've invented a momentum that'll never slow me down
I believe it 'cause I feel it and I shout it out loud
I can I can I can so - Hedley

One:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2368775#Post2368775
Two:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2377072&page=1
Three:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2383250&page=1
Four:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2395511&page=1

Time for a new thread.

Tina825
______________________
Wow Whiterose, sorry to hear that about your husband. It is very hard to wrap my head around it.

Thanks for the "awesome" comment. This morning he forgot to give me some money he owed, so I went to our lot (business) and he hugged me, I said, what are you doing? He said no matter what I love you and then tried to kiss me, I just took the money and walked away.

He then had S call me and ask if I was going to meet them for lunch, I told S, "No baby, Mom just ate not long ago" H then got on phone and said are you coming? I said "No, not today".

He's been texting all afternoon (I was shopping for skinny girl clothes - have lost 40lbs since last August) and I haven't responded.

Coaching was awesome, she gave me some great tips and advice and also told me whatever I'm doing is obviously working and to keep doing it. Gave me some homework for next session.

Went to visit best friend and she said, OMG, the old Tina is coming back! Made me feel good that I woke up with newfound strength, I actually sang in the shower this morning! LOL

Now, I'm getting ready to go out to eat and have a few drinks with my SIL. She's kinda going through the same thing with my husband's brother. Ironic, seems to happen during a certain season.

Hope you have a great evening.
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WOW Tina. You're DBing is working! Good for you to be so strong. I've lost about 25lbs since this has all started.......also have built some defined muscular arms since much of the work I do is labour intensive. Heavy things H used to move around for me I have to do and I've stared working with decor companies, extra money, which is a lot of heavy lifting and moving. Haven't had money to buy new clothes but I wear mostly yoga pants and, although a little baggy, it's generally fitted. Lol. So great that your friend noticed that your old self is coming through.....that's a big thing I think.

Hope you enjoyed your evening. Sad about your SIL. I find more and more couples are splitting or having a really hard time. 2013 seems to be a year of turmoil. Ready for it to be done!

Have an enjoyable Sunday!!

RosaLinda


Good morning Rose. Boy your H's family is as nutzy as he is! Your SIL de-friending you on FaceBook after having such a lovely conversation, and then insulting your friend T is strange behavior. Maybe H told SIL how jealous he is of T, maybe that's why!

Have you heard anything from H about that check you gave him by mistake? I'm sorry you are so worried about money, but it's great that work put you back on today. Although a hike would have been nice too! Do your boys see H when you're working on the weekends?
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Good Morning darling Linda.
How are you feeling? The eyes ok?
She knew H was jealous of T but I had explained to her that there was NOTHING going on and she even has a close male friend and understood we're just friends. She ended up messaging S18 to apologize and he explained it was a joke from a conversation made the night before. She said that she didn't like the comment but didn't know the context and would next time keep her opinions to herself. Well, gee, aren't we lucky?!?! You know, if you want to comment on someone's parenting, MAYBE you should talk to your brother lady!! Maybe other men wouldn't try to help me out if I had a partner I their upbringing!

Haven't heard a single peep about the cheque. Does he think I'll just forget about $385? I don't understand. But, boy oh boy, has he been busy with S18!
H messaged S Friday night a "how's it going?" And S responded
"Dad I'm tired of this crap going on. Just FYI aunt F unfriended all of us on FB. Did you see aunt c's comment on myFB post? And how is mom poisoning us. I would like you to explain that please"
H "what are you talking about? The only fb post I saw was your aunt saying that your mom is more than capable of parenting you (I did not see that at all btw). Hey just FYI I'm tired of you venting on me. Give me a call when your off"

Ok A. Your his dad. You have caused turmoil and fear in our children. Guess what sweetheart, they get to vent on you!!!!!! B you're an idiot!!!

Anyway. They had quite the conversation Saturday am. S18 explained that he had overheard me talking to my lawyer and the comment that his lawyer had accused me of poisoning the kids. H said that all he had said was he was unsure what I have been saying and then asked if my lawyer was here (in my home because she's moved I you know!!!!!!) and recording the phone conversation. Paranoid much H? This is the second time he's accused someone of recording phone conversations. H accused me of being difficult and stalling and S said it takes a year. Things take time. NOW THIS ONE MADE ME ALMOST CALL HIM AND NEVER TO TALK TO MY CHILD AGAIN ..... H responded with it doesn't take this long "are you F'N stupid?" Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh S tried explaining the joke between himself and T but H agreed with his sister's comment. MAYBE if you feel your fatherhood is threatened you should step up to the plate H! S asked why he's trying to take everything. H said he had every right to take his tools and stuff for his place (no one is arguing the legality H it's the morality of it that is rubbing us all wrong. You left. Leave and start new the ). H said he's trying to set up a place so they can come visit....S said we don't want to visit you we want a dad home at night. (Broke my heart to hear that. Your son is crying out for you and guess H's answer) well, that's not happening so too bad. S said he never sees H. He works 2 mins away and never wants to do anything.....h said it was son's fault for making excuses that he's working. This was just some of what was said. I asked S not to talk to H for 12 hours for everyone to calm down but H called back about 20 mins after I left for work. Apparently it was ok. He didn't apologize for his comment and more a chit chat type conversation. Also, called S after work for more chit chat. This also about the time sil messaged S about T so I'm guessing H and SIL had a conversation. MIL's bday is Nov 1 so SIL invited S out for a dinner but S has to work. She asked if he worked 1, 2, and 3 and he had to say he does.

Not sure what to make of all of this. It seems to be coming to a head

[job]

WR,
I'm so sorry that this is taking place, but I do think your h's family is very strange. For one thing, the sil shouldn't be getting into the your business w/your h. She needs to stay out of it and keep the comments off FB and to herself.

But, I do have to wonder why she's so pressing about your S going there for mil's birthday dinner. I personally think they are trying to fish w/your S to get information. I could be very wrong, but something just doesn't smell right w/any of this. Please be very careful what you say or do around your sil.

Hopefully your h will settle down and act like an adult/parent around his S, but I doubt it. Apparently he's recovered enough to act like an @ss these days. I do think that they time is coming that your S is going to cease responding to his texts. He's getting tired of the BS and who can blame him.

As for your check...it's gone and I seriously doubt that he'll address the issue unless you or the attorney brings it up.

WR, please take care of yourself and I pray that things will settle down for you and your sons.

[Whiterose]

Job, they have always been dysfunctional like this. Hot - cold. Angry - happy. Almost an entire family exhibiting bipolar tendencies. Part of the reason H never wanted to be with them and really never talked to anyone unless I pushed.

I THINK H has expressed an interest in being S18's friend and because S14 refuses to have anything to do with him they want to involve S18 as much as possible for H. It's an almost weird thing they do. They think it's their way of supporting H. Giving him what he wants almost. He's the golden child. MIL kept having kids until she had the coveted son and then they all grew up pampering, yet neglecting, H. Oddest set up ever!

I will try one more time and then next time with my lawyer I'll let her know about the cheque. Maybe it will be useful info. It wasn't his. He should have never cashed it.

I pray it settles too job. He just seems excessively mean and crazy, no?

[job]

He's really angry right now about life and it's not going the way he thought he should. He's just a miserable man who doesn't know how to cope and/or figure out that he has to look within to figure things out. He's trying to blame the world every time something goes wrong. We wouldn't want to be him, that's for sure.

I understand why they are encouraging your S18 because he's the only one that has contact w/his father. And because it's probably easier to manipulate him to some degree. I do hope they won't take advantage of him, but he's old enough to see the forest for the trees. Your younger son has stood his ground from the very beginning and he's very hurt by what his father has done. It's going to take a miracle to mend that broken fence, but his father is going to have to be the one to do it w/his son.

I am praying your h will settle down, but I have this feeling he's going to be mean and crazy for a while longer, at least until he gets his money. Buckle up and be ready for that bumpy ride...but you've got a good lawyer and she'll handle him and his lawyer. Don't get into any heated discussions w/the man because he'll only hear what he wants and turn the tables on you every time.

Please take care of yourself.

[Whiterose]

I don't think anyone can look at this man and say "oh yeah, he's doing so much better!" Not any sane person anyway. I, honestly, think they chalk it up to he'll get over it when he can move on. Really, people? None of you can see this man spiralling???

You are right.....S18, to a certain extent, can be manipulated. And I did find out that he mentioned to my mom that H used to ask where I was all the time and that he would answer working then H comments to me I'm never home so I think S feels guilt over answering. Ridiculous!!!!

I did message H again this am
Did you get my message about my cheque? Can you let me know as I need go go grocery shopping.

Also, the boys and I are talking about what they want to remain in the house and what they'll let go to save money with lawyers I'll send it to you directly once they're comfortable wit their choices


H called S 18! Uggggggggg
Your mom messaged me about house stuff. I haven't bugged you about it She says you're making a list. S "yup" H well, I just left it.

After S got off he phone he told me and I asked S to message H that he needs to message me about it.

Thank you for your support always job:)

[Whiterose]

Well, yesterday was another shocking day for me....nothing with H. Lost a major acct and now trying to figure out new work options.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed with it all

[Whiterose]

Just got off the phone with my lawyer.....H's lawyer said that I'm involving my kids in litigation. As in they are overhearing me talking to other people about H having a mlc and to most recently they are to choose items h can take.

Omg I'm shaking. Shaking! If I'm on the phone in another room, or floor, and they're listening in what am I supposed to do? Where can I talk to my lawyer and friends? I close the door but they're 14 and 18 and want to know. I don't yell or talk overly loudly, except when I was talking to him directly about bouncing the mortgage, but that was one time. As for the furniture I told her I had done some reading and talked to some professionals and part of the problem with kids going through this is they feel like their powerless so helping to pick furniture allows them an opportunity to feel like they have power in the situation. I've told the boys we can replace stuff. They're angry. I messaged H directly and HE phoned S18 to discuss it!!!!! I told my lawyer that. I told her he asked my s if he was "an fn idiot?" That he accused S of having her here at 8:30 on a Saturday morning to record the phone conversation. SECOND time he's accused someone of recording phone conversations.

She said I need to tell the boys not to listen. I said I have but they're teenagers and this affects them. Of course they're frying to hear what they can! She said they cannot talk to their dad about it.......I said I don't want to be accused of telling the boys what they can and cannot say and that they have every right to say what they need to to their father. I ask them how I make them feel. If what I'm doing bothers them. Ways I can make it easier.
I've done nothing but care for our boys. Protect them as best I can. I don't tell them how crazy their father is, they've figured that out on their own, I'm so upset. HOW DARE HE ACCUSE ME OF THIS!

He has, essentially, abandoned them, and I'm he awful parent. I'm so upset. When does this get better?? Really? I don't know how much more I can take

[Wonka]

Dear WR, it is H who is trying to gaslight you and make you out to be the 'bad guy' in this process. He's projecting his inner turmoil and guilt on to you so he doesn't have to look at himself. Just typical MLC blather.

I am sorry that this is happening to you right now. You're a great Mom!! Continue to stay true to yourself as a person and as a Mom to your boys.

Are there any steps you can take to ensure that your communications with your L are private and confidential? What can you do to ensure that the boys are away/not around when you do talk with the L? This is within your power to do so.

(((WR)))

[Whiterose]

Wonka, I'm trying to understand that this is everything to do with how he feels about himself but dammit I'm doing it all!!!!!!! He is nowhere to be seen! No money, no time, no interest yet he's accusing ME. He can take his blather to somewhere else because if he's not going to do it he need to get the F outta the way of the people doing the work. He rambles stupid crap, says awful things to the boys, and me helping them to feel empowered makes me bad? I'm not perfect but I'm trying. NOW, I have to have another conversation with S18 to somehow tell him not to say anything to his dad he overhears as his dad is not understand in all the while not making it seem to ask him to keep secrets!!

We have a small house. I'm trying to be in different areas than them, keep doors closed, but between school and work there's mostly a child home all the time. S18 had an early shift today so when I called my L this am re: the letter no one was home. I'm certainly not doing this in the same room as them. If I have a friend over again diffenent area, doors closed, etc.

He's crazy. CRAZY! I'm trying to protect my children from a crazy, angry man in proceeding that don't recognize his state or care about my boys only what is legal, if one more person tells me it's the law I may deck them! I can't tell you how many times I've said I don't give a sh1t what the law is I care about how this is emotially destroying my boys. I even told my lawyer I don't care about visitation he can come see his boys whenever he wants he just DOES NOT COME. She said well it's not appropriate, not his home, I said, you're not following me I DONT CARE His boys live here. They need their father. He can come when he wants to see them. Pick them up. Stay. Whatever. He will not come.

Crying again. I feel so beat up.

[Wonka]

My dear...get it all out! Go and punch pillow!! It looks like you've had it up 'here' (hand on top of head) with H's shenanigans. I do FEEL for you here.

You can tell S18 that any phone calls with L is your business and only yours. Not to be shared with other people. It is an adult thing and not for S to know.

You can instruct your L that there's an open visitation for H to visit your boys at any time. They work FOR YOU. Be sure that part is clear to L. And she can have it in writing for you to review.