Did you really tell her that you are trying to live as much of my life as possible as if she isn't coming back? How did she answer that?
I think I used the phrase "as if you still want to D"...but I really don't remember exactly. Her reaction was what I think was a look of care, and then a look down. But no words.
I know a lot of what I said was not terribly DB. Thing is, I an an open, open person to those close to me...maybe reserved publicly, I don't always offer it up, but when asked, or deemed necessary/helpful, I am pretty much what you see is what you get.
The advice from here, IC, friends is, be yourself...well, that is me. I like that about me. I don't have the strong need/want like our Scorpios for secrets and privacy.
Another thing from IC is that W likes/needs to be pursued (um, yep, lol). I should try an occasional "touch" of pursuit, otherwise W may, if she is still fence-sitting, or moving towards R, think I am not interested and give up. In a way, being pursued is a LL of hers, if that makes sense. And I have been dim enough for long enough that an occasional hint of pursuit isn't going to make or break the sitch, atm.
So, I had my say, tried a bit of mentor role maybe, now back to "aloof, yet available" and maybe a bit more initiation, depending on my read of her state atm. Idk. Just rolling with it, because I will be okay, either way.
And no hug, neither <pat><pat> nor "side-hug"...lol.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Yesterday W calls me after her IC appt, for some regular ol' car stuff with the old bimmer, then she says she's exhausted, that the IC session was "huge". She didn't give any details or hints, and I didn't ask (180 for me). I think I've said enough times that I am interested, but will wait for her to share when/if she wants or is ready, she heard and knows.
There appears to be a change in the air so far, and not a change for the worse, better in fact.
Sitting still...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T2, Sounds like a major break thru for her. She's so close and yet can't touch the finish line.
Continue to sit quietly and still...she'll definitely share w/you when she's ready and the time is right.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Oh T^2, this sounds like a breakthrough could be soon!
"The waiting is the hardest part" isn't it?
You're doing so well. Used to being patient, so a little more time won't hurt anything.
You've got your radar up so you know when she is headed in the right direction.
I liked the exchange you had recently (I'm typing on my phone so can't go to the trouble of quoting it) where you acknowledged you were awesome and so did she! It sounds like the dynamic between the two of you is very, very good.
I'm so glad she is willing to work through her issues and you are willing to wait.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Thing is, I an an open, open person to those close to me...maybe reserved publicly, I don't always offer it up, but when asked, or deemed necessary/helpful, I am pretty much what you see is what you get.
My friend, you and I are a lot alike. ^^^^
You know, I always say that sometimes you just have to follow your gut. You know her best. There are no hard and fast rules. Sometimes you just have to go for it. I really feel as if she is turning a corner. So, I have another brand new, ultra strong patience shovel with your name on it.
Sit back and watch. Get some popcorn if you want to.
You know T, you and I share several things in common... one is W's that are quite comfortable in our homes, and not making any moves to leave.
My thoughts, for what it's worth. (about 2 cents): We have more power and control than we realize. We don't have to STFU forever.
I'm not going to be afraid to say/ask what I feel. It would be hard for me, and I believe you, to do or say anything that ended the M, or made our W's move out. Maybe it's time for something new.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Since I know for a fact that W is sensitive to any pressure, even before mlc, I do need to be very mindful and weigh my wants against the bigger picture for now.
Every 3-4 months or so I do have a little "this is my feelings and reality" chat, brief, to the point, neutral, and nothing expected (too much, lol, there's always a small hope lurking in there somewhere)...it helps me keep from blowing my cool, detachment, etc. And maybe it helps the sitch, maybe not. Idk.
So I don't recommend anything I do from this point forward... lol.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Hey T2! I was just checking to see if your W let you in on what had occurred during her breakthru IC session the other day. No, if she is sensitive to pressure, don't push her. Something is obviously on her mind since she described the session as huge. She's a thinker, she'll ponder on it and let you know when she's ready.�
Have a great weekend!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
