Taking A Stand; What's my Position?

[Mimi00]

Sorry for all of my typos its hard to see what I am writing from my phone

[chl0901]

Hi Mimi, sorry you are feeling blue right now. I hope you can get your chin back up and feeling good again because you are awesome!

[Mimi00]

Hi Chl0. Thanks!

H called the other day to tell me he found an apartment a month and a half earlier than expected. Its $1, 100 a month and he called to let me know he'd be taking money from out joint savings toncover the depost ans rent. The joint savings was ar $4, 000 in June before BD.... H has single handedly taken it down to $1, 500 and as of today, bc of this new apartment he got, its now $358.

In the past that wouldve made me mad....but I truly don't care.

My concern is this: once H uses ul the little money left in there.... I fesr he's going to ask me for money from a private savings that only has my name one it (before BD I asked him to come to the bank with me several months ago to put his name on it...but he didn't want to). After BD he told me I could have the private savings (I am the only one who contibuted to it, he never put a dime in there..its all money from my job) ...basically, imo, trying to get out of supporting me....he knows I will never touch the money in the private savings...it will hopefully be used to help buy a house one day....a house that wouldve been for us...but now will just be me I guess.

so...if he does ask me for help financially....what do I do?
After BD In July he asked me for $1, 000 from the private savings....I gave him $600. He said he'd pay it back...of course he hasn't.


So I'm nervous he'll ask again and put me on the spot trying to make me the bad guy....when really its him that shouldve been patient...his rent where he is is now is under $500 ...why would you move 2 months early?

[chl0901]

Hi Mimi, hope you are doing well this week! Haven't stopped by in awhile and was hoping for an update.

[Mimi00]

Hi Ch10, thanks for stopping by.
There's not much new.
H sent me a few photos of dogs last week that he came across while out and about, I guess it made him miss our dog who is with me. I responded nicely not times, but didn't try to start a conversation.

He called me briefly to tell me why he took money out of our account, then told me he'd call me after work w/ some more updates.

He did call again later, but I was working and couldn't answer. I called him back and he didn't answer haven't heard from him since.

I posted a pic on Facebook that had nothing to do with him,
it said "Immaturity doesn't listen to wisdom, Immaturity would rather learn from experience" then I wrote a caption to go along w/ it about how we'd save ourselves a lot of heartache and struggle if we'd just listen to those who have been through certain things, even though it isn't what we want to hear, they are trying to help us w/ the advice not hurt us.

I posted that b/c this is something I've learn about myself. I always push advice to the side and what to "learn for my self". I could've saved my self a lot of trouble had I listened.

The next day I noticed H's sister posted a photo that said
"Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be". I kind of felt it was directed at me. I know, I am assuming, but today I looked online at the phone records and his sister did call him that day after I posted it and they talked for some time.

So I am going to assume they think it was about him *eyeroll*

Sorry for the rant, but yeah, no updates on my sitch really.
No communication b/c us really...so who know what's going on in his head.

Last weekend I went out w/ a friend to breakfast and went to church. Drove around the city and took some pics of landmarks and things I found interesting. I newly joined instagram and it's helping rekindle my love of taking pictures.

I'm working usually 6 days a week to make enough to pay my rent and still save a good amount.

I'm ok.

[Mimi00]

Sorry for all of my typos in my above post, I don't know how I made so many! Hopefully those reading can figure out what I was trying to say

[Mimi00]

Well as I assumed he would, just texted and told me he may need to borrow a "few dollars".... didn't know what to say... so I told him I "don't have much, but just let me know."

[JayMan]

Mimi - I don't understand why you're giving him money?

[Mimi00]

Hi jon.....Well I posted asked for advice on how to handle it bc I knew it was coming, so I could prepare but no one responded lol....so... yeah I didn't know how to handle it *shrugs*

This whole DB process has me kind of being a bit of a push over i guess...he says and does what he wants, I smile and say I'm perfectly fine, then go out and GAL as if everything is oooook. Because hey, I'm detached and his actions affect me none!

My giving him money....I guess is a 180. We had seperate accounts for years and he always felt uneasy about having to ask me for money. And usually I'd be annoyed when he'd ask bc just as he is now, he ildlnt manage his money well. So I showed him something different and pleasantly gave.
There was only $35 in the checking to last him until next Thursday...
Money is the only connection we still have through the joint accounts, since we live in different states I guess this is the only way to show my change.
Am I a sucker for helping?

[JayMan]

My W promised me that she'd stay in our marriage - if I'd help her with payments. I asked her for a WRITTEN commitment, and went ahead and paid the bills. She said since I asked for a WRITTEN commitment, that was too much, and backed out on it. AFTER I paid the bills.

Since she moved out, she is now $30,000 in debt, buying expensive furniture for new apartment, etc; when I married her three years ago, I paid off about $30,000 of her debt. She still is spending money like crazy, and in about 3-6 months, she's going to be completely unable to keep up with bills.

I'm not saying your experience is the same as mine, but money will NEVER replace anything real.