14th Thread to Somewhere Uncertainly

[RosaLinda]

Hi T2, how nice that your W is starting show some concern for your feelings, that seems like a GOOD sign! And I think the signs you are seeing in her eyes when she looks at you is the best sign. Just a couple of days before my H left to visit the Tramp, he gazed deep into my eyes, for the first time in ages. I could not remember the last time. It felt so...normal! And nice. And it's nice that you received a calm and rational apology. Like you, I don't think I need remorse or an apology, I just want my H to dump the Tramp (and not obtain any new, improved Tramps) and whole heartedly love me again. I trust that is on its way to you, slowly and surely. You're an inspiration!

Oh, and you DO look good in that color shirt glad she noticed

[TSquared2]

Short update...

It may be that W is revisiting some replay doors, hopefully to close them for good. Maybe like rH's H did...

I was a bit spun up about it, but just more frustrated and disappointed...W cannot devastate me anymore.

After thinking about it for 72 hours, consulting with a couple few others, I am going to sit quietly. Do something different than I did 2 years ago August, and say nothing this time. Nada, nicht, zip. I didn't like the results I got 2 years ago. As far as I know, I am not insane, so will not do the same thing expecting a different result this time.

I do believe she is watching to see if I know/say anything...and if I do, how does the new+old T2 handle it? Perfect time to show the new me, that I have worked through my own baggage, insecurities, controlling, jealousy, etc. Maybe a test, maybe not, who knows? I do think I have a good handle on the possible "whys"...so we just let it be. Make allowances. Keep treading the high road, etc.

The 72 hour rule is a very effective tool to master for life in general.

Interesting reading LoisB's thread this morning...Snodderly's replies were just what I should hear as well, reminders of this reality and what it is and how to navigate it.

I'd rather see you do that than to continue pointing out his flaws/faults. He already knows that he's a screwed up mess and doesn't need reminders of it.
To create a safe place for him to land, you have to let some of this stuff go. You need to remember that you have already pointed out his faults early on and you do not need to remind him again. It's just like people continue to bring up conversations w/their mlcers about the op. Until they feel safe enough to want to land and reconcile, they won't do it if they feel that the spouse is going to remind them each and every time they've done something wrong in the past. That's why many mlcers and was do not return home...too much work and too many reminders of what they've done.

"Aloof but available" and "as if" continue to be my M.O., and focusing on the kids and myself, with small "reach outs" to W as they are available.

Otherwise, I'm doing great! Continuing my own flavor of GAL, knocking off projects important and non, as I see fit, or as real life necessitates (and it does do that, lol).

That's about it...

[makingmagic]

Hi T2... I'm just along for the ride. Sending you (((BIG HUGS))) and patience. It can be so hard to sit quiet at times, but sounds like you have a real handle on this ... this time. After 2 years, you are now a new T2 and capable of doing something different, and in return can expect a different result.

I am anxious to see/hear if she approaches you ... as in test. Or maybe it will be water under the bridge.

Sit tight, my friend. WE ARE HERE!

[FlyOnTheWall]

Sound like your doing good, great even.

Glad you took the time to think about your options, and come to a conclusion that is neutral.

I always get curious when a sitch approaches that 2 year mark, its really seems to be a pivotal time, either way. Glad your approach is something you comfortable with.

[TSquared2]

Thanks guys...

The hard part for me personally is the not knowing for sure if she is, or not, I just don't "know", just a slight suspicion...I am a facts and details person... so this is another perfect chance to practice detachment, letting go, patience, acceptance, unconditional love and trust in life itself.

And let it be, let her be so she can figure out whatever she needs to figure out herself.

[job]

A watched pot will never boil. Leave her to mull things over and step away from her drama. The less you react to her behavior right now, the better. Keep the focus on you and your sons. Oh, btw, there's a new supply of patience shovels being delivered to your area.

[Wonka]

T,

I'm curious to know if there's been any small, non-sexual affectionate touches from either one of you to each other. Where are you two in that process?

[TSquared2]

Thank you Snodderly...living in an agricultural area, we tend to wear shovels out pretty quickly...

Wonka, I have done a few, and did not get the "cringe" reaction we all know and love so well, so I reckon that is somewhat good. From her, no. But some of the body language has changed, stands near me a wee bit more, seems okay in the same room, does give full attention when I am talking, complimented me that included a "looks good on you"...

[Wonka]

Thanks for the helpful info, T.

This one's a toughie. Hmmm...ummmm. scrunched nose

I'm thinking that you might want to mix things up by doing tiny stuff that fills up W's feel-good bank. I remember Ms. Wonka making me a piping hot cup of hot chocolate and put in mini-marshmallows and just brought it out to the living room which totally surprised me. I appreciated those types of gestures from Ms. Wonka even in the midst of my fog.

[TSquared2]

Looks like I need to do some brainstorming then...small ones, tiny ones...got it...