Eating Popcorn on a Rollercoaster

[MrCAS]

Yes. The "we" stuff hurts.

[Wonka]

RT, I'm sorry for your pain and sadness.

Seems that W is still "playing" both sides and on and on. Still sees you as the back-up option. What would you like to do here? From my perspective, I think it's nigh time for you to put in LRT and stick to it. If possible, get a L and have W communicate with L directly on any matters related to the house and the dog. If you cannot afford a L, then have a trusted third-party to act as a go-between person.

Take yourself out of the picture completely otherwise W will not be able to feel the full force of her choice and its consequences.

Hope your team wins tonight!

[Positivespin]

W "we (w and om2)cooked duck last night- it was so good"

Me "go f yourself"

That was my bridge into LRT.....I highly recommend it for your sanity

[MrCAS]

PS... You meant to say "duck" right?

[RealityTrip]

Ya know... I began this whole journey in LRT... when my W asked for "space" and moved in with her brother (code for dated AP freely.) Going back and reading my threads it was successful. She followed me. All the way back home for weeks at a time. And then I became dim instead of dark trying to connect with her. But it wasn't ultimately successful it seems as 5 1/2 weeks ago she moved in with AP.

Last night she emailed me about one of my favorite muscial artist that will be playing a concert here in November. I just responded thanks. Then the convo was started and I expressed myself. I don't want to call it a backslide because I don't even know if it was a negative thing to get this off of my chest. But I did. I said what I meant and I called her out. (this was via email back and forth. I had the last email... she still hasn't responded and me?... I think I'm ok.

M: "When you said you were going to her brother's it caught me off guard. First because you are going at all and second because you said "we". "We" used to mean me. I can't do this anymore. It's not fair to me. You are spending time with her family for the holiday. That doesn't seem like the actions of someone who is unhappy and still planning on leaving her in another week. All you've done is switch our roles... mine and hers. You're hurting me W. I can't allow that anymore."

Like I said... no response to that last email. It was late. Who knows... her AP might have snooped on her again. But I said it. It felt good to say it.

Then I started to beat myself up for saying it. Only because she didn't respond... I think. But then, I don't care. Of all the things I've ever wanted to say and didn't? So this one slipped out and was delivered. It kind of made me feel more in control of taking care of me. Sometimes spending so much time paving the "smooth" road home for her I can feel a bit like a doormat here and there. And yesterday when she went from tears and "I miss you" on the phone with me alone to "WE've had a good day and WE are going to her brothers for the holiday"... I just had it.

[Positivespin]

You are so much more eloquent then I

You set a boundary and because you gave so much to her and still care so much you felt guilt- because its not what youve usually done.

That was 100% the right thing to do- She didnt respond because you were effective.

HUGE HUGS!!!!!

[JuneReN]

"I can't allow this anymore"

Now stick to it.

This may be me down the road, so I will watch to see how the pros do it.

((((RT))))

[Valeska19]

I wouldn't want say that your boundary is screwing up the smoothness of your pavement.

Your wife needs to work through her stuff. It's not your place to protect or fix her.. but you can't enable her either.

She will need to make a decision. You getting out of the way so she can make it.. is the loving thing to do.

Stay strong.

[chl0901]

Hi RT, good luck with school this week! I think it's so great that you're taking care of business.

And I think you were great in your email - you got what you needed to say off your chest in a mature and boundary setting way. So what if she didn't respond? You said what she probably already knows.

I hope you have a great week!

[Positivespin]

Where are you Girlfriend?????????????????????