Hearing that you spent the first six months just being, is some comfort to me. I am trying to maintain the status quo also and I thought maybe I was doing the wrong thing. You are positive in mind and that gives me hope.
Me 32 W 30 Married 11 D10, S6 BD#1 January of 09 OM#1 2005 OM#2 Dec 08 OM#3 March/April of 09 Back together August 09 OM#4 May 13 W moves out June 2013 BD#2 June 21 2013 Filed July 2013 D final in Oct
Brobafet, hang in there bud do what you need to do not what everyone else tells you to do. If you feel like not dating and just maintaining then so be it.
The first contact I have had with my X in many months and nope... I am not detached and I thought I was moving toward forgiveness. Uugghh, I really do not like being angry but unfortunately that is where I am...
The long and short of it is she wants our D on my week (my D's fall break from school) because she wants to go see her brother in Key West. A couple of things stand out. 1. She never wanted to go to Key West to see her brother because she thinks (or at least thought) he is a jerk and swore she would never go to Key West. 2. I gave her a large sum of money in the divorce settlement and I see her blowing it. 3. I have not made plans but that is my week to have her and I am being selfish jerk because I want her. She set up this D and wanted this and my time is my time, I know selfish jerk right...
I am not sure what I am trying to say here. I guess I am still hurt that she actually filed and followed through with the divorce. I guess part of me wants to hurt her back by saying hell no, thats my week welcome to our divorced world... Part of me wants to be nice and let my daughter and her mother have their time. I am confused and hurting and I don't know why... I have not cried like this in months. I know I must sound horrible, but this is how I feel right now. I just don't understand why I feel this way.
I am trying to work my way through my emotions before I answer back. I know what the right thing to do is yet I am finding it hard to do it.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
SG, I will be blunt. So she wants to go to Key West. That is her business. She is divorced. She was done when she made her decision.
This is your week with your daughter. It is your choice how to spend it. Making a gift of it will not magically repair the relationship. Set a boundary here.
My X burned through her disposable income also. Some people choose to.
Make your choices about you and your daughter. Your X is keeping herself first.
As you assert more control over you and your life, making choices you wish to make, instead of responding to your X’s or requirements of the court you’ll find a bit more peace and heal a bit more. Chart your course in a positive manner, for you and your happiness. Keep your actions honorable so you can look in the mirror without shame.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
This is your week with your daughter. It is your choice how to spend it. Making a gift of it will not magically repair the relationship. Set a boundary here.
Hhmm I think you are very perceptive, part of my vacillation on this subject is what if's. If I say no will she hate me if I say yes I feel like I'm being used. However we are divorced and in the future I may want to take D somewhere on her time so... time to detach and look at what's good for me and my D.
Originally Posted By: JustStunned
As you assert more control over you and your life, making choices you wish to make, instead of responding to your X’s or requirements of the court you’ll find a bit more peace and heal a bit more. Chart your course in a positive manner, for you and your happiness. Keep your actions honorable so you can look in the mirror without shame.
That's why I came here to vent and look for someone to be a little blunt or honest about my actions or thoughts. I have not responded to her request yet as I want to be in a place where emotion does not rule the day.
Originally Posted By: labug
Hey sg, you are moving towards both detachment and forgiveness. It's not a straight line. Your black and white are showing.
This does not feel like progress lol. Man I should have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night... I'd have all the answers haha. Two steps forward and one back. I thought I was further down the road than this. the good thing is I feel myself getting back to an even keel much quicker than before.
Quote:
It's OK to be angry, and you realize it now before you speak. Good progress
I am trying to be different I guess if I can not be a jerk to my X than I can handle just about most other people lol.
Quote:
About your D, that's a tough one. What are you thinking when you look at it objectively?
Okay labug, expect me to be an adult why don't you
I think my D would love to go to Key West. The fact me and my X can't seem to be able to make a marriage work is not a reason for me to with hold an opportunity for her to have an adventure. At some point in the future I may want to take my D somewhere on her time and I would want to be able to do that.
I am going to sit on this a day or two and decide if I want to do something on fall break or not. I am really saving my money for a trip to NYC around Christmas for a shopping trip with her and my son. The answer most likely will be yes.
Thanks JS and bug...
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
JS gave you some good food for thought on this issue. An bug is right, negotiate the deal now. I would hate to see you let D go and assume she will reciprocate on one of her weeks. That may be the way to not feel used.
You are acknowledging your feelings and that you know you have some more work to do on you. That's ok and to be expected. I was a basket case a little bit last Friday.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
thanks for the input... I am going to let her go with my X.
New York at Xmas, I'm thinking Macy's, a Broadway show and maybe ice skating... I might let my D pick something to do as well, lol.
Thanks NG, I really adore my D14. In the worst days of this ordeal, she told me to keep praying that God is always there when we need him the most. She is strong for a 14 year old. I hope this does not damage her to much.
Hopeful, I am finally starting to figure out that I need to be proactive and not reactive in my life. I need to be a willing participant, active and engaged. I had been on autopilot for some time.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
