Here I am...

[subguy]

Hello everyone, my D was final on the 20th of Aug 2013 and I thought it was time to move to this portion of the site. It is still very raw and sometimes I am scared, lonely and heartbroken. Those days are getting fewer and fewer however they still exist. I am starting to find my stride again at work and on the home front.

I refinanced the house we lived in so my D14 would have some stability for as long as I could stand living here. The time I think is quickly drawing to an end for me in this house. I am planning on giving it at least until this spring to make a decision about leaving or staying. I am going to have to come up with pros/cons of each. However I think my attachment to this house will win the day.

Curious what some of your sure fire methods were to deal with the absence of a significant other. I know GAL curious what some of you did, who knows I may enjoy it.

[BeginningAgain]

Welcome to the Surviving Forum! In answer to your question about what I did to deal with the absence of a significant other is I launched myself into an intensive workout program and also focused on training for local races. Working out kept me around positive people without really have to engage conversation with them. I also kept social by hosting dinner parties at my house with my friends. I did those things that I liked to do that were not always popular with my ex-wife and when I wanted to do them. Finally I made the most of the time I had when my girls were in my custody which was about 60% of the time. Eventually when I got to the point of being comfortable to start dating, I did that - which is where I am now.

As I am sure you are aware already, overtime it gets better - today you couldn't pay me to go back to the relationship I had with my ex.

BA

[FlyOnTheWall]

Golfing, fishing, going to library and reading all the free self help books (not a bad place to meet a woman either, not bar flies), the gym, running, riding bike, join meetup.com and check out some interests u might like. Restart an old hobby that you might have given up, check out the community college and join a class.

As far as the house, change it, paint some rooms, rearrange the furniture, make it YOUR home now. Its also a good activity to include your D14 with.


Have some fun.

[kml]

I took up playing the drums at age 53. Now I play drums in an amateur pop-punk cover band. I also play glockenspiel, vibraphone and a little percussion for my best friend who is a professional singer songwriter and have gone on short tours with her 3 times.

Ellie

[labug]

Just stopping in to see your new digs. Not bad, I like what you've done with the place.

Subguy, you are awesome, you just don't know it yet!

[AnotherStander]

Hey SG, just reading your other thread but was unable to reply because it's locked now, so here's the message from there:

I was going to comment on your thread about her hiring a lawyer, I am sorry it had to go this far for you.

Thanks! So far her indication is she only did it because of the complication of the paperwork, she's not trying to get into a brawl (hopefully).

You'll probably have a few more bad days like when you sign and when it's final.

You're probably right, but I knew it was coming so it's more like a micro BD, doesn't hit me nearly as hard as BD did.

I'm sure you know this. I'm praying God will work in her life and restore a healthy marriage.

I hear stories all the time about people reconciling after a year or more of divorce. I just hope that if my W ever comes out of the fog that I'm still open to R'ing.

Maybe we can meet up and ride in the near future, i don't think your to far away from me.

That would be great! Are you in the DFW area?

[hopefulinga]

Hey SG, I'll keep trying to follow you. At some point, I feel like I will be over here.

You sound so positive. I'm sure the days are getting easier?

Did you get any rides in over the weekend? Good riding weather is coming up soon. That is one thing I wish H would share with me. I've been on the bike 1x for about 30 minutes before he ran back into his hole for good. And he finally has one that my long legged self can fit on! I looked like a grasshopper on the Sportster.

[subguy]

I launched myself into an intensive workout program and also focused on training for local races. Working out kept me around positive people without really have to engage conversation with them.



BA

Interesting now my curiosity is peaked what was your training for tri's or a marathon?

As I am sure you are aware already, overtime it gets better - today you couldn't pay me to go back to the relationship I had with my ex.

I took up playing the drums at age 53. Now I play drums in an amateur pop-punk cover band. I also play glockenspiel, vibraphone and a little percussion for my best friend who is a professional singer songwriter and have gone on short tours with her 3 times.

Ellie

That is to cool!!! I'm thinking about taking guitar lessons and/or ball room dance lessons. The dance lessons can be a bit pricey, maybe I can find someone willing to split the cost with me.

Just stopping in to see your new digs. Not bad, I like what you've done with the place.

LOL your funny...

Subguy, you are awesome, you just don't know it yet!

Thank you bug, from you that means a lot to me...

That would be great! Are you in the DFW area?

I am in Tennessee. We could meet somewhere in the middle.

Hey SG, I'll keep trying to follow you. At some point, I feel like I will be over here.

I hope not, but keep working on you so that if you do wind up here you'll be awesomely okay.

You sound so positive. I'm sure the days are getting easier?

With it final I feel like the pressure is off I can just be me not someone who is worried about every little thing said. Yes it is getting better.

Did you get any rides in over the weekend? Good riding weather is coming up soon. That is one thing I wish H would share with me. I've been on the bike 1x for about 30 minutes before he ran back into his hole for good. And he finally has one that my long legged self can fit on! I looked like a grasshopper on the Sportster.

No riding this weekend, I had my daughter, we did go to a cake decorating class.

I'm a little on the short side so a sportster works for me I love tall women so don't be afraid to be tall... wear it proud, put on high heels and work it.

[JustStunned]

Welcome SG.

To respond I spent the first six months or so just being. I did not begin many new things. I maintained what I had been doing for GAL and attempted to socialize a little more. For the most part I attempted to maintain the status quo and determine what to do next.

After about 7 months I began trying to expand a little. Life intruded into that effort. It was at about this time the SILs began distancing themselves and familial responsibilities ramped up. Life has a way of adjusting our best laid plans. Life and our interactions as part of life are dynamic. None the less I was able to cross a couple of things off my bucket and personal improvement lists.

Establish your destination, set your course and adjust for variations in wind, current and tide.

[subguy]

Welcome SG.

To respond I spent the first six months or so just being. I did not begin many new things. I maintained what I had been doing for GAL and attempted to socialize a little more. For the most part I attempted to maintain the status quo and determine what to do next.

After about 7 months I began trying to expand a little. Life intruded into that effort. It was at about this time the SILs began distancing themselves and familial responsibilities ramped up. Life has a way of adjusting our best laid plans. Life and our interactions as part of life are dynamic. None the less I was able to cross a couple of things off my bucket and personal improvement lists.

Establish your destination, set your course and adjust for variations in wind, current and tide.

This is pretty close to what I'm doing. I am trying to maintain for a period until my emotions run their course. I don't want to wake up in a year and say "oh crap I bought what?" or "I did that?" At the end of the day I want to be able to hold my head up not hang it down. That means staying true to my core values. I may have drifted before BD some but now... I'm trying to right that ship (just a bit of a turning radius).

Thanks JS for the advice