I'll kneel down; know my ground

[Whiterose]

Im over 100 posts and from what Ive read I need to start a new one. Here's the link to my first thread.

Thread one:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2368775#Post2368775






RosaLinda
F]It's hard to know what to say or do in any given situation Rose, isn't it? I think your answer was good, and am really glad you did not try to exain S14's feelings in a text, but your H might have viewed your response as telling him what to do. I know men in general and MLCers in particular, do NOT like to be told what to do.

It was a hard one to decide what to say or not to say. I think he was expecting it to be a long winded test telling him how awful a father he is so I think that even if he thinks I'm telling him what to do its better than he anticipated.......I think. Because who knows for sure what's in their head.


I know you've expressed your concerns to him about how hard S14 is taking this, but MLCers aren't ready to accept any blame. It seems so dopey - if your H can't figure that out, why not just ask S14 himself? �Maybe he will, the next time he sees him. From what you've told us, H probably just shot off anther text to S14 demanding an explanation


Nope. I Checked his phone this am and no calls or texts either way I kinda half figured he wouldn't. He's too scared of what the answer will be


Oh, and I agree with your sisters that it's better not to ignore your H's texts. You don't have to answer right away (it might be better not to in some cases) but I would answer. You need to keep the lines of communication and contact open.�

Yes, I debated but agree, I need to answer him. Especially when he's asking about them boys

Thank you for your advice Linda. I hope your granddaughters birthday was a wonderful day

[Whiterose]

Hi willbwell

Whiterose, I have been reading some of your posts. I too am concerned about my sons and the deteriorating relationship with their dad. I have encouraged my boys to spend time with their dad.it is becoming less and less. My H will take boys to dinner or a movie but that is it. Even time with D15 is becoming less. S19 leaves for college again soon. S16 stuck at home with me and sister! He misses dad and brother's physical presence.


It's very hard will. My H works two blocks away and hasn't seen them boys in almost a month! I don't suggest to the boys to make time for their dad I let the three of them do it. I would normally take the lead but now have stepped back so I can't be accused of controlling or manipulating anything. It's just better if I'm not involved I think

Its so crazy how we have to question ourselves on everything! Is it because we are concerned with how actions impact everyone(spouse, kids friend, family) while the MLCers are only concerned with themselves?

I know, right!?!?!! We're the grown ups and need to make sure everything for the family stays as even keeled as possible. I think this is why some spouses just can't do it......it's a lot to ask and exhausting.

[Whiterose]

Thank you Whiterose... your message made me cry. I do have alot on my plate. Its overflowing. I try so hard to do all the right things. And I wait, and wait and wait for things to be better. I have never been strong or patient. I am learning this regardless now. I like the way you pray. I too will say those things in my prayers.

I ent to an old girlfriends house last night. Was encouraged by their marriage. It broke up for 5 years about 8 years ago. They had both moved on to other things (relationships/houses, etc.). I never thought they would reconcile. The husband needed to grow up (he admitted it).... They are back together, better than ever. He is a MAN, and greatful to have his rel'p back. They both said it wasn't easy, and have both gone individually to these self-growth weekend meetings in NY. They said it was the best thing, and has helped save their marriage too.

Having a sad day. I want to work on my rel'p "with" someone! I feel I am the only one caring enough.

(sorry to post this on your thread... will copy it into mine)

Hope your day is a better one!

OH MM I'm sorry you're having a hard day....yesterday/today I'm OK but the last few days before were not good for me either. We all go through it-don't be hard on yourself:)
I'm glad I was able to give you helpful info......it's hard but depend on God to lead us through. It's not for everyone but it's for me.

What a story about your friend. I wonder if that if I was in the same situation I could do the same--I don't know if I could. It's wonderful for them though. If you find hope in them then use it....just make sure you don't use their situation as the exact replica for you. We are all different and their story is not yours, or mine, so we all need to be careful I think.

When I talked to my DB coach she said to me "are you willing to do the work? understand it's all on you because he's not ready or able to be a part of the solution. It's not fair, or right, but if you want your marriage this is what you'll have to do" I said "yes" and I meant it so now I'm doing the work of two, like us all here I think, and I'm going to have to dig deep to get it done

Don't worry about posting on my thread......really, if you need to say something say it. If I'm going to be upset about something in life I'll be upset over things of importance:)

Blessings to you!

[RosaLinda]

"When I talked to my DB coach she said to me "are you willing to do the work? understand it's all on you because he's not ready or able to be a part of the solution. It's not fair, or right, but if you want your marriage this is what you'll have to do" I said "yes" and I meant it so now I'm doing the work of two, like us all here I think, and I'm going to have to dig deep to get it done"

This is GREAT advice Rose, for all of us. Thanks for posting this. Let's get out our patience shovels

PS Playing with colors!

[Whiterose]

It is great advice Linda.....she was wonderful to talk to.

Is it bad that I wanna take the shovel and hit him upside the head with it though?? hahahaha

I JUST figured out how to quote people....I'm so bad at this! hahaha

[Whiterose]

OH and a little update.....H never responded to my text but instead sent me a copy of the online cell bill. Still not what I need for my taxes OR any log in info.......UGGGGG I graduated high school once and once was enough WHY AM I BACK THERE?!?!?!?!

[Whiterose]

many people quote Jim Conway's writings.....where can I find those please?

[job]

WR,
Have you read any of Jim's books? His late wife, Sally, also wrote an excellent book on mlc. He does have a web site and support group as well.

Unfortunately, the quotes that we use from his books and site are not listed in any particular thread. They are all over the forum, going way back to 1999/2000 time frame.

[job]

Here are the books that we generally pull quotes from:

Men in Mid-Life Crisis by James Conway
Your Husband's Mid-Life Crisis by Sally Conway

I hope this helps.

[Whiterose]

Thank you Snodderly....I'll look them up