That's the thing about AJ's posts, I always feel like there is some hidden gold nugget of wisdom hidden in plain sight, that I am not quite getting, delivered in a casual, unassuming way...brings back a martial arts master I had once...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
See she would be absolutely nuts to leave. What man would ever be okay with taking that blame?
LOL " Mercy" Trying Elvis on now? Kill the Buddha...Okay I'll keep meditating, but I was sure I had the right key this time.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
I agree with Bea's translation T^. "Hey I speak a little AJ. What he is saying is that you are becoming detached enough that you could feel comfortable about walking away before W is awake enough to realize what she is losing and let's you. She'll figure it out, but it will be too late. You'll be gone. Just my two cents. Peace."
I think we LBS turning into WAS is a big danger for all our MLCers. You seem to be amazingly determined to wait it out, as do most of the people on here. But I see the frustration level, the desperation level, rising in a couple of sitches I follow, to the point where I fear that by the time their MLCer wakes up, they will be gone, with nothing left in them to forgive the MLCer for all the pain they've been thru. But I think your W will "come around" way before you ever hit that point.
Thanks for the recipe. I was raised on frozen brussels sprouts and hated them, until my H grew them in the garden and I tasted fresh ones for the first time. Yummy! Broccoli is good cooked in bacon and garlic too.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
It seems us giving up on them may be even more common than the other way around. Many of the vets here have done exactly that.
T, you not only seem amazingly determined to wait W's crisis out, but also have an amazing way of dealing with it while still leading a fulfilling life... Like I've mentioned before, leading us all by example. Great job, and thanks bro!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY the hard thing to see is that for those vets, their mlcers are still in it, even now. They're still bat-shite crazy. That's when I had my wake up call. See I had read those books. I had my fantasy version set. H will go from this point to this point to this and come off the conveyor belt all nice and perfect and shiney. Here we see the reality. Some don't ever get off. Some are content to turn and walk the other direction so they can stay in place. Some get off it and head in a completely new direction in a whole new life and persona. I've decided to leave the fairy tale version in the books.
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
Love your conveyor belt analogy Raine. I was always aware that there was a chance that my H wouldn't get off the conveyor belt, but thought it was a slight chance. And I also was aware it was more likely he'd fall off the damned conveyor belt, all dented and banged up, rather than arrive at the end "all nice and perfect and shiney." But one thing I always believed was that deep down in his heart, he loves me. That he does not leave because he loves me. And if he ever wakes up, he will love me again. Sitches like rH gave me such hope. And yours seems to be getting better too. But.... who knows. I guess it's stupid to give up hope after all these years. Sort of like giving up your faith in God just because you got cancer or something. It's just so hard though, thinking that if you just stay on the bus together long enough, you'll wind up in the same destination, even though you're two passengers living two separate lives side by side. But then you realize that your MLCer has a transfer ticket hidden in his pocket; he's just not sure what route he plans to take yet.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Yep, Linda and Raine are right. The threat I see is that you, T will have moved on and figured it was over. You'll be so detached that there is no going back. But that's not any time soon
I do realize you are very committed and I applaud that. I was the same way, but it didn't work out on my end. She married OM and for me, that was a deal breaker. The rest I could have overcome, but after that, it's just ridiculous to hang on. At least for me it would be unhealthy. I have hope for her, and I do hope she gets to a peaceful state at some point. For her sake. For my kids sake. For me her peace is not going to make a difference at this point except to at least make all of the drama somewhat worth it in the long run.
I think you'll be one of the success stories, T. I think you already are, but it'll get better and more pronounced. Some luck was involved, but you have done a great deal of work and it seems to be a good thing.
Brussell sprouts? I was brought up on frozen ones as well. Hated them. Until I tried them fresh and with bacon, walnuts and salt. MMMMMmmmm. That's good stuff.
Respectfully, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
