Oh no 25, I don't speak with that woman ANYMORE! I cut all ties with her after she informed me of this, and I found out she was playing both sides of the fence against each other. Yep, she is THAT kind of horrible. No masochism with me. I have just been holstering the knowledge that wife is dating. I was giving her plenty of time to mention it, and she never has. Therefore I brought it up to remind her that we promised each other that we would be upfront about anyone we were dating that involved daughter.
Today my spirits are a little better, still didn't get much sleep lastnight.
I have some decent GAL plans for the weekend, but I am starting to relaize that I need to branch out much more. I am staying in my circle of friends and keeping busy with good solid activities, but I am not meeting anyone new, at least not lately. I need to change that. I feel that I really need to figure out my healing process more, so I can start to really move forward WITHOUT wife. I have been focusing on making changes to myself, staying active, being with daughter, taking care of house...but I haven't done anything to move forward with my life. Now, I just have to figure out what that is and go after it.....what does it even mean, to move forward?...haha
So brainstorm, what new thing might you like to try? Group setting gets bonus points?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
We are in similar places. My goal this summer is to heal and move forward w my life. I'm not sure if I have any advice to you, but new GALs w meeting new friends sounds good.
I am taking a trip w my SIL to the mountains. I hope to find a deeper connection w God, push myself forward (whatever that means), and find peace to start/further healing.
Can you do a little get-away for yourself? It doesn't matter-- it's just about finding yourself and to move on YOUR path.
Good luck!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
We are in similar places. My goal this summer is to heal and move forward w my life. I'm not sure if I have any advice to you, but new GALs w meeting new friends sounds good.
I am taking a trip w my SIL to the mountains. I hope to find a deeper connection w God, push myself forward (whatever that means), and find peace to start/further healing.
Can you do a little get-away for yourself? It doesn't matter-- it's just about finding yourself and to move on YOUR path.
Good luck!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I moved a roomate into the house tonight. An old friend that I haven't been in contact with in countless years. He is recently out of a relationship and seems to be heading towards making a new life with himself. He also just started seeing someone, so I am sure I will start meeting new people soon or at least reconnecting with old friends.
As far as GAL things I can do in group settings, I have fallen off of going to church. I really need to get back into that groove. I think that would be a positive for me, even though I don't do a lot of engaging new people at church. Perhaps I should focus more on that.
My business is really going to gear up soon, being that it is summer. That will keep me very busy, so busy that I worry that I will do nothing but work all summer. Then, when fall hits, I will be very depressed. That is something I have worried about, as I can almost visualize that happening. I need to circumvent that and be active in social circles prior to summer coming to an end.
I am also very worried about how awkward it will be with wife still living here, and now openly dating. I will see her more and more as each day goes by, and I am working on the property. Not real excited about that, but I suppose it would allow her to see some of my changes more closely. Just not sure how to feel about it, at this point.
Just throwing some things out there....life is surely going to be different. It's scary to me.
Don't have time to post a lot but this is probably the most honest you've been about your feelings. That's a good think. Now think about how scary this is compared to other things in life.
Start getting into things now and you won't have to worry about the fall. And don't worry about it now, (I know, you're a worrier) Don't borrow trouble. Don't choose activities that go against your personality)if you're an introvert don't do things that involve 50 people, because you won't keep it up.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Ya, I have admitted to myself a LONG time ago that I am scared....that's not a new thing.
As far as GAL and moving forward with my life, I am just at a roadblock. First and foremost, I need to work at my business. I have been catching a LOT of flack for not being as involved as I should be lately, and it is starting to hurt the daily function. My brother and sister have REALLY been picking up the slack. I have been writting off getting involved and making decisions to the fact that I am still upset about my collapsed marriage, and I need to just focus on myself right now. I also realize I have been using that mentality as a crutch for self pity a little as well. I have been selfish in that regard. I need to get back in the game, so to say. The catcher is, once I jump back in and fill my position, my time will be spoken for. We typically go long days, 7 days a week during our season. It doesn't leave much time for self. That has been one of wifes gripes over the years. However, our season only last about 2-3 months....
I have a good group of friends coming down this weekend. It should be fun, campfires, socializing, bike rides, that sort of thing. However, it is my same old group of friends. I can't help it. I love them and like spending time together, so that makes it even harder for me to branch out and meet new people. And here is the thing I struggle with, I already have a great network of friends. I mean everybody can use a new friend, but isn't "moving on" really about meeting new romantic interests? I mean I meet new people constantly in my line of work, some I connect with others I don't. It is usually very very casual aquintances. That fills a space, but is that what is considered "moving on", just filling my time with new couples or new buddies, or is it really about meeting a new woman? I have friends telling me contantly, that I need to start dating. To be honest, I am not totally against that. I just don't have a clue in the world who I would date, or if I am even well enough to start looking for that. Perhaps it would help my healing. I don't know......I am still just spinning on where I am headed, frusturated, scared, still confused about marriage collapsing, just not happy about much. Perhaps it is my negative mindset, but I am trying to fill every moment with things that are positive as I can be, but still....ugh!
Moving (on) *forward* means being a whole independent person having a fulfilling life with or without your W. Making plans, being interesting, knowing people who don't know you as that poor guy who got sc@wed over by his W or some other variant of that.
If you would consider dating (a) because your friends tell you constantly and you don't stand up to them for what you feel and need or (b) to "help you heal" or (c) while you are totally against it or (d) for any reason whatsoever connected to your previous relationship, don't do it. Those are terrible reasons to date. It seems like you know you're not ready and you question your own judgment on that, why? It sounds like you need to spend more time getting to know who you are irregardless of and independent of W, as long as it takes.
Hang in there...
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Moving (on) *forward* means being a whole independent person having a fulfilling life with or without your W. Making plans, being interesting,
I am independant, have been for 8 months, longer really, if you consider the time leading up to BD. I can take care of myself and make it through any obstacle I encounter, with the exception of getting over losing my W. I think my co-dependancy is minimal if any, at this point. I am making plans. I am doing a lot of activity, probably more today than in the past few years. I have never NOT been interesting. I am borderline on being the Dos XX's guy....haha
I am "fullfilled" in my life as a father, as a business owner, as a friend. I am fullfilled with the relationships I have and the things that I do, with one exception. I simply miss having someone to share it with, namely my wife. But perhaps I am only holding on to W, because I don't know anyone different. Maybe I have tunnel vision? I just don't know.
Originally Posted By: adinva
knowing people who don't know you as that poor guy who got sc@wed over by his W or some other variant of that.
I am lacking in this aspect. EVERYONE I know more than likely sees me this way, but at the same time I am not willing to replace my network of friends and family. I don't know how to change this. I don't know if it will ever change. I don't know if it really matters.
Originally Posted By: adinva
If you would consider dating (a) because your friends tell you constantly and you don't stand up to them for what you feel and need or (b) to "help you heal" or (c) while you are totally against it or (d) for any reason whatsoever connected to your previous relationship, don't do it. Those are terrible reasons to date. It seems like you know you're not ready and you question your own judgment on that, why?
I wouldn't date for ANY of those reasons. I do however find myself wanting someone to share time with, more and more every day. I am starting to have those idol thoughts about, " might be nice to date". I think my friends are seeing or feeling this too, and that is why they mention it. Perhaps I am at that point. I don't know. When do you know it's the right time? Do the romantic feelings for my wife need to be gone? I don't think that is every going to happen soon, probably ever, but at the same time I don't want to live my life alone. So, when does a person know when it's time to start jumping back in to the dating pool?
Originally Posted By: adinva
It sounds like you need to spend more time getting to know who you are irregardless of and independent of W, as long as it takes.
Hang in there...
I hear this kind of introspective advice a lot, and it gets lost on me. I am not sure if I am just not that in touch with my feelings and emotions, or if I am just a "man's man" or why. But, I don't get it. I feel that I already know who I am. I already know where I am going. I have zero plans to change my life completely in regards to where I live, how I work, who I socialize with. What is left to find? What sort of things am I supposed to be looking for? What kind of insight to my self do I need to find? If it has anything to do with self improvement, I get that. I am all in. I want to be a better person, better father, better spouse. I still need to work on it, but that is one thing I have FOUND. I would like some more input on this. I fear that maybe I am missing a large piece of introspect that I just don't get.
