Just going back to the bike shorts, and your W being depressed / withdrawn. I have found my W does nice things for me quite frequently at the moment. But sometimes she will back right off as if she has caught herself out or forgotten that she wants D etc.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
T ~ I wouldn't have much to say on paper. I don't see any patterns or anything worthy of more than I put here. I would journal if I understood somethng. Please post an example of an entry that worked for you. Im not against it, but I might analyse it WAY too much. This forum keeps me organized.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
WFM - I think the point of a journal away from here is that its just you. Nobody else posting in between etc. I use one on my smart phone and it works a treat, all date marked and time stamped (also password protected!). If i think in my head of patterns i can not think of any, but sometimes I sit and flick through my journal and I do see the odd pattern, even if just small mood changes following events or approaching W trips away etc.
Its also good to see how things have progressed, as sometimes its easy to thing we are still at square one, but from my journal I can see that even if our sitch has not moved on, I have as a person.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Choosing to be the way we are choosing to be specifically FOR the WAS/MLCer or excluding the WAS/MLCer... is time to question what we are doing and why.
KD, if I understand you correctly, I have a question...is it fair to say that there are "levels" of what we would do for others...ie, what I would do or tolerate for my kids, my W, my immediate family, very close friends, is greater than what I would do for a friend, neighbor, stranger. To be specific, I have tolerated, or "made allowances" for things my W and kids have done that I would not do the same for just anyone. And I am not seeing that this is questionable, or problematic...so, could you elaborate more?
2.4, W has done the same throughout this...sorta like she sometimes forgot I'm the Quasimodo enemy, with the plague, koodies and bad breath at times..it was sorta funny to watch her reaction when she realized she was out of character...
WFM, imo, a journal is what YOU create for yourself, that aids you in remembering, understanding, etc in a fashion that works for your unique self...I don't believe that there is ONE way that is best...I don't think my "way" of journelling would work for most people, lol. It has its own logic and meaning that only probably works for me...what would work for YOU is your own unique style...go create it! YOU have to do this work yourself, FOR YOURSELF...! This is part of the path of discovering WHO WFM is...with or without H.
And to end this post, W made an appt with IC...I hope the C is pro-marriage and W is mostly honest, and not just looking for what she wants to hear...time will tell. Not in my hands.
Nite all! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
W took an action step, and told me rather pointedly. Implying she sees that she needs help working some things through...I am grateful. I am not going to judge this by past metrics. Beginner's mind. It is a new turn.
There, that's better for who I want to be.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I agree that a journal is a valuable tool in getting through all this stuff. (Transitions, no matter what the outcome.) I have journaled since I was a little girl. I still get something out of re-reading my old stuff.
A classic line was reading my 5ht grade self writing: "Mom's yelling again, as usual." And guess what she still yells a lot.
I look back at what I wrote one, two, three, twenty years ago. I see progress and stagnation.
I am glad that T^2 writes so much of his observations. And proud to see him becoming who he wants to be!
On the feral cat front my neighbors cat seems to have grown dependent on my outside feeder. So I have a new old cat on the payroll. He usually runs away when I get close, but the other day I walked right up to him. Maybe he is getting so old and feeble he can't run away?
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I would like to add that by journaling elsewhere, you will be able to go back in years to come to see just how far you've come and grown.
The forum doesn't keep a lot of the old postings and purges the system periodically. It is very important that you keep a copy of what you are posting here if you are planning to use this forum as a journaling tool. For example, a lot of my old threads from 2000 are now gone. Why? Because the main frame server can only hold so much data.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
T - That is a great attitude. I find myself being the skeptic and looking the gift horse in the mouth all the time and I know that is not helpful.
In your case, a clear sign from your W would have been going to IC to get some help, and yet, the reaction is, will it really make a difference? Well, will it make it worse? Is it a good sign of her trying to commit? Maybe, but hard to see it as a bad thing, yet you (and I, beleive me) are too quick to look for the negative. I am proud of you for your realization of that and attempt to change it!
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Glad I reminded myself of those empathetic listening skills...I have needed them, and used them to apparently good effect. W has been talking to me longer about all sorts of things with her work, the kids, etc. She was even dancing around R talk, so we talked some on that subject...agreements on SBT, some finacial attitude clearing up, some understandings reached for things from the past.
She has been working full time this week temporarily, I have been very understanding when she comes home about her being tired and all...I get that, been doing it for 24+ years.
I have been seeing more and more of "old" W mannerisms, expressions, eye contact, more "peaceful" the past week...tonight she was much like her old self when I left to go chill at my office..."regular" replies, voice, smiles and such, rather than cold, indifferent, "whatever"...
So, I have this positive, but cautious, feeling in my gut...I could be wrong, and if so, that's okay too.
Continuing to sit quietly, doing "me" the best I can, teamwork, etc. Aloof, yet available.
Make a great weekend, all!!!....garden here I come for mid-summer fall veggie sowing...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I figured out what it is that seems different, when she was talking with/to me, she kept continuing, like a friend you hadn't talked to for a long time...heck, I even did it too once, I even said out loud, "T^2, STFU! This was supposed to be quick!" and we both laughed about it...and there is a new/old "softening" to her voice with me, like when she talks to the kids, or the "old days"...I hope that all makes some sense, idk.
Just rolling with it...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
